HAAIIII!
I have a new hobby. Today I went in to school for a meeting of the Anime Club, and it was brilliant. We just sat around and watched a few episodes of something called "The Peacemaker", which was pretty good. Definitely something I'll make sure and do every week. The rest of the crowd seem kind of nutty, but in a comfortable way. You know, I never check out anime and watch it by myself, because I wouldn't know where to start (okay, I've watched My Neighbor Totoro and the rest of the big famous movies by whatshisname, but that's about it), but this is the perfect way to get into it. And all my other hobbies are really demanding and creative and need a lot of effort. It's about time I found something where we all just sit around and act goofy and watch stuff.
There was a friendly girl sitting next to me, and we chatted for a while between episodes. She's a longtime club member and she does the same thing as me--she goes to Barnes & Noble and reads whole books of manga and then just puts them back on the shelf, unbought. Nice to know I'm not the only one. Did you go to Animecon? I said. No, she said, she has a baby and can't afford the time or expense. "How old is your baby?" "Nearly a year." "Caught up on your sleep yet?" "Nope. I got two hours last night."
Did you ever have one of those times when you couldn't say anything right? That's what happened to me. Just out of friendly curiosity, I proceeded to say every goddamned thing that she hears all the time and finds aggravating. Not that she said so; I could just tell, from the glazed expression on her face. It was awful. I couldn't find a way to stop myself. I just paved the road to hell with good intentions. I'd say, "Oh, my next-door neighbors just had a baby, I love kids," and she'd give me this old, old look with her pretty young eyes. Then I'd try to make it better, and say "It must be a huge lot of work. You must be really capable, I bet you can handle it really well," and she said quietly, "That's what everybody tells me..." It was a relief when they put the projector back on, I can tell you.
Apart from anything else, talking to her was like being hit with the Mallet of Perspective. This girl was barely eighteen. My jaw just about hit the floor when she told me--I'd assumed she was in her late twenties, not because she looks prematurely aged but because she has a tough air. She had to drop out of high school to have this kid, and now she's at community college trying to improve the quality of life for her and the kid. I'm twenty-six. And you know, I may gripe about how tough life is for me, how I can't find a job and this sucks and that sucks, but really? A lifetime where I'm not a teenage single mother trying to get through college and work AND bring up a kid by myself is a good lifetime.
Apropos of nothing much, it's amazing how little things can affect my mood. Yesterday was damp and muggy and periodically misting rain, and the air felt stale and used-up. I felt lousy. My head ached, my muscles ached, my stomach twinged and I felt lower than a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floor of silent seas. I loathed the world. I actually had a nap when I got home in the afternoon--and I never take a nap. I just needed to get away from everything. Then I went out to help my parents at a road race. While I was out there, the wind picked up like mad, and there was a battle of the elements in the sky. First the clouds raced away north, then they raced away south, and then it started to clear and I could see the red radio-tower lights on the mountain. (I like those lights. I remember seeing them when I was a kid, and they make me feel calm and reassured. When I was tiny, I'm pretty sure I went to sleep watching red radio tower lights blink on and off in the distance, while my mother rocked me and sang. They're like the Eye of Sauron, only friendly.) Well, my mood picked up instantly. The harder the wind blew, the better I felt, until I was feeling fantastic by the time we went home. Apparently high-pressure zones agree with me. I'm still feeling great, as irrationally happy as I was irrationally miserable yesterday. Proof? I've got to do the vacuuming later today, and even that doesn't get me down. ^_^ I wish high-pressure zones to all of you guys.
There was a friendly girl sitting next to me, and we chatted for a while between episodes. She's a longtime club member and she does the same thing as me--she goes to Barnes & Noble and reads whole books of manga and then just puts them back on the shelf, unbought. Nice to know I'm not the only one. Did you go to Animecon? I said. No, she said, she has a baby and can't afford the time or expense. "How old is your baby?" "Nearly a year." "Caught up on your sleep yet?" "Nope. I got two hours last night."
Did you ever have one of those times when you couldn't say anything right? That's what happened to me. Just out of friendly curiosity, I proceeded to say every goddamned thing that she hears all the time and finds aggravating. Not that she said so; I could just tell, from the glazed expression on her face. It was awful. I couldn't find a way to stop myself. I just paved the road to hell with good intentions. I'd say, "Oh, my next-door neighbors just had a baby, I love kids," and she'd give me this old, old look with her pretty young eyes. Then I'd try to make it better, and say "It must be a huge lot of work. You must be really capable, I bet you can handle it really well," and she said quietly, "That's what everybody tells me..." It was a relief when they put the projector back on, I can tell you.
Apart from anything else, talking to her was like being hit with the Mallet of Perspective. This girl was barely eighteen. My jaw just about hit the floor when she told me--I'd assumed she was in her late twenties, not because she looks prematurely aged but because she has a tough air. She had to drop out of high school to have this kid, and now she's at community college trying to improve the quality of life for her and the kid. I'm twenty-six. And you know, I may gripe about how tough life is for me, how I can't find a job and this sucks and that sucks, but really? A lifetime where I'm not a teenage single mother trying to get through college and work AND bring up a kid by myself is a good lifetime.
Apropos of nothing much, it's amazing how little things can affect my mood. Yesterday was damp and muggy and periodically misting rain, and the air felt stale and used-up. I felt lousy. My head ached, my muscles ached, my stomach twinged and I felt lower than a pair of ragged claws scuttling across the floor of silent seas. I loathed the world. I actually had a nap when I got home in the afternoon--and I never take a nap. I just needed to get away from everything. Then I went out to help my parents at a road race. While I was out there, the wind picked up like mad, and there was a battle of the elements in the sky. First the clouds raced away north, then they raced away south, and then it started to clear and I could see the red radio-tower lights on the mountain. (I like those lights. I remember seeing them when I was a kid, and they make me feel calm and reassured. When I was tiny, I'm pretty sure I went to sleep watching red radio tower lights blink on and off in the distance, while my mother rocked me and sang. They're like the Eye of Sauron, only friendly.) Well, my mood picked up instantly. The harder the wind blew, the better I felt, until I was feeling fantastic by the time we went home. Apparently high-pressure zones agree with me. I'm still feeling great, as irrationally happy as I was irrationally miserable yesterday. Proof? I've got to do the vacuuming later today, and even that doesn't get me down. ^_^ I wish high-pressure zones to all of you guys.