(no subject)
i haven't been on here for awhile, because i've been swept away in a tide of who knows what. but i have exactly 8 minutes between now and when i have to leave for section, and i want to say this.
it seems they were right, even back in the day. once you're in research, you're not allowed to leave. i left. i ignored the stupid rule, and was quite happy with myself for the past - ha, it was only a year and a half. i left because i didn't know enough, and i was tired of not knowing things i should easily know. and now i go to the advisors who tell me i don't have enough research to do what i want. or actually, they didn't put it that way, but i don't really care how they put it, that is what they meant. and you know what, i don't regret it. i don't know what i'm going to do if i don't get into graduate school, but i don't regret spending time in china and trying something new. because if i do, and i conform myself to their every expectations, i'm going to end up miserable. i don't care if i could have put on the appearance of working in labs; that would have been dumb anyways.
maybe i'm just not goal-oriented enough. whatever that means.
it seems they were right, even back in the day. once you're in research, you're not allowed to leave. i left. i ignored the stupid rule, and was quite happy with myself for the past - ha, it was only a year and a half. i left because i didn't know enough, and i was tired of not knowing things i should easily know. and now i go to the advisors who tell me i don't have enough research to do what i want. or actually, they didn't put it that way, but i don't really care how they put it, that is what they meant. and you know what, i don't regret it. i don't know what i'm going to do if i don't get into graduate school, but i don't regret spending time in china and trying something new. because if i do, and i conform myself to their every expectations, i'm going to end up miserable. i don't care if i could have put on the appearance of working in labs; that would have been dumb anyways.
maybe i'm just not goal-oriented enough. whatever that means.