Casey/Olivia Fic chapter 2
First O/C fic, hope you all enjoy! Second chapter!
Title: This Isn't Me
Chapter: Two
Rating: G
Pairing: Casey/Olivia
Word Count: 1,642
Description: Casey may be a successful A.D.A, but when it comes to a certain somebody, she is lost at sea.
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I am loss of words. I close my eyes, trying to pull myself together. I open them and meet hers. Her brows are furrowed; my heart is panicking. This isn’t me.
“Casey,” she asks again.
‘I love you!’ My mind screams.
It’s now or never.
Reluctantly, I pull away from the detective and walk to the door, my heels clicking against the tile floor. As I close it, I allow myself to exhale, my lungs thanking me for the release of Carbon Dioxide. I wonder what could be going on through Olivias’ head.
I can’t. I just can’t. Fear is such a powerful device. I can’t find my courage. I suddenly realize I have been standing with my hand on the door for a while. I finally turn around to face her. She looks perplexed. I don’t blame her. ‘Ugh, she’s so beautiful,’ is all I can think.
“Olivia,” I try to muster up my courtroom presence. If I had had some time to rehearse, I wouldn’t be as nervous. She keeps those beautiful brown eyes on me, leaning forward ever so slightly, as if she is trying to encourage me to keep on talking.
“I could use a drink, how about you?” My voice is a bit more husky than normal.
“I can tell,” a small smile from her, “Yeah, lemme just finish up this paperwork.”
The second she leaves, I am relieved even though I miss her presence. My heart attempts to calm down its rapid beating, but it feels like it may never stop threatening to escape my chest. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, grabbing for my purse where I grasp my compact. I have to try and make myself better looking for this evening.
An hour, maybe more; I’m not sure, has passed. I waited in my office, not exactly doing anything in particular, too anxious by the thought of sharing a drink or two with Olivia. Once I notice her giving her reports to Gragen, I take it as a sign to leave my office and I do, closing the door behind me. I flash a smile to Olivia who grabs her coat. I feel some confidence returning to me. It may be the idea of liquor that returns it to me or the fact that it is only her and me.
“Ready?” She asks. I smile again and nod. I don’t count on having a cool exterior as I normally do. Olivia has to know. She just has to.
“You know it,” a small, nervous chuckle.
**********************************
The bar is rowdy and loud, but I like the ambiance. I had allowed Olivia to pick a new place and she decided on Two Fools Tavern. It was Irish of course and I wonder if she picked it because she knew I was Irish. Nonetheless, it made me blush. Perhaps, she felt it would help me relax. Whiskey certainly would.
“Here,” she points out, placing a hand on my lower back to guide me. My stomach does a flip.
We take our seats, shuffling a bit as we remove our coats. We’re instantly greeted by a cocktail server and we give our drink orders. I know what she wants; her drink never changes. I order Makers Mark and ginger. I enjoy the hint of sweetness, but the harshness of the hard liquor.
Our conversation starts out casually, allowing me to feel a bit more at ease. I can tell she is avoiding asking me what is on my mind; what was wrong. Olivia would soon ask the inevitable, but she knew when the right time was. I was dreading that moment. I only hoped I would be drunk enough when it came to it. I need this liquid courage which was just pathetic. If I did tell what Elliot demanded of me, what I needed to say, I doubt Olivia would appreciate a drunken confession. How cliché.
Downing my sixth drink, it was about time I felt the warm feeling in my cheeks and the numbness in my limbs. I could feel my lids getting heavy, covering my green eyes just half way. I couldn’t help but stare at the detective. As I remember, Olivia was on her fourth, but it seemed she was feeling the same effects of the liquor. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the noise we had scooted close to each other or if had been just me. Nonetheless, I was happy for our close contact.
“Are you enjoying this bar?”
“Pub, actually,” I correct and smirk, looking down at my drink. “Yes, very much so…thanks for taking me here.” It’s funny how I can articulate my words just fine when tipsy, but when confronted with my fear I am a babbling baboon.
Olivia continued to talk, but I couldn’t stay focused on her words. I could only focus on her lips moving and imagine how badly I wished to kiss them. What I wouldn’t give to know what she was thinking.
“Mhmm,” and a nod is all I can offer. She is so beautiful.
My mind has gone completely. Childhood memories: gone. High School: gone. Law school: gone. All logic and reasoning have fled my mind. And suddenly, I found myself inching closer to her. The distance closing until my lips met her. There was no stopping me. I had no control. I was possessed by my hearts desire. For once in what seemed like forever, I felt truly happy, until my world came crashing down.
Olivia pulls away from me just as soon as I kissed her. My eyes snap open to see hers. She looks shocked and appalled. I suddenly feel sick. I am so embarrassed. If it weren’t for the dim lighting, it would have been easy to see how red my face was and the terror in my eyes.
I can’t believe I kissed her. I drunkenly kissed Olivia Benson. I’m a fool.
I quickly get up, snatching my coat and purse, mumbling ‘sorry’ over and over again, trying so hard not to cry out of embarrassment and rejection. I fumble through my wallet, pulling out a 100 dollar bill and throwing it on the table to pay my bill. I simply can’t old back my tears much longer. In this frenzy, I fail to notice Olivia trying to explain it is okay. I quickly tell her another sorry and hurry out, pushing by people, trying not to stumble.
The second I get out into the night, I gasp in the cold air. Millions of negative thoughts course through my mind. “Fuck!” I say out loud, gathering attention from bystanders. I hail a taxi, just missing Olivia calling out my name by seconds, trying to stop me. I have to repeat my address twice, the cab driver failing to understand my broken words. The tears start to fall freely now. I hate myself. This isn’t me.
I doubt I even had a chance with Olivia. Thinking about it, as I cover my eyes with my scarf, I try to see how this has to be beneficial. The kiss was a fleeting moment, whereas if I told her everything, could have been a life time. It was still awful. I was rejected by the only one I ever felt I could give my heart to. I wasn’t even turned down in a courteous manner. Olivia was disgusted in me.
“Rough night?”
“Oh, shut up!” I snap at the cab driver and sniff hard. I just want to be home and alone.
Finally, I arrive home. I quickly pay him and leave, sighing heavily. Entering my apartment, I throw my purse to the side, closing the door behind me. My place is dead silent. How depressing. Feeling my lower lib quibble and my brows furrow together, I begin to cry again. My whole body shutters with my sobs. I feel like an angel without her wings. I am flightless; caught in the sad trap of gravity. I can’t fly without Olivia.
I want to weep; weep for my internal suffering, weep for my defeat, weep for my devastating loss, weep from my embarrassment, and weep, weep for my dignity. Never in my life have I cried so much nor did I ever know I could shed so many tears. I am such a fool.
“I blew it, I blew it…I blew it,” I whisper under my breath as I trudge to my room.
No, there is no such thing as happy endings. This was life. This was reality. This was not a fairytale. No matter how much I closed my eyes and how badly I wished, how badly I wanted to believe, it wouldn’t happen. I had no fairy godmother to grant me a magical wish to make everything right. There was no prince to rescue me. There was just the sad truth of reality. And my reality was Olivia and I never had a chance.
I fall onto my bed, wishing I could stop my tears. It is out of my control, just the way I was at the pub. Just the way my heart betrayed me. Just the way life is. My hand fumbles around on my nightstand, searching for the bottle of Jack Daniels I had recently become best friends with. This is what will get me to sleep. This is what will help me forget tonight ever happened. It won’t be decent sleep but it will be sleep nonetheless. I hope when I wake up, everything that had happened will just be a nightmare. I’d give my career to take this night back.
This isn’t me.
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Please review! Please! Please! Please! I would really appreciate it! It helps me decide if I will continue or not! Thanks a bunch! :D
Title: This Isn't Me
Chapter: Two
Rating: G
Pairing: Casey/Olivia
Word Count: 1,642
Description: Casey may be a successful A.D.A, but when it comes to a certain somebody, she is lost at sea.
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I am loss of words. I close my eyes, trying to pull myself together. I open them and meet hers. Her brows are furrowed; my heart is panicking. This isn’t me.
“Casey,” she asks again.
‘I love you!’ My mind screams.
It’s now or never.
Reluctantly, I pull away from the detective and walk to the door, my heels clicking against the tile floor. As I close it, I allow myself to exhale, my lungs thanking me for the release of Carbon Dioxide. I wonder what could be going on through Olivias’ head.
I can’t. I just can’t. Fear is such a powerful device. I can’t find my courage. I suddenly realize I have been standing with my hand on the door for a while. I finally turn around to face her. She looks perplexed. I don’t blame her. ‘Ugh, she’s so beautiful,’ is all I can think.
“Olivia,” I try to muster up my courtroom presence. If I had had some time to rehearse, I wouldn’t be as nervous. She keeps those beautiful brown eyes on me, leaning forward ever so slightly, as if she is trying to encourage me to keep on talking.
“I could use a drink, how about you?” My voice is a bit more husky than normal.
“I can tell,” a small smile from her, “Yeah, lemme just finish up this paperwork.”
The second she leaves, I am relieved even though I miss her presence. My heart attempts to calm down its rapid beating, but it feels like it may never stop threatening to escape my chest. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, grabbing for my purse where I grasp my compact. I have to try and make myself better looking for this evening.
An hour, maybe more; I’m not sure, has passed. I waited in my office, not exactly doing anything in particular, too anxious by the thought of sharing a drink or two with Olivia. Once I notice her giving her reports to Gragen, I take it as a sign to leave my office and I do, closing the door behind me. I flash a smile to Olivia who grabs her coat. I feel some confidence returning to me. It may be the idea of liquor that returns it to me or the fact that it is only her and me.
“Ready?” She asks. I smile again and nod. I don’t count on having a cool exterior as I normally do. Olivia has to know. She just has to.
“You know it,” a small, nervous chuckle.
**********************************
The bar is rowdy and loud, but I like the ambiance. I had allowed Olivia to pick a new place and she decided on Two Fools Tavern. It was Irish of course and I wonder if she picked it because she knew I was Irish. Nonetheless, it made me blush. Perhaps, she felt it would help me relax. Whiskey certainly would.
“Here,” she points out, placing a hand on my lower back to guide me. My stomach does a flip.
We take our seats, shuffling a bit as we remove our coats. We’re instantly greeted by a cocktail server and we give our drink orders. I know what she wants; her drink never changes. I order Makers Mark and ginger. I enjoy the hint of sweetness, but the harshness of the hard liquor.
Our conversation starts out casually, allowing me to feel a bit more at ease. I can tell she is avoiding asking me what is on my mind; what was wrong. Olivia would soon ask the inevitable, but she knew when the right time was. I was dreading that moment. I only hoped I would be drunk enough when it came to it. I need this liquid courage which was just pathetic. If I did tell what Elliot demanded of me, what I needed to say, I doubt Olivia would appreciate a drunken confession. How cliché.
Downing my sixth drink, it was about time I felt the warm feeling in my cheeks and the numbness in my limbs. I could feel my lids getting heavy, covering my green eyes just half way. I couldn’t help but stare at the detective. As I remember, Olivia was on her fourth, but it seemed she was feeling the same effects of the liquor. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the noise we had scooted close to each other or if had been just me. Nonetheless, I was happy for our close contact.
“Are you enjoying this bar?”
“Pub, actually,” I correct and smirk, looking down at my drink. “Yes, very much so…thanks for taking me here.” It’s funny how I can articulate my words just fine when tipsy, but when confronted with my fear I am a babbling baboon.
Olivia continued to talk, but I couldn’t stay focused on her words. I could only focus on her lips moving and imagine how badly I wished to kiss them. What I wouldn’t give to know what she was thinking.
“Mhmm,” and a nod is all I can offer. She is so beautiful.
My mind has gone completely. Childhood memories: gone. High School: gone. Law school: gone. All logic and reasoning have fled my mind. And suddenly, I found myself inching closer to her. The distance closing until my lips met her. There was no stopping me. I had no control. I was possessed by my hearts desire. For once in what seemed like forever, I felt truly happy, until my world came crashing down.
Olivia pulls away from me just as soon as I kissed her. My eyes snap open to see hers. She looks shocked and appalled. I suddenly feel sick. I am so embarrassed. If it weren’t for the dim lighting, it would have been easy to see how red my face was and the terror in my eyes.
I can’t believe I kissed her. I drunkenly kissed Olivia Benson. I’m a fool.
I quickly get up, snatching my coat and purse, mumbling ‘sorry’ over and over again, trying so hard not to cry out of embarrassment and rejection. I fumble through my wallet, pulling out a 100 dollar bill and throwing it on the table to pay my bill. I simply can’t old back my tears much longer. In this frenzy, I fail to notice Olivia trying to explain it is okay. I quickly tell her another sorry and hurry out, pushing by people, trying not to stumble.
The second I get out into the night, I gasp in the cold air. Millions of negative thoughts course through my mind. “Fuck!” I say out loud, gathering attention from bystanders. I hail a taxi, just missing Olivia calling out my name by seconds, trying to stop me. I have to repeat my address twice, the cab driver failing to understand my broken words. The tears start to fall freely now. I hate myself. This isn’t me.
I doubt I even had a chance with Olivia. Thinking about it, as I cover my eyes with my scarf, I try to see how this has to be beneficial. The kiss was a fleeting moment, whereas if I told her everything, could have been a life time. It was still awful. I was rejected by the only one I ever felt I could give my heart to. I wasn’t even turned down in a courteous manner. Olivia was disgusted in me.
“Rough night?”
“Oh, shut up!” I snap at the cab driver and sniff hard. I just want to be home and alone.
Finally, I arrive home. I quickly pay him and leave, sighing heavily. Entering my apartment, I throw my purse to the side, closing the door behind me. My place is dead silent. How depressing. Feeling my lower lib quibble and my brows furrow together, I begin to cry again. My whole body shutters with my sobs. I feel like an angel without her wings. I am flightless; caught in the sad trap of gravity. I can’t fly without Olivia.
I want to weep; weep for my internal suffering, weep for my defeat, weep for my devastating loss, weep from my embarrassment, and weep, weep for my dignity. Never in my life have I cried so much nor did I ever know I could shed so many tears. I am such a fool.
“I blew it, I blew it…I blew it,” I whisper under my breath as I trudge to my room.
No, there is no such thing as happy endings. This was life. This was reality. This was not a fairytale. No matter how much I closed my eyes and how badly I wished, how badly I wanted to believe, it wouldn’t happen. I had no fairy godmother to grant me a magical wish to make everything right. There was no prince to rescue me. There was just the sad truth of reality. And my reality was Olivia and I never had a chance.
I fall onto my bed, wishing I could stop my tears. It is out of my control, just the way I was at the pub. Just the way my heart betrayed me. Just the way life is. My hand fumbles around on my nightstand, searching for the bottle of Jack Daniels I had recently become best friends with. This is what will get me to sleep. This is what will help me forget tonight ever happened. It won’t be decent sleep but it will be sleep nonetheless. I hope when I wake up, everything that had happened will just be a nightmare. I’d give my career to take this night back.
This isn’t me.
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Please review! Please! Please! Please! I would really appreciate it! It helps me decide if I will continue or not! Thanks a bunch! :D