measurements (kyumin)
title: measurements
author: teexsaurus
pairing: kyumin
rating: pg
summary: sungmin struggles to describe and define his relationship with kyuhyun, and almost gives it all away.
a/n: comeback fic after god knows how long, thank you to thundersquall, catskilt and amaelamin_ for supporting me to write again~ and no, this is not the BF, guys.
warning: uh, un-beta'd?
Sungmin honestly cannot remember the last time they fought. Over the years, his relationship with Kyuhyun has had the calmness of a quiet lake with the backdrop of a warm and lazy afternoon. It has never been a journey of wild passion or fiery romance (of course, there were those nights) and whatnot, but simply an understanding between two people to exist together. What they shared certainly wasn’t boring, and Sungmin likes to think that they fit so well together because they know each other. Soul mates, maybe, but he shudders at the thought of that because it’s cheesy, but he knows they’re not far from that. They’ve always known when to be close to each other, and when to give each other space -there has never been clear cut rules or anything like that, but simply a mutual understanding that allowed them to function like…computer programs (Sungmin idly wonders what Kyuhyun would make of that comparison), but with a more romantic twist. Maybe like a soft stream that just flows, then he pouts at his cheesiness and stops.
.
Ideally, they should exist together forever. In reality, Kyuhyun’s mother sees Sungmin as her other son (but not quite), and confides in him one day, when she comes to visit Kyuhyun who is late from his schedule, that she cannot wait for the day her son is done with all the celebrity nonsense and settles down with a decent girl to start a family. The glimmer in her eyes as she speaks of the future, so full of hope, ironically drives itself into Sungmin’s heart like a shiny glass splinter, because the future Mrs. Cho envisions for Kyuhyun does not include him. Still, he composes himself and puts on his best smile (the one that looks so warm and melts everyone’s heart) as he squeezes Mrs. Cho’s hand with obligatory assurance, ‘I’m sure Kyuhyun thinks the same way.’ She smiles genuinely in return, and Sungmin despises himself a little for being such a terrible liar.
Kyuhyun returns just in time to such a heartwarming scene -his mother is gently patting his boyfriend’s (though she doesn’t know) hand, smiling. When he looks at Sungmin though, the heartwarming scene disintegrates because he sees that smile on Sungmin’s face and he knows the superficiality of it and feels the strain behind it. Sungmin considerately excuses himself from the room, leaving the two to spend time together.
He almost wants to run out of the room to escape from the suffocating reality that confronts him, but he manages a smile at Kyuhyun before closing the door behind him. Shit, he mentally curses at himself for smiling at Kyuhyun, because he knows how pathetic that smile must have been and Kyuhyun must already know that something is up. Sungmin makes himself a cup of tea and sits in the kitchen stirring his tea absentmindedly as he thinks of the life he’s shared with Kyuhyun, and their future.
He adores Mrs. Cho, and knows that she truly cares for him as her son’s best friend (or so she thinks), and Sungmin cannot imagine how it’ll break her heart to find out that he might (he knows he is) be the reason she will never have a daughter-in-law, much less a grandchild.
Sungmin has always been a considerate person, constantly compromising to make life easier for people around him, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not selfish. He wants to be selfish with Kyuhyun. He wants to tell the world that Kyuhyun is his, and everyone else should back off. He wants to be possessive. But above all, he doesn’t want to make Kyuhyun’s life difficult. Sungmin thinks that he has to let go of Kyuhyun (the love of my life, he sighs in an almost self-deprecating manner) if that means a life of ease and peace for him. Sometimes, when you love a person enough and try to do everything within your ability to make their life easy, you tend to overlook their feelings and forget to consider what they actually want.
Warm arms wrap around his shoulder, and he rests his head against the body behind, beautiful bow-shaped lips curving into a soft smile unknowingly. Sungmin knows he will miss this when he let’s go (if he let’s go), and he can almost feel the sudden rage burning in his chest by just imagining another person being where he is right now. He stares cold and hard at a spot on the table in front of him and clenches his fist, and there’s a tight grip around his heart. The inundating emotions of what he physically feels and the emotions derived from wandering thoughts suffocate him a little and he silently fights back stubborn tears. He feels restless, because he’s caught between being selfish for this, for love, and letting go and burying these feelings so that everyone else other than the both of them won’t be hurt. It’s not as if it’s the first time he thinks of this, but it’s never been something he really wanted to figure out because he has always been afraid that the resolution isn’t something he actually wants. Kyuhyun, Sungmin thinks as he squeezes his eyes shut at the sudden prickling feeling behind his eyelids, is all he really wants.
“Sungmin, I-”
Sungmin cuts Kyuhyun off as he reaches to hold Kyuhyun’s hand with his own, and struggles to control his voice, “Kyuhyun-ah, I think our time is up.” The quiver at the end of the sentence betrays his concealed emotions. He tries to be the bad guy, he tries to keep his cool and he tries to be nonchalant about it, as if he’s planned for this day to come a long time ago. But his other hand that isn’t holding Kyuhyun is gripping at his own thigh so hard that he’s sure there will be bruises, though he thinks he more than deserves it because he knows he’s probably hurt Kyuhyun even more.
Kyuhyun is still for a moment before he pulls his hand out of Sungmin’s and takes a step back, biting out the words and equally concealing his feelings as he tries to sound as normal as possible, as if they’re having a squabble over what movie to watch, “I don’t buy it.”
The carefully pitched tone of Kyuhyun’s voice hammers into Sungmin’s heart and there’s a painful strain in his words, “Kyuhyun, you know what your mother said to me.” Kyuhyun doesn’t reply, because it’s true that he knows, but it doesn’t mean that he’s about to agree or comply.
“We can’t hurt her, Kyuhyun. We can’t hurt everybody because of us.”
There’s a long pause, and Sungmin’s about to abandon all considerations and hesitations, because he’s already feeling so fucking guilty and even he cringes and feels disgusted by what he’s just said. He feels like the most terrible person alive, because he’s the reason for all the painful emotions Kyuhyun is feeling, and he’s the one so ready to abandon, yes, abandon, Kyuhyun for all sorts of reasons. He wants to apologize but he doesn’t have a clue how to go about mending a heart he’s just broken.
Kyuhyun solves the problem for him, sort of, when he breaks the silence. His voice is low, not the usual smooth as honey voice that whispers words capable of making Sungmin blush, but a low and soft voice laced with hurt and accusation. “What about me, hyung?” It’s almost a whisper but Sungmin catches those words before they fade to silence and every word is punctuated with so much raw emotion that he feels some sort of wrenching physical pain.
Suddenly, it hits Sungmin so hard that underlying all the supposed sacrifice he’s making to prevent them from hurting their parents and everyone else, is the most selfish decision he’s made, because he’s never given Kyuhyun a chance to talk, to try to make things work; he’s forgotten that he’s not sacrificing alone, but he’s also forcing Kyuhyun to give up.
Kyuhyun lets out a tired sigh at the silence that envelops them and makes a move to leave. Sungmin realizes this and this sudden fear strikes him and he almost suspects that he’s about to have panic attack, because Kyuhyun is leaving, because Kyuhyun is giving up. His body moves quicker than his thoughts, and he’s already half running into Kyuhyun with the force and desperation of his actions as he hugs the other man tightly from behind.
He feels Kyuhyun stiffen in his arms and he shakes his head as he bites his lip and quietly cries. He’s not quite sure what he’s crying for, but he knows he’s been so ridiculously stupid for almost losing this. The person he’s holding onto, and what that person is holding onto. Them.
He’s sorry for everything he’s said that he doesn’t mean, but he doesn’t know what to say so he decides to just hold onto Kyuhyun and let his tears seep through the thin fabric of Kyuhyun’s shirt. Kyuhyun feels the warm tears on his skin, and he cuts all pretense of wanting to leave. He gently manoeuvres them into a different position such that he has one hand cradling Sungmin to the curve of his neck, and the other rubbing soothing strokes gently down his back. Kyuhyun will readily admit that he knew this would happen the moment he walked into the kitchen and saw Sungmin like that. He knows Sungmin too well, so he knows that only by going through this once with Sungmin, can they overcome this obstacle once and for all.
Kyuhyun presses soft kisses to the top of Sungmin’s head and feels him clutch at his shirt tighter. He sighs, affectionately, and gently tilts Sungmin’s head upwards and looks him in the eye. “Why are you crying when you’re the one breaking my heart, hmm?” His voice is warm, gentle and tear-inducing. Kyuhyun chuckles as he wipes away the tears that keep falling from those almond-shaped eyes with the pad of his thumb, leaning in to kiss the corners.
Sungmin sniffles a little before he looks down, his toes are overlapping Kyuhyun’s and he wriggles them childishly, promptly drawing laughter from his boyfriend. Kyuhyun locks his arms firmly around Sungmin’s waist, and smiles contentedly when he hears a slightly muffled “I love you, Kyu…so much.” He lets a tear slip, but if anyone asks, that did not happen.
“Love you too, always.”
The afternoon sun shines in through the kitchen window, and casts a soft glow on the both of them. It’s warm, and calm.
.
Sungmin carefully turns in Kyuhyun’s arms before rolling to the side and propping himself up on his elbows. The curtains are drawn tightly, but the small night lamp on the floor, which Kyuhyun has insisted on turning on ever since Sungmin once tripped on his way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, illuminates the room just enough for Sungmin to study Kyuhyun’s face. Sungmin reaches out and maps Kyuhyun’s features with soft touches, finally bending down to press his lips to Kyuhyun’s cheek. When he’s done, he gently rolls back into position, and snuggles up next to Kyuhyun. As he drifts into sleep, he wonders how their bodies fit so comfortably next to each other, how it feels so right…how it feels just right.
Just right. Never too little, not too much, but just right.
author: teexsaurus
pairing: kyumin
rating: pg
summary: sungmin struggles to describe and define his relationship with kyuhyun, and almost gives it all away.
a/n: comeback fic after god knows how long, thank you to thundersquall, catskilt and amaelamin_ for supporting me to write again~ and no, this is not the BF, guys.
warning: uh, un-beta'd?
Sungmin honestly cannot remember the last time they fought. Over the years, his relationship with Kyuhyun has had the calmness of a quiet lake with the backdrop of a warm and lazy afternoon. It has never been a journey of wild passion or fiery romance (of course, there were those nights) and whatnot, but simply an understanding between two people to exist together. What they shared certainly wasn’t boring, and Sungmin likes to think that they fit so well together because they know each other. Soul mates, maybe, but he shudders at the thought of that because it’s cheesy, but he knows they’re not far from that. They’ve always known when to be close to each other, and when to give each other space -there has never been clear cut rules or anything like that, but simply a mutual understanding that allowed them to function like…computer programs (Sungmin idly wonders what Kyuhyun would make of that comparison), but with a more romantic twist. Maybe like a soft stream that just flows, then he pouts at his cheesiness and stops.
.
Ideally, they should exist together forever. In reality, Kyuhyun’s mother sees Sungmin as her other son (but not quite), and confides in him one day, when she comes to visit Kyuhyun who is late from his schedule, that she cannot wait for the day her son is done with all the celebrity nonsense and settles down with a decent girl to start a family. The glimmer in her eyes as she speaks of the future, so full of hope, ironically drives itself into Sungmin’s heart like a shiny glass splinter, because the future Mrs. Cho envisions for Kyuhyun does not include him. Still, he composes himself and puts on his best smile (the one that looks so warm and melts everyone’s heart) as he squeezes Mrs. Cho’s hand with obligatory assurance, ‘I’m sure Kyuhyun thinks the same way.’ She smiles genuinely in return, and Sungmin despises himself a little for being such a terrible liar.
Kyuhyun returns just in time to such a heartwarming scene -his mother is gently patting his boyfriend’s (though she doesn’t know) hand, smiling. When he looks at Sungmin though, the heartwarming scene disintegrates because he sees that smile on Sungmin’s face and he knows the superficiality of it and feels the strain behind it. Sungmin considerately excuses himself from the room, leaving the two to spend time together.
He almost wants to run out of the room to escape from the suffocating reality that confronts him, but he manages a smile at Kyuhyun before closing the door behind him. Shit, he mentally curses at himself for smiling at Kyuhyun, because he knows how pathetic that smile must have been and Kyuhyun must already know that something is up. Sungmin makes himself a cup of tea and sits in the kitchen stirring his tea absentmindedly as he thinks of the life he’s shared with Kyuhyun, and their future.
He adores Mrs. Cho, and knows that she truly cares for him as her son’s best friend (or so she thinks), and Sungmin cannot imagine how it’ll break her heart to find out that he might (he knows he is) be the reason she will never have a daughter-in-law, much less a grandchild.
Sungmin has always been a considerate person, constantly compromising to make life easier for people around him, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not selfish. He wants to be selfish with Kyuhyun. He wants to tell the world that Kyuhyun is his, and everyone else should back off. He wants to be possessive. But above all, he doesn’t want to make Kyuhyun’s life difficult. Sungmin thinks that he has to let go of Kyuhyun (the love of my life, he sighs in an almost self-deprecating manner) if that means a life of ease and peace for him. Sometimes, when you love a person enough and try to do everything within your ability to make their life easy, you tend to overlook their feelings and forget to consider what they actually want.
Warm arms wrap around his shoulder, and he rests his head against the body behind, beautiful bow-shaped lips curving into a soft smile unknowingly. Sungmin knows he will miss this when he let’s go (if he let’s go), and he can almost feel the sudden rage burning in his chest by just imagining another person being where he is right now. He stares cold and hard at a spot on the table in front of him and clenches his fist, and there’s a tight grip around his heart. The inundating emotions of what he physically feels and the emotions derived from wandering thoughts suffocate him a little and he silently fights back stubborn tears. He feels restless, because he’s caught between being selfish for this, for love, and letting go and burying these feelings so that everyone else other than the both of them won’t be hurt. It’s not as if it’s the first time he thinks of this, but it’s never been something he really wanted to figure out because he has always been afraid that the resolution isn’t something he actually wants. Kyuhyun, Sungmin thinks as he squeezes his eyes shut at the sudden prickling feeling behind his eyelids, is all he really wants.
“Sungmin, I-”
Sungmin cuts Kyuhyun off as he reaches to hold Kyuhyun’s hand with his own, and struggles to control his voice, “Kyuhyun-ah, I think our time is up.” The quiver at the end of the sentence betrays his concealed emotions. He tries to be the bad guy, he tries to keep his cool and he tries to be nonchalant about it, as if he’s planned for this day to come a long time ago. But his other hand that isn’t holding Kyuhyun is gripping at his own thigh so hard that he’s sure there will be bruises, though he thinks he more than deserves it because he knows he’s probably hurt Kyuhyun even more.
Kyuhyun is still for a moment before he pulls his hand out of Sungmin’s and takes a step back, biting out the words and equally concealing his feelings as he tries to sound as normal as possible, as if they’re having a squabble over what movie to watch, “I don’t buy it.”
The carefully pitched tone of Kyuhyun’s voice hammers into Sungmin’s heart and there’s a painful strain in his words, “Kyuhyun, you know what your mother said to me.” Kyuhyun doesn’t reply, because it’s true that he knows, but it doesn’t mean that he’s about to agree or comply.
“We can’t hurt her, Kyuhyun. We can’t hurt everybody because of us.”
There’s a long pause, and Sungmin’s about to abandon all considerations and hesitations, because he’s already feeling so fucking guilty and even he cringes and feels disgusted by what he’s just said. He feels like the most terrible person alive, because he’s the reason for all the painful emotions Kyuhyun is feeling, and he’s the one so ready to abandon, yes, abandon, Kyuhyun for all sorts of reasons. He wants to apologize but he doesn’t have a clue how to go about mending a heart he’s just broken.
Kyuhyun solves the problem for him, sort of, when he breaks the silence. His voice is low, not the usual smooth as honey voice that whispers words capable of making Sungmin blush, but a low and soft voice laced with hurt and accusation. “What about me, hyung?” It’s almost a whisper but Sungmin catches those words before they fade to silence and every word is punctuated with so much raw emotion that he feels some sort of wrenching physical pain.
Suddenly, it hits Sungmin so hard that underlying all the supposed sacrifice he’s making to prevent them from hurting their parents and everyone else, is the most selfish decision he’s made, because he’s never given Kyuhyun a chance to talk, to try to make things work; he’s forgotten that he’s not sacrificing alone, but he’s also forcing Kyuhyun to give up.
Kyuhyun lets out a tired sigh at the silence that envelops them and makes a move to leave. Sungmin realizes this and this sudden fear strikes him and he almost suspects that he’s about to have panic attack, because Kyuhyun is leaving, because Kyuhyun is giving up. His body moves quicker than his thoughts, and he’s already half running into Kyuhyun with the force and desperation of his actions as he hugs the other man tightly from behind.
He feels Kyuhyun stiffen in his arms and he shakes his head as he bites his lip and quietly cries. He’s not quite sure what he’s crying for, but he knows he’s been so ridiculously stupid for almost losing this. The person he’s holding onto, and what that person is holding onto. Them.
He’s sorry for everything he’s said that he doesn’t mean, but he doesn’t know what to say so he decides to just hold onto Kyuhyun and let his tears seep through the thin fabric of Kyuhyun’s shirt. Kyuhyun feels the warm tears on his skin, and he cuts all pretense of wanting to leave. He gently manoeuvres them into a different position such that he has one hand cradling Sungmin to the curve of his neck, and the other rubbing soothing strokes gently down his back. Kyuhyun will readily admit that he knew this would happen the moment he walked into the kitchen and saw Sungmin like that. He knows Sungmin too well, so he knows that only by going through this once with Sungmin, can they overcome this obstacle once and for all.
Kyuhyun presses soft kisses to the top of Sungmin’s head and feels him clutch at his shirt tighter. He sighs, affectionately, and gently tilts Sungmin’s head upwards and looks him in the eye. “Why are you crying when you’re the one breaking my heart, hmm?” His voice is warm, gentle and tear-inducing. Kyuhyun chuckles as he wipes away the tears that keep falling from those almond-shaped eyes with the pad of his thumb, leaning in to kiss the corners.
Sungmin sniffles a little before he looks down, his toes are overlapping Kyuhyun’s and he wriggles them childishly, promptly drawing laughter from his boyfriend. Kyuhyun locks his arms firmly around Sungmin’s waist, and smiles contentedly when he hears a slightly muffled “I love you, Kyu…so much.” He lets a tear slip, but if anyone asks, that did not happen.
“Love you too, always.”
The afternoon sun shines in through the kitchen window, and casts a soft glow on the both of them. It’s warm, and calm.
.
Sungmin carefully turns in Kyuhyun’s arms before rolling to the side and propping himself up on his elbows. The curtains are drawn tightly, but the small night lamp on the floor, which Kyuhyun has insisted on turning on ever since Sungmin once tripped on his way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, illuminates the room just enough for Sungmin to study Kyuhyun’s face. Sungmin reaches out and maps Kyuhyun’s features with soft touches, finally bending down to press his lips to Kyuhyun’s cheek. When he’s done, he gently rolls back into position, and snuggles up next to Kyuhyun. As he drifts into sleep, he wonders how their bodies fit so comfortably next to each other, how it feels so right…how it feels just right.
Just right. Never too little, not too much, but just right.