Life as she is lived good
I went to another club tonight. I didn't like it as much as the Goth club, because it was a little chilly and nobody danced. Still, it was deeply exciting just to go there, because it was at an old ballroom with a bad reputation for brawling college students. Nobody brawled tonight, either. We all just stood around in the semi-dark, listening to an overamplified band. I'm glad I went just to say I'd done it.
In real life, responsibilities are hurtling at me left and right, and I feel barely able to juggle them all. There are so many options, and so many things that demand my careful attention, that I'm like the donkey hesitating between two bales of hay. I'm trying to reassure myself that I'm level-headed and capable of taking care of all my efforts well. I don't quite believe myself.
Probably the biggest decisions have to do with college. I need to decide what courses to register for this summer/fall, and make sure that I've taken everything that I'll need to transfer. There's the big thing: transferring. I have to decide whether to apply to the local branch of the university, or a college two hours away. I really want to apply to Salem State, just because I want to live on the seacoast and I know I like Salem. Six months ago, I would have said, "No problem, that's the place to go." But now I'm seeing arguments against it.
The case for:
I like Salem. I want to live by the sea. I want to live by myself. Salem State looks like it has a pretty campus, and it has a good arts program and a good business school. No matter whether I decided to be a business major or stay with Liberal Arts, I think I could have a good time there. I'd really do some serious responsibility-gaining and growing up, if I had to take care of myself for a while. It'd build character. I'd get a car and be able to go home to visit my family and friends, or nip up to Boston to visit my other friends.
The case against:
I need to be independent, which means I need money, which means I need a job. I haven't even found a job in the non-college community after ten months' search, so it's going to be ten times harder finding a job in a new town while I'm trying to find my feet in a new school and settle into a new apartment by myself. Financial aid and scholarships could help, but they've taken their own sweet time to consider me for any of that. Face it, Teeny, if you enrolled in Salem State in January '09, you'd spend your meager school-job income on gas to drive back and forth to home every couple of weeks and beg your father for more money. Much better go to university here, live with your parents, save your money. There'll be plenty of time to live near the sea a few years from now.
In semi-related news, I've been reading the Cain Saga: Godchild manga. They're pretty good, even though I can tell I'm just coming in after volumes and volumes of backstory. In the first story I read, in one single story, there were a cursed household, a medium, a seance, a lightning storm, a dysfunctional family with a dead foreign first wife, a little boy who practices self-harm and collects butterflies, and a girl who goes mad and eats live sparrows. Clearly this is more Gothic than the Castle of Otranto and forty giant helmets. That's fine with me. Does anybody know the best place to start in the various Cain series?
I bring it up here, because I was paging quickly through the first volume and came upon a scene where one character is shrieking at another, "You will die ALONE and UNLOVED!", and for a minute there my eyes read it as "You will die ALONE and UNEMPLOYED!" Shows you where my head is at these days, all right^_^
In real life, responsibilities are hurtling at me left and right, and I feel barely able to juggle them all. There are so many options, and so many things that demand my careful attention, that I'm like the donkey hesitating between two bales of hay. I'm trying to reassure myself that I'm level-headed and capable of taking care of all my efforts well. I don't quite believe myself.
Probably the biggest decisions have to do with college. I need to decide what courses to register for this summer/fall, and make sure that I've taken everything that I'll need to transfer. There's the big thing: transferring. I have to decide whether to apply to the local branch of the university, or a college two hours away. I really want to apply to Salem State, just because I want to live on the seacoast and I know I like Salem. Six months ago, I would have said, "No problem, that's the place to go." But now I'm seeing arguments against it.
The case for:
I like Salem. I want to live by the sea. I want to live by myself. Salem State looks like it has a pretty campus, and it has a good arts program and a good business school. No matter whether I decided to be a business major or stay with Liberal Arts, I think I could have a good time there. I'd really do some serious responsibility-gaining and growing up, if I had to take care of myself for a while. It'd build character. I'd get a car and be able to go home to visit my family and friends, or nip up to Boston to visit my other friends.
The case against:
I need to be independent, which means I need money, which means I need a job. I haven't even found a job in the non-college community after ten months' search, so it's going to be ten times harder finding a job in a new town while I'm trying to find my feet in a new school and settle into a new apartment by myself. Financial aid and scholarships could help, but they've taken their own sweet time to consider me for any of that. Face it, Teeny, if you enrolled in Salem State in January '09, you'd spend your meager school-job income on gas to drive back and forth to home every couple of weeks and beg your father for more money. Much better go to university here, live with your parents, save your money. There'll be plenty of time to live near the sea a few years from now.
In semi-related news, I've been reading the Cain Saga: Godchild manga. They're pretty good, even though I can tell I'm just coming in after volumes and volumes of backstory. In the first story I read, in one single story, there were a cursed household, a medium, a seance, a lightning storm, a dysfunctional family with a dead foreign first wife, a little boy who practices self-harm and collects butterflies, and a girl who goes mad and eats live sparrows. Clearly this is more Gothic than the Castle of Otranto and forty giant helmets. That's fine with me. Does anybody know the best place to start in the various Cain series?
I bring it up here, because I was paging quickly through the first volume and came upon a scene where one character is shrieking at another, "You will die ALONE and UNLOVED!", and for a minute there my eyes read it as "You will die ALONE and UNEMPLOYED!" Shows you where my head is at these days, all right^_^