Drabble #389
Well, hello everyone!
We've been away for a very long time- sorry!
Tegopi used to be such an important part of my life... I'm sad to admit that over the past two years that has changed in a way; I still adore our boys, but I haven't been comitted to writing their stories in such a long time...
Today I'll be sharing a little something I've worked on a while back, hoping to return a little spark.
Title: Sois Mienne
Pairing: TegoPi, duh *wink*
Genre: Romance, AU
Present day
Yuya
Ooompf. What a crappy, crappy job... No, wait, let me correct that: crappiest of all crappy jobs!
I’m sooo done.
Please, someone come and rescue me. Scooping up piles of half empty popcorn buckets, sticky- but thankfully mostly dry- drink containers and worst of all: many, tiny mountains of popcorn scattered all throughout the room...
What a mess! Not even pigs would leave such a mess behind, no really, they’d never leave a single piece of food behind, I've learned that first hand during my summer vacations with my grandparents. Their small farm was always a welcome change from the busy city life.
But shit- this is far from how I imagined my summer job to go. Think I might have gotten more bruises from kicking the chairs than I ever collected during soccer practice! Oh, why am I kicking the chairs? Well, I've got a short temper and I tend to kick things when I am annoyed, I guess. It's not the best behavior I know. I'm working on it.
Ah, well, crap. It’s not even my last round through the empty cinema. I’ve got another four hours and ten more rooms to clean in between stocking the latest snacks and drinks delivery that got in this morning.
Okay, I admit, it’s not like I had super cool plans for this summer anyways, so I should just get it over with right? Only one more week- I keep telling myself- and then I am out of here. Out, out, out!
I doubt I will be enjoying visits to the cinema for a long, long time. I really shouldn’t complain that much, I know, I know. It’s just, these past three months have been the most horrible months in my life, and working in a boring place where all I am doing is picking up trash and stocking dark rooms all day does nothing to make my days any less horrible. But what other options were there really? I'm only seventeen, I just finished school this summer, and without any experience in, um, well anything outside a class room or a soccer field, what options are there for a decent and well paying summer job?
Nada.
Exactly! So see? I really shouldn’t be complaining, at least I am working close to home. The train only takes about thirty-two minutes and I don't have to change more than once.
Roaming the empty screening rooms though for endless minutes all by myself gives me too much time to think. And when I have too much time on my hands I tend to think of Yamapi, and gosh if that isn’t the last thing I want to be doing. When I took on a job I hoped I would be too busy to waste any time thinking about him. I desperately needed something to take my mind off of him, and Paris, and all those weeks he’d be gone.
In the end, I found out it’s hopeless to keep myself busy with literally anything when I am missing him so much. Even our friends- who were sweet enough to try and distract me every other night- saw that it was almost impossible to cheer me up. I feel bad for them, of course, having to put up with me when I'm feeling like I've lost one of my limbs really isn't a walk in the park. I know I can be unbearable at times like this.
I have no idea what has gotten into me, but that one morning I dropped him off at the airport ruined my life. Well it ruined every single day up to today and until next Monday when he’ll finally be back. Believe me when I say I don’t recognize myself, I’ve never been so melodramatic, but then I never had anyone to miss like I'm missing him.
Yamapi and I, we've been an item for three and a half years now and we've never spent more than a day or two apart, and even on those occasional days we were able to call each other whenever we wanted. Knowing that he's across the ocean and unreachable for hours on end- sometimes even days- that’s something completely different. It scares me. Knowing I can’t get a hold of him whenever I only want to hear his voice, or drop by his house when I want to see his face, when all I want is to talk to him in any way possible... It's terrifying!
But what really leaves me feeling helpless and upset for days, week after week, is that I can’t share my stories and laughs when they happen, that I can’t just drive to work with him and hold his hand while sitting in his bad ass car I love so much.
If he’d stayed home, we could have actually spent every day this summer at the beach doing nothing but enjoying ourselves like we normally would. Now though, that he's gone I can’t share my lunch with the person that makes me smile, and I can't listen to his voice when I'm too full to move and just want to lie down with him, resting and relaxing. We can't go out for dinner, no aimless car rides around town or to the sea where I could’ve listened to his stupid stories and jokes and whatever he’d come up with. The worst of all, I never know if he's all right and healthy. Sometimes, he doesn't even have the chance to get back at me for hours and hours. I just need reassurance he is alive and well. Stupid time zones and all.
I shouldn’t complain really. It was his biggest wish to go abroad for the summer, how could I have possibly told him not to go, just because?
That was no option, not really, and even though I really, really care about him, I never thought being apart would actually be this difficult. Or that it would hurt like somebody ripped my heart out while it was still beating.
It’s awful how I can’t even think straight when we're apart. If I had known it would be so difficult, I might’ve considered asking him to stay. Oh Jeez, who am I kidding? I would have never had the guts to say a word, only because I wanted to feel better myself. I'm not that selfish.
I'm sure he is having a lot of fun over there, with all those cool museums, art galleries, restaurants, bars and shops he always tells me about. They have beautiful parks and the most gorgeous buildings and apparently the best damn food ever. Not that I care about food as much, but I know how Yamapi appreciates his sweets. And anything else edible.
Most of all though, he really is a sugar glutton for chrisssakeee! It must be heaven for him over there, with all those fancy pastries and cakes and ice cream and hard candy and godknowswhatelse. Sometimes, I believe the clouds there must be made out of cotton candy and it rains cherry flavored bonbons and strawberry-mint candy canes! Every time we speak he tells me about another new favorite sweet and dessert he discovered, and how he wants to bring back this and that and recipes to no end.
I wonder if he’d not better become a confectioner instead of some business monk. I keep teasing him that his Business & International Affairs course is just a cover and that he secretly works at some fancy ass pastry chef or something. I would actually like if that was true, because it would just suit him so well with his sugary sweet persona and those warm chocolaty eyes and warm pink-ish cheeks. Oh gods, how I miss him.
“Hey, Yuya?”
I turn at the sound of my name to find Yamada standing in the door frame, his black rimmed glasses in place and a wide grin on his plumb lips. Yamada’s also working a summer job at the cinema and had been assigned to ticket sales all morning, for the entire week. What I’d give to switch with him.
“What’s up?”
“It’s your turn. Snack duty for you.”
“Oh thank god!”
Two weeks earlier
Yamapi
“I can’t believe I am gonna be out of here in just a few weeks.”
Oh Jeez, I'm talking to myself again aren’t I? Of course I am because nobody would be listening to my complaints right now. For one, I am walking across a damned bridge and second, nobody here speaks Japanese. Or English. At least the majority doesn’t and those who probably are capable of understanding wouldn’t even consider actually speaking to me. Sadly, that has been my experience so far, people in Paris are really not the friendliest.
I still don’t really know what to think about the city itself. I’ve seen some wonderful and amazing hidden spots, cafes, bars, little shops that sell the most interesting things, but getting there? Not so easy. It’s almost as if it must require sonar and Geiger counters for detection. But then, the effort had always been worth it. The streets are way busy though, and the traffic is insane! The Seine cruise, where I was able to momentarily escape the chain-saw din of Paris' streets, was the most enjoyable of all trips. Sigh.
“And those poor elderly couples who got robbed by two hobo’s right before my very eyes! I still can’t believe it. In a park busy with families and kids and dogs. Robbed. In broad daylight.”
It was my very first weekend here and I was on my way back from a museum as I passed through a small park where a group of elderly women and men were just sitting on a bench enjoying their little chat when suddenly two very dirty looking men walked straight up to them and mugged the living shit out of these poor old ladies! Purses and everything! That was totally insane. I was so stunned and it happened so fast that all I could witness was them running off and the ladies struggled to catch their breaths. They weren’t even crying for help, which made me wonder if that happens a lot around here, or if they were just too stunned to move, like I found myself glued to the spot, trembling inside and out. I've waited a moment to see whether there was a TV team following, but nothing alike happened. I thought it could’ve been maybe some filming a TV show, or a movie, or something. Nobody else around us seemed bothered by the incident.
“I’ve been a little on edge ever since when I am out by myself.”
Okay, I really have to stop this talking to my self thing. Out loud at least. I think I have taken on that habit ever since I came here, simply because I'm not used to be all by myself for long, and naturally I'm always talking. Rambling. About anything and everything. Now that I am the only one listening to myself I began to seriously wonder how annoying my rambling must be for my friends. For the past handful of years I have always been surrounded by either my best friends or very much preferably my boyfriend. Those poor bastards. I know they have been joking about me talking too much before, many times actually, but I never really took it seriously. After all they might have been very serious about it going on their nerves.
Looking over my shoulder I try to push all thoughts of my friends aside and instead take in the pretty sight of the canal I just passed. Just a few more weeks and I won’t be able to enjoy that sight for ever maybe. They say the construction of the canal was ordered by Napoleon I in 1802, in order to create an artificial waterway for supplying Paris with fresh water to support a growing population and to help avoid diseases such as dysentery and chorea. To be honest I don’t know all that much about this Napoleon guy and European history in general, but I enjoy picking up random information and references wherever I go. It gives me a good feeling just to know things even if its not going to be of much use in daily life.
After crossing the street I arrive at my favorite cafe within a few minutes. I order the usual- black coffee and a piece of today’s special dessert. My stomach does a quick flip-flop as I'm waiting for my laptop to boot. In just a few moments I will be able to talk to Yuya.
“Finally.”
I’ve been dying to hear his voice- I would say in years cause that’s what it feels like but I know it’s not true since we talked last night. Still, every new day we are apart I can literally feel the hours pass slower and slower and it seems like I’m never going to see him again.
“Crap. I’ve become such a sap those past months it’s ridiculous.”
What is even more ridiculous is how much I miss that little freak.
Just as I am logging in on Skype and I see Yuya’s tiny Pikachu icon next to the blinking “call” symbol pop into vision, the waiter brings me my coffee and a wonderful delicious looking piece of cheese-cake citron. My favorite. For a second I am actually considering munching down that cake and letting Yuya wait. Ah, no use. As much as I want to taste the cheese-cake I still prefer to talk to my boyfriend. I pull the headphones over my ears to tune out the few other customers around me and the busy street noises. Ready to hear that gorgeous voice I’ve been hearing in my mind all day for real.
“Don’t tell me you’re eating that cheese-cake again.”
Here he goes. The way he smiles and chuckles makes me want to scoop him up in a big hug and never let him go again. Sometimes I wonder what I have been thinking coming here. Sure it was what I had always wanted to do, and I assume it just sounded easier and more exciting in theory.
“Hello to you too.”
“Hey stranger.” Yuya says with a grin on his lips and slight shake of his head. “Go ahead, eat your cake I can wait.”
I know he wouldn’t mind if I’d just dig in but seeing his beautiful face right here even through the small display suddenly made me loose all my appetite. Knowing he is hundreds and thousands of miles away and has been for the past two and a half months or so, makes my stomach ache and turn and my throat too tight to breathe or speak.
Jeez, it’s been such a roller coaster ride since I left. The experience to be abroad and studying still is amazing, but missing Yuya and my boring old home- all the places we could go right now and things we could do instead of talking through a stupid electronic device is too much of a sacrifice. Most of the time it really is. I'd rather be with him doing nothing at all, than being in a place so awesome with things to do so incredible and unique. I should feel bad about it really, but I just can’t. I miss him too much.
“You know I love watching you eat your desserts.”
Yuya straightens himself in front of the camera and takes me out of my little rant. His eyes look a little tired but still radiant, and sparkling as if the sunlight reflects in them. Maybe it is just me but to me he’s always the most beautiful no matter how exhausted or sleepy. Like so often, he sounds and looks like he must be in need for a long cozy nap. Preferably with his head on my lap. Sigh.
“Can you actually see it? The cake I mean.” I give the plate next to the laptop a glance but it’s definitely out of sight for the camera to catch it. “Or are you psychic and you never told me before?”
“No and no. I can see it on your face. The way you look, you only look at cheese-cake that way. You’re eyes are all sparkly.” Yuya says with a laugh and shake of his head. “I wish you’d look at me that way just once.”
“Who says it’s not because of you? I’ve been dying to talk to you.” I really have and he should know it. Dang. He must be teasing because there is no way I would look at cheese-cake that way. However that way is.
“I know you have, but no, you only look at cheese-cake that way.”
Yuya gives me a look I can’t really pin down. He isn’t angry or upset but definitely not his happiest and a bit more than just sleepy. It worries me a little.
Then we fall into a rather awkward silence.
Taking a drink of my cold coffee I can just stare at the screen for a long moment. I know he’s been teasing but something is definitely going on in his mind and he’s not willing to tell me. Well I am one to talk, I wish I could bring out the words I am dying to say but they just won’t come. It’s so easy, really. In theory. I only have to say: Yuya, baby, I miss you so much I can’t hardly breathe, I can’t even enjoy my beloved cheese-cake and I most definitely have all my special looks saved for you. Don’t be jealous of the cheese-cake, sweetheart, I only love you. And I am going fucking crazy without you here and I will never be able to live anywhere if you’re not there. Because everywhere I look I see your face, I hear your voice in everyone and my dreams are haunted by you; everything you are. I want you to be with me forever and always and please never ever leave me because it will kill me.
Damn right. I can’t just say that and I know it. Not only does it sound like the lamest lyrics of a cheap love song, poorly translated by someone who doesn’t speak either language well. It also would freak him out, poor Yuya. Of course we love each other and we both are pretty aware of that. We’ve been together for three years and haven’t ever had a big fall out or whatever comes between the happiest couples. It’s been perfect with Yuya that it’s almost scary. He’s always been wonderful to me and we both know we care about each other crazily.
Yuya knows he’s got that special place in my heart and I am sure he feels pretty much the same. Since we haven’t ever really needed words to know where we stand I’ve never spoken about my feelings about him, us, proper feelings heart and soul and all face to face. Sometimes I wondered if it wouldn’t be easier to just blurt it all out through our little chat and pretend he couldn’t hear me and pull out the headphones so I wouldn’t have to listen to whatever he has to say in return. That’s just too chicken and he’d kill me once I am back.
With every day we’ve been apart I felt the need grow stronger to tell him though. I want him to know what I want in my future, that I want him. And I need him to tell me honestly what he wants and how he see’s his future for us. Not that I think anything would suddenly change, but somehow it seems like a big step out of who and where we’ve been so far.
"So Yuu, you're ready for University?"
"I guess so."
Yuya shrugs and gives me another one of those unreadable looks which start to worry me quite a big deal. He looked a bit out of it the last few times we talked as well.
"Yuya. What's going on? You were out of your mind excited until recently.”
"It's just. Never mind."
"Oh no you're not doing this Yuu! Tell me what's bugging you?"
“University will be just fine.”
“Did something happen? Why don’t you tell me about your day, huh?”
"Don't you have somewhere to go to? I mean isn't it time for your class or homework?" Yuya shakes his head and sighs again.
"Yuu," Oh I think I know what this is about, at least to some extend. "You know it's only three more weeks until I'm home."
"I know." Yuya sighs and rubs his thumb over his bottom lip like he always does when something is upsetting him.
"Then don't give me that sad face, pup. Show me that adorable smile again so I can go to sleep tonight with much happier thoughts until I can squeeze you again. Okay?"
"I'm sorry, it’s jus'...Nothing. Except..I guess I miss you, quite a lot."
"It's gonna be fine. I miss you too Yuu. Incredibly so."
Present day
Yuya
Phew. I’ve got no idea why I am put into service duty all of a sudden since my plan for the week had been settled for a month now. I won’t complain though, because this is way more pleasant and with all the customers around I will have less time to actually think.
What on earth… The first person greeting me before the counter looks a damn lot like my boyfriend. My boyfriend who is supposed to be across the north Atlantic. Or was it the South? Or-
“Yamapi! What are you doing here?”
“Buying two tickets to see any movie you’d like. My treat.”
Yamapi beams me one of his brightest smiles and tiny streaks of light red reflects in his caramel brown hair, which even underneath that cheap indoor lighting looks stunning. I immediately notice his skin appears quite a bit pale and not it’s usual shade of near gold he'd get during the summer by the beach. I guess they don’t have as much sun in Paris. But I could care less, he still looks absolutely breathtaking and those big melty chocolaty brown eyes set my body on fire with just one look.
“B-but you are supposed to be in Paris!”
“Well, change of plan.” He grins. “Now could I get two tickets and a large popcorn, please?”
Damn. I want to swipe that nasty grin off his face. With a breathless kiss.
“But- ”
“I’ll explain while we are waiting for the movie to start, okay? Do you want a drink? Anything you like Yuu. Take your pick.”
This is really happening is it? Okay, calm down Yuya. But, shit, I can’t. Yamapi is here and not in Paris, he is here. Right now. In front of me and close enough to touch. Touch. Oh god how I want to touch him.
“Uh umm. Well, what movie do you want to see? Only two are about to start the next half hour.”
“You decide, plus whatever you want to drink and eat and yes, you are off work in about ten minutes so you better hurry unless you want to do overtime.”
Oh god that smile. He is going to give me a heart attack right here in front of a hundred people.
“But how?”
“Don’t worry Yuu, it’s all been taken care of.”
Present Day
Yamapi
I guess my surprise worked out well if not better than expected. Yuya hasn’t stopped smiling ever since he slid down in his seat next to me with popcorn and his hand on my knee. I have known for a fact that Yuya had been dying to see that new Riddick movie and so I had it arranged for us to catch a show. I’ve got no idea about romantic dates and stuff but I think I can say Yuya is pretty much over the moon, which makes me quite happy myself.
Now we’re just browsing through the shops of the mall in quest for a couple of items Yuya’s mom had the shops hold back for him to pick up after work. One shop done, one more to find. I follow him through the aisles of a random girls clothing section, admiring his slender backside. How I wish we could be home already so I could wrap my arms tight around his body and hold him close until forever.
“Hey, Yuya.”
Oh god, I think I will do it.
Right here, right now.
“Yeah?”
When he turns around with a questioning look I can literally feel my knees morph into jelly but I won’t turn back now. So I slowly lower myself onto my knee and give him my best smile. At least I try.
"Yamapi!"
Yuya gapes at me like he’s seeing me turn into an alien or something. I chuckle slightly and feel how my nerves are actually ease at his adorable expression.
No. Turning. Back.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a very beautiful silver ring.
"Gimme your hand Yuu."
"What the hell are you doing? Get up!"
"Relax. Just give me your hand for a moment."
I hear him mumble something under his breath, but he gives me his hand after all without further fussing.
"You've been mine for three years now -"
"Three and a half."
“True. So you’ve been mine for three and a half years and I thought it impossible to ever grow tired of you. Being away in Paris has been one of the craziest and exciting experiences in my life so far, but it also has been quite a challenge. I learned that it really is impossible to ever grow tired of you but also that it is impossible to live without you. One day I want to take you to Paris and show you all those beautiful places and more, because being there by myself everything was only half as beautiful. I love you Yuya.”
“Oh god Yamapi, I-I love you to and all and can you just please get up now? Please?”
I can’t help myself and laugh out loud, louder than intended. But he’s just too adorable when he’s embarrassed as hell and if I don’t love help with that.
“Wait I’m not done.” I clear my throat a little exaggeratedly. “Yuya baby, please be mine. Forever and always. I know we can not get married for real, but we can still promise forever.”
I think he is going to kill me right here in the shop. But he looks so adorable I couldn’t even be mad if he’d hurt me.
“Yuu?”
Now he’s starting to worry me a little though, no response? That’s not really like him. I at least had expected a kick to my shin or punch into my stomach. Frozen in time and space isn’t really as attractive and I pull him down onto his knees with me. “Yuu? Are you all right?”
I think seconds pass and minutes tick away? I don’t really know how much time has passed when he finally cracks a smile and slings his arms around me. The impact of his hug throws me off balance and we both stumble backwards until I land on my behind. I don’t dare to move even an inch and just hold Yuya in a very tight and desperate embrace. I can feel my shirt dampen and a tear trickle onto my neck and Yuya nuzzles in deeper. My hand reaches up to pat his head gently, and I suddenly feel a little afraid to speak.
“Mhm.” Yuya nods against me and whispers, “You know I'd marry you on the spot if we could.”
We've been away for a very long time- sorry!
Tegopi used to be such an important part of my life... I'm sad to admit that over the past two years that has changed in a way; I still adore our boys, but I haven't been comitted to writing their stories in such a long time...
Today I'll be sharing a little something I've worked on a while back, hoping to return a little spark.
Title: Sois Mienne
Pairing: TegoPi, duh *wink*
Genre: Romance, AU
Present day
Yuya
Ooompf. What a crappy, crappy job... No, wait, let me correct that: crappiest of all crappy jobs!
I’m sooo done.
Please, someone come and rescue me. Scooping up piles of half empty popcorn buckets, sticky- but thankfully mostly dry- drink containers and worst of all: many, tiny mountains of popcorn scattered all throughout the room...
What a mess! Not even pigs would leave such a mess behind, no really, they’d never leave a single piece of food behind, I've learned that first hand during my summer vacations with my grandparents. Their small farm was always a welcome change from the busy city life.
But shit- this is far from how I imagined my summer job to go. Think I might have gotten more bruises from kicking the chairs than I ever collected during soccer practice! Oh, why am I kicking the chairs? Well, I've got a short temper and I tend to kick things when I am annoyed, I guess. It's not the best behavior I know. I'm working on it.
Ah, well, crap. It’s not even my last round through the empty cinema. I’ve got another four hours and ten more rooms to clean in between stocking the latest snacks and drinks delivery that got in this morning.
Okay, I admit, it’s not like I had super cool plans for this summer anyways, so I should just get it over with right? Only one more week- I keep telling myself- and then I am out of here. Out, out, out!
I doubt I will be enjoying visits to the cinema for a long, long time. I really shouldn’t complain that much, I know, I know. It’s just, these past three months have been the most horrible months in my life, and working in a boring place where all I am doing is picking up trash and stocking dark rooms all day does nothing to make my days any less horrible. But what other options were there really? I'm only seventeen, I just finished school this summer, and without any experience in, um, well anything outside a class room or a soccer field, what options are there for a decent and well paying summer job?
Nada.
Exactly! So see? I really shouldn’t be complaining, at least I am working close to home. The train only takes about thirty-two minutes and I don't have to change more than once.
Roaming the empty screening rooms though for endless minutes all by myself gives me too much time to think. And when I have too much time on my hands I tend to think of Yamapi, and gosh if that isn’t the last thing I want to be doing. When I took on a job I hoped I would be too busy to waste any time thinking about him. I desperately needed something to take my mind off of him, and Paris, and all those weeks he’d be gone.
In the end, I found out it’s hopeless to keep myself busy with literally anything when I am missing him so much. Even our friends- who were sweet enough to try and distract me every other night- saw that it was almost impossible to cheer me up. I feel bad for them, of course, having to put up with me when I'm feeling like I've lost one of my limbs really isn't a walk in the park. I know I can be unbearable at times like this.
I have no idea what has gotten into me, but that one morning I dropped him off at the airport ruined my life. Well it ruined every single day up to today and until next Monday when he’ll finally be back. Believe me when I say I don’t recognize myself, I’ve never been so melodramatic, but then I never had anyone to miss like I'm missing him.
Yamapi and I, we've been an item for three and a half years now and we've never spent more than a day or two apart, and even on those occasional days we were able to call each other whenever we wanted. Knowing that he's across the ocean and unreachable for hours on end- sometimes even days- that’s something completely different. It scares me. Knowing I can’t get a hold of him whenever I only want to hear his voice, or drop by his house when I want to see his face, when all I want is to talk to him in any way possible... It's terrifying!
But what really leaves me feeling helpless and upset for days, week after week, is that I can’t share my stories and laughs when they happen, that I can’t just drive to work with him and hold his hand while sitting in his bad ass car I love so much.
If he’d stayed home, we could have actually spent every day this summer at the beach doing nothing but enjoying ourselves like we normally would. Now though, that he's gone I can’t share my lunch with the person that makes me smile, and I can't listen to his voice when I'm too full to move and just want to lie down with him, resting and relaxing. We can't go out for dinner, no aimless car rides around town or to the sea where I could’ve listened to his stupid stories and jokes and whatever he’d come up with. The worst of all, I never know if he's all right and healthy. Sometimes, he doesn't even have the chance to get back at me for hours and hours. I just need reassurance he is alive and well. Stupid time zones and all.
I shouldn’t complain really. It was his biggest wish to go abroad for the summer, how could I have possibly told him not to go, just because?
That was no option, not really, and even though I really, really care about him, I never thought being apart would actually be this difficult. Or that it would hurt like somebody ripped my heart out while it was still beating.
It’s awful how I can’t even think straight when we're apart. If I had known it would be so difficult, I might’ve considered asking him to stay. Oh Jeez, who am I kidding? I would have never had the guts to say a word, only because I wanted to feel better myself. I'm not that selfish.
I'm sure he is having a lot of fun over there, with all those cool museums, art galleries, restaurants, bars and shops he always tells me about. They have beautiful parks and the most gorgeous buildings and apparently the best damn food ever. Not that I care about food as much, but I know how Yamapi appreciates his sweets. And anything else edible.
Most of all though, he really is a sugar glutton for chrisssakeee! It must be heaven for him over there, with all those fancy pastries and cakes and ice cream and hard candy and godknowswhatelse. Sometimes, I believe the clouds there must be made out of cotton candy and it rains cherry flavored bonbons and strawberry-mint candy canes! Every time we speak he tells me about another new favorite sweet and dessert he discovered, and how he wants to bring back this and that and recipes to no end.
I wonder if he’d not better become a confectioner instead of some business monk. I keep teasing him that his Business & International Affairs course is just a cover and that he secretly works at some fancy ass pastry chef or something. I would actually like if that was true, because it would just suit him so well with his sugary sweet persona and those warm chocolaty eyes and warm pink-ish cheeks. Oh gods, how I miss him.
“Hey, Yuya?”
I turn at the sound of my name to find Yamada standing in the door frame, his black rimmed glasses in place and a wide grin on his plumb lips. Yamada’s also working a summer job at the cinema and had been assigned to ticket sales all morning, for the entire week. What I’d give to switch with him.
“What’s up?”
“It’s your turn. Snack duty for you.”
“Oh thank god!”
Two weeks earlier
Yamapi
“I can’t believe I am gonna be out of here in just a few weeks.”
Oh Jeez, I'm talking to myself again aren’t I? Of course I am because nobody would be listening to my complaints right now. For one, I am walking across a damned bridge and second, nobody here speaks Japanese. Or English. At least the majority doesn’t and those who probably are capable of understanding wouldn’t even consider actually speaking to me. Sadly, that has been my experience so far, people in Paris are really not the friendliest.
I still don’t really know what to think about the city itself. I’ve seen some wonderful and amazing hidden spots, cafes, bars, little shops that sell the most interesting things, but getting there? Not so easy. It’s almost as if it must require sonar and Geiger counters for detection. But then, the effort had always been worth it. The streets are way busy though, and the traffic is insane! The Seine cruise, where I was able to momentarily escape the chain-saw din of Paris' streets, was the most enjoyable of all trips. Sigh.
“And those poor elderly couples who got robbed by two hobo’s right before my very eyes! I still can’t believe it. In a park busy with families and kids and dogs. Robbed. In broad daylight.”
It was my very first weekend here and I was on my way back from a museum as I passed through a small park where a group of elderly women and men were just sitting on a bench enjoying their little chat when suddenly two very dirty looking men walked straight up to them and mugged the living shit out of these poor old ladies! Purses and everything! That was totally insane. I was so stunned and it happened so fast that all I could witness was them running off and the ladies struggled to catch their breaths. They weren’t even crying for help, which made me wonder if that happens a lot around here, or if they were just too stunned to move, like I found myself glued to the spot, trembling inside and out. I've waited a moment to see whether there was a TV team following, but nothing alike happened. I thought it could’ve been maybe some filming a TV show, or a movie, or something. Nobody else around us seemed bothered by the incident.
“I’ve been a little on edge ever since when I am out by myself.”
Okay, I really have to stop this talking to my self thing. Out loud at least. I think I have taken on that habit ever since I came here, simply because I'm not used to be all by myself for long, and naturally I'm always talking. Rambling. About anything and everything. Now that I am the only one listening to myself I began to seriously wonder how annoying my rambling must be for my friends. For the past handful of years I have always been surrounded by either my best friends or very much preferably my boyfriend. Those poor bastards. I know they have been joking about me talking too much before, many times actually, but I never really took it seriously. After all they might have been very serious about it going on their nerves.
Looking over my shoulder I try to push all thoughts of my friends aside and instead take in the pretty sight of the canal I just passed. Just a few more weeks and I won’t be able to enjoy that sight for ever maybe. They say the construction of the canal was ordered by Napoleon I in 1802, in order to create an artificial waterway for supplying Paris with fresh water to support a growing population and to help avoid diseases such as dysentery and chorea. To be honest I don’t know all that much about this Napoleon guy and European history in general, but I enjoy picking up random information and references wherever I go. It gives me a good feeling just to know things even if its not going to be of much use in daily life.
After crossing the street I arrive at my favorite cafe within a few minutes. I order the usual- black coffee and a piece of today’s special dessert. My stomach does a quick flip-flop as I'm waiting for my laptop to boot. In just a few moments I will be able to talk to Yuya.
“Finally.”
I’ve been dying to hear his voice- I would say in years cause that’s what it feels like but I know it’s not true since we talked last night. Still, every new day we are apart I can literally feel the hours pass slower and slower and it seems like I’m never going to see him again.
“Crap. I’ve become such a sap those past months it’s ridiculous.”
What is even more ridiculous is how much I miss that little freak.
Just as I am logging in on Skype and I see Yuya’s tiny Pikachu icon next to the blinking “call” symbol pop into vision, the waiter brings me my coffee and a wonderful delicious looking piece of cheese-cake citron. My favorite. For a second I am actually considering munching down that cake and letting Yuya wait. Ah, no use. As much as I want to taste the cheese-cake I still prefer to talk to my boyfriend. I pull the headphones over my ears to tune out the few other customers around me and the busy street noises. Ready to hear that gorgeous voice I’ve been hearing in my mind all day for real.
“Don’t tell me you’re eating that cheese-cake again.”
Here he goes. The way he smiles and chuckles makes me want to scoop him up in a big hug and never let him go again. Sometimes I wonder what I have been thinking coming here. Sure it was what I had always wanted to do, and I assume it just sounded easier and more exciting in theory.
“Hello to you too.”
“Hey stranger.” Yuya says with a grin on his lips and slight shake of his head. “Go ahead, eat your cake I can wait.”
I know he wouldn’t mind if I’d just dig in but seeing his beautiful face right here even through the small display suddenly made me loose all my appetite. Knowing he is hundreds and thousands of miles away and has been for the past two and a half months or so, makes my stomach ache and turn and my throat too tight to breathe or speak.
Jeez, it’s been such a roller coaster ride since I left. The experience to be abroad and studying still is amazing, but missing Yuya and my boring old home- all the places we could go right now and things we could do instead of talking through a stupid electronic device is too much of a sacrifice. Most of the time it really is. I'd rather be with him doing nothing at all, than being in a place so awesome with things to do so incredible and unique. I should feel bad about it really, but I just can’t. I miss him too much.
“You know I love watching you eat your desserts.”
Yuya straightens himself in front of the camera and takes me out of my little rant. His eyes look a little tired but still radiant, and sparkling as if the sunlight reflects in them. Maybe it is just me but to me he’s always the most beautiful no matter how exhausted or sleepy. Like so often, he sounds and looks like he must be in need for a long cozy nap. Preferably with his head on my lap. Sigh.
“Can you actually see it? The cake I mean.” I give the plate next to the laptop a glance but it’s definitely out of sight for the camera to catch it. “Or are you psychic and you never told me before?”
“No and no. I can see it on your face. The way you look, you only look at cheese-cake that way. You’re eyes are all sparkly.” Yuya says with a laugh and shake of his head. “I wish you’d look at me that way just once.”
“Who says it’s not because of you? I’ve been dying to talk to you.” I really have and he should know it. Dang. He must be teasing because there is no way I would look at cheese-cake that way. However that way is.
“I know you have, but no, you only look at cheese-cake that way.”
Yuya gives me a look I can’t really pin down. He isn’t angry or upset but definitely not his happiest and a bit more than just sleepy. It worries me a little.
Then we fall into a rather awkward silence.
Taking a drink of my cold coffee I can just stare at the screen for a long moment. I know he’s been teasing but something is definitely going on in his mind and he’s not willing to tell me. Well I am one to talk, I wish I could bring out the words I am dying to say but they just won’t come. It’s so easy, really. In theory. I only have to say: Yuya, baby, I miss you so much I can’t hardly breathe, I can’t even enjoy my beloved cheese-cake and I most definitely have all my special looks saved for you. Don’t be jealous of the cheese-cake, sweetheart, I only love you. And I am going fucking crazy without you here and I will never be able to live anywhere if you’re not there. Because everywhere I look I see your face, I hear your voice in everyone and my dreams are haunted by you; everything you are. I want you to be with me forever and always and please never ever leave me because it will kill me.
Damn right. I can’t just say that and I know it. Not only does it sound like the lamest lyrics of a cheap love song, poorly translated by someone who doesn’t speak either language well. It also would freak him out, poor Yuya. Of course we love each other and we both are pretty aware of that. We’ve been together for three years and haven’t ever had a big fall out or whatever comes between the happiest couples. It’s been perfect with Yuya that it’s almost scary. He’s always been wonderful to me and we both know we care about each other crazily.
Yuya knows he’s got that special place in my heart and I am sure he feels pretty much the same. Since we haven’t ever really needed words to know where we stand I’ve never spoken about my feelings about him, us, proper feelings heart and soul and all face to face. Sometimes I wondered if it wouldn’t be easier to just blurt it all out through our little chat and pretend he couldn’t hear me and pull out the headphones so I wouldn’t have to listen to whatever he has to say in return. That’s just too chicken and he’d kill me once I am back.
With every day we’ve been apart I felt the need grow stronger to tell him though. I want him to know what I want in my future, that I want him. And I need him to tell me honestly what he wants and how he see’s his future for us. Not that I think anything would suddenly change, but somehow it seems like a big step out of who and where we’ve been so far.
"So Yuu, you're ready for University?"
"I guess so."
Yuya shrugs and gives me another one of those unreadable looks which start to worry me quite a big deal. He looked a bit out of it the last few times we talked as well.
"Yuya. What's going on? You were out of your mind excited until recently.”
"It's just. Never mind."
"Oh no you're not doing this Yuu! Tell me what's bugging you?"
“University will be just fine.”
“Did something happen? Why don’t you tell me about your day, huh?”
"Don't you have somewhere to go to? I mean isn't it time for your class or homework?" Yuya shakes his head and sighs again.
"Yuu," Oh I think I know what this is about, at least to some extend. "You know it's only three more weeks until I'm home."
"I know." Yuya sighs and rubs his thumb over his bottom lip like he always does when something is upsetting him.
"Then don't give me that sad face, pup. Show me that adorable smile again so I can go to sleep tonight with much happier thoughts until I can squeeze you again. Okay?"
"I'm sorry, it’s jus'...Nothing. Except..I guess I miss you, quite a lot."
"It's gonna be fine. I miss you too Yuu. Incredibly so."
Present day
Yuya
Phew. I’ve got no idea why I am put into service duty all of a sudden since my plan for the week had been settled for a month now. I won’t complain though, because this is way more pleasant and with all the customers around I will have less time to actually think.
What on earth… The first person greeting me before the counter looks a damn lot like my boyfriend. My boyfriend who is supposed to be across the north Atlantic. Or was it the South? Or-
“Yamapi! What are you doing here?”
“Buying two tickets to see any movie you’d like. My treat.”
Yamapi beams me one of his brightest smiles and tiny streaks of light red reflects in his caramel brown hair, which even underneath that cheap indoor lighting looks stunning. I immediately notice his skin appears quite a bit pale and not it’s usual shade of near gold he'd get during the summer by the beach. I guess they don’t have as much sun in Paris. But I could care less, he still looks absolutely breathtaking and those big melty chocolaty brown eyes set my body on fire with just one look.
“B-but you are supposed to be in Paris!”
“Well, change of plan.” He grins. “Now could I get two tickets and a large popcorn, please?”
Damn. I want to swipe that nasty grin off his face. With a breathless kiss.
“But- ”
“I’ll explain while we are waiting for the movie to start, okay? Do you want a drink? Anything you like Yuu. Take your pick.”
This is really happening is it? Okay, calm down Yuya. But, shit, I can’t. Yamapi is here and not in Paris, he is here. Right now. In front of me and close enough to touch. Touch. Oh god how I want to touch him.
“Uh umm. Well, what movie do you want to see? Only two are about to start the next half hour.”
“You decide, plus whatever you want to drink and eat and yes, you are off work in about ten minutes so you better hurry unless you want to do overtime.”
Oh god that smile. He is going to give me a heart attack right here in front of a hundred people.
“But how?”
“Don’t worry Yuu, it’s all been taken care of.”
Present Day
Yamapi
I guess my surprise worked out well if not better than expected. Yuya hasn’t stopped smiling ever since he slid down in his seat next to me with popcorn and his hand on my knee. I have known for a fact that Yuya had been dying to see that new Riddick movie and so I had it arranged for us to catch a show. I’ve got no idea about romantic dates and stuff but I think I can say Yuya is pretty much over the moon, which makes me quite happy myself.
Now we’re just browsing through the shops of the mall in quest for a couple of items Yuya’s mom had the shops hold back for him to pick up after work. One shop done, one more to find. I follow him through the aisles of a random girls clothing section, admiring his slender backside. How I wish we could be home already so I could wrap my arms tight around his body and hold him close until forever.
“Hey, Yuya.”
Oh god, I think I will do it.
Right here, right now.
“Yeah?”
When he turns around with a questioning look I can literally feel my knees morph into jelly but I won’t turn back now. So I slowly lower myself onto my knee and give him my best smile. At least I try.
"Yamapi!"
Yuya gapes at me like he’s seeing me turn into an alien or something. I chuckle slightly and feel how my nerves are actually ease at his adorable expression.
No. Turning. Back.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a very beautiful silver ring.
"Gimme your hand Yuu."
"What the hell are you doing? Get up!"
"Relax. Just give me your hand for a moment."
I hear him mumble something under his breath, but he gives me his hand after all without further fussing.
"You've been mine for three years now -"
"Three and a half."
“True. So you’ve been mine for three and a half years and I thought it impossible to ever grow tired of you. Being away in Paris has been one of the craziest and exciting experiences in my life so far, but it also has been quite a challenge. I learned that it really is impossible to ever grow tired of you but also that it is impossible to live without you. One day I want to take you to Paris and show you all those beautiful places and more, because being there by myself everything was only half as beautiful. I love you Yuya.”
“Oh god Yamapi, I-I love you to and all and can you just please get up now? Please?”
I can’t help myself and laugh out loud, louder than intended. But he’s just too adorable when he’s embarrassed as hell and if I don’t love help with that.
“Wait I’m not done.” I clear my throat a little exaggeratedly. “Yuya baby, please be mine. Forever and always. I know we can not get married for real, but we can still promise forever.”
I think he is going to kill me right here in the shop. But he looks so adorable I couldn’t even be mad if he’d hurt me.
“Yuu?”
Now he’s starting to worry me a little though, no response? That’s not really like him. I at least had expected a kick to my shin or punch into my stomach. Frozen in time and space isn’t really as attractive and I pull him down onto his knees with me. “Yuu? Are you all right?”
I think seconds pass and minutes tick away? I don’t really know how much time has passed when he finally cracks a smile and slings his arms around me. The impact of his hug throws me off balance and we both stumble backwards until I land on my behind. I don’t dare to move even an inch and just hold Yuya in a very tight and desperate embrace. I can feel my shirt dampen and a tear trickle onto my neck and Yuya nuzzles in deeper. My hand reaches up to pat his head gently, and I suddenly feel a little afraid to speak.
“Mhm.” Yuya nods against me and whispers, “You know I'd marry you on the spot if we could.”