WE'RE SENIORS NOW! not really.
if it's not broken, DON'T FIX IT!
Q.E.D.
anyway, incredibly short rant aside, please enjoy this thing i wrote:
CREATE YOUR VERY OWN HORROR MOVIE
i have noticed the sad, sad lack of creativity going on in film making nowadays. i'm not talking about those award winners like Toy Story 3 (SOB) or The Reader because those are THE WIN, i'm talking about those lazy b-movies that are made just for the money. and not for, like, yuknooow, teh artz.
ONE GENRE SUFFERING IRREVERSIBLY FROM THIS IS THE SAD, ABUSED HORROR GENRE. it had a lot going for it back then. Psycho, Dracula, The Shining, The Exorcist (shudder) but now look at it. all we have now's cheap Asian movie remakes and gore-hungry non-scarers and, uh, the Scary Movie series. and i figured, if it's so easy to make a scary horror movie, WHY DON'T I TEACH EVERYONE HOW?!
so despite my complete lack of any experience of moviemaking, i present to you a timekiller and stressreliever i have entitled:
HOW TO MAKE YOUR VERY OWN HORROR MOVIE.
1. THE TITLE
Find some ordinary object around the house.
The Door
The Chair
The Washing Machine
Whatever that object is, IT IS NOW THE TITLE OF YOUR MOVIE! it also helps with the plot as well. it is now officially possessed by the ghost of a serial killer/abused child/sad Japanese woman.
for your poster, just get that object and slap a dark grungy gradient and stupid cheap font on top.
2. THE CHARACTERS,
you have 3 choices for your cast. yes, only THREE CHOICES.
A. a group of hot young teenagers. odd one out is an innocent young girl/hot young guy with morals
B. a hot not-yet-married couple having problems
C. a hot young single mom with her adorable naive child (does not need to be hot)
these characters will YAY MOVE INTO A NEW HOUSE! either to enjoy spring break, fix their relationship or because the mom just broke up with the dad. either way they will all slowly realize in horror that a CERTAIN HOUSE OBJECT IS POSSESSED BY THE GHOST OF A SERIAL KILLER/ABUSED CHILD/SAD JAPANESE WOMAN! D: D: D:
3. THE STORYLINE.
a. if they are a hot young group of teenagers, they will all take showers or swim or make out in one of the many lavishly decorated bedrooms of the new house (except for innocent young Odd One Out). they will slowly be eliminated by order of sluttiness (first to show her chest/his abs is first to dieeee) until brave Odd One Out battles the spirit possessing the door/chair/washing machine. when the fight is over, the Odd One Out stumbles out of the house, inexplicably very dirty and sort of sobbing. but still hot.
b. if they are a hot not-yet-married couple, they will spend long moments in the bathroom staring at their sad hot faces. they will turn their heads or bow them to wash their faces and OHNOES there will be a flash of some sorta ghost, idk what. anyway, there will be a part they will sort-of make up and uh, do it but they will continue hearing horrible sounds coming from the door/chair/washing machine. anyway horror ensues and one of the couple will most definitely die (probably the guy because everyone likes the girl character better) and sobbing and clutching a knife she will yell "THIS IS FOR (NAME OF HOT BOYFRIEND)!!!!" and stab the door/chair/washing machine.
c. if it is a hot young single mom with her adorable child, she will meet her hot neighbor of the opposite sex who will say "you're the first to move there in AGES!!!! the last owners DIED!!!" but this will not faze her because, uh, her neighbor is hot. also she will kiss the forehead of her kid a lot. idk why but i always see that. anyway there will be a part where the hot mom does it with the hot neighbor while her adorable child is exploring the house. the ghost of the serial killer/abused child/sad Japanese woman will start calling out to him to guide him to some kind of death. but in the middle of their, uuuhm, beautiful music, the mom's Spidey Sense starts beeping and she will pull her head up, gasp and say, "(name of child). WHERE'S (NAME OF CHILD)?!?!?!!?" and leap out of bed and pull on her clothes and somehow the hot neighbor is magically also concerned about the adorable child. anyway he's probably going to die later and after the epic battle with the door/chair/washing machine the sobbing mom will carry her adorable child out of the house and drive away.
THE END! ...OR IS IT
i'm so sorry you had to endure that. then again, what have YOU been doing all day?
and don't worry i did all my homework lol.
-ninaaaaa
Q.E.D.
anyway, incredibly short rant aside, please enjoy this thing i wrote:
CREATE YOUR VERY OWN HORROR MOVIE
i have noticed the sad, sad lack of creativity going on in film making nowadays. i'm not talking about those award winners like Toy Story 3 (SOB) or The Reader because those are THE WIN, i'm talking about those lazy b-movies that are made just for the money. and not for, like, yuknooow, teh artz.
ONE GENRE SUFFERING IRREVERSIBLY FROM THIS IS THE SAD, ABUSED HORROR GENRE. it had a lot going for it back then. Psycho, Dracula, The Shining, The Exorcist (shudder) but now look at it. all we have now's cheap Asian movie remakes and gore-hungry non-scarers and, uh, the Scary Movie series. and i figured, if it's so easy to make a scary horror movie, WHY DON'T I TEACH EVERYONE HOW?!
so despite my complete lack of any experience of moviemaking, i present to you a timekiller and stressreliever i have entitled:
HOW TO MAKE YOUR VERY OWN HORROR MOVIE.
1. THE TITLE
Find some ordinary object around the house.
The Door
The Chair
The Washing Machine
Whatever that object is, IT IS NOW THE TITLE OF YOUR MOVIE! it also helps with the plot as well. it is now officially possessed by the ghost of a serial killer/abused child/sad Japanese woman.
for your poster, just get that object and slap a dark grungy gradient and stupid cheap font on top.
2. THE CHARACTERS,
you have 3 choices for your cast. yes, only THREE CHOICES.
A. a group of hot young teenagers. odd one out is an innocent young girl/hot young guy with morals
B. a hot not-yet-married couple having problems
C. a hot young single mom with her adorable naive child (does not need to be hot)
these characters will YAY MOVE INTO A NEW HOUSE! either to enjoy spring break, fix their relationship or because the mom just broke up with the dad. either way they will all slowly realize in horror that a CERTAIN HOUSE OBJECT IS POSSESSED BY THE GHOST OF A SERIAL KILLER/ABUSED CHILD/SAD JAPANESE WOMAN! D: D: D:
3. THE STORYLINE.
a. if they are a hot young group of teenagers, they will all take showers or swim or make out in one of the many lavishly decorated bedrooms of the new house (except for innocent young Odd One Out). they will slowly be eliminated by order of sluttiness (first to show her chest/his abs is first to dieeee) until brave Odd One Out battles the spirit possessing the door/chair/washing machine. when the fight is over, the Odd One Out stumbles out of the house, inexplicably very dirty and sort of sobbing. but still hot.
b. if they are a hot not-yet-married couple, they will spend long moments in the bathroom staring at their sad hot faces. they will turn their heads or bow them to wash their faces and OHNOES there will be a flash of some sorta ghost, idk what. anyway, there will be a part they will sort-of make up and uh, do it but they will continue hearing horrible sounds coming from the door/chair/washing machine. anyway horror ensues and one of the couple will most definitely die (probably the guy because everyone likes the girl character better) and sobbing and clutching a knife she will yell "THIS IS FOR (NAME OF HOT BOYFRIEND)!!!!" and stab the door/chair/washing machine.
c. if it is a hot young single mom with her adorable child, she will meet her hot neighbor of the opposite sex who will say "you're the first to move there in AGES!!!! the last owners DIED!!!" but this will not faze her because, uh, her neighbor is hot. also she will kiss the forehead of her kid a lot. idk why but i always see that. anyway there will be a part where the hot mom does it with the hot neighbor while her adorable child is exploring the house. the ghost of the serial killer/abused child/sad Japanese woman will start calling out to him to guide him to some kind of death. but in the middle of their, uuuhm, beautiful music, the mom's Spidey Sense starts beeping and she will pull her head up, gasp and say, "(name of child). WHERE'S (NAME OF CHILD)?!?!?!!?" and leap out of bed and pull on her clothes and somehow the hot neighbor is magically also concerned about the adorable child. anyway he's probably going to die later and after the epic battle with the door/chair/washing machine the sobbing mom will carry her adorable child out of the house and drive away.
THE END! ...OR IS IT
i'm so sorry you had to endure that. then again, what have YOU been doing all day?
and don't worry i did all my homework lol.
-ninaaaaa