Song under construction: "Still On Patrol"
This has been at the back of my mind for weeks, since reading a Tumblr post that discusses the idea that US Navy subs which never return are still on patrol, not lost at sea. The resulting comment thread seemed to want to be a song. To top it all off, it's a Christmas song! I'm two months too late for this to be seasonally appropriate, but what the hell.
I'm looking for (a) more singable lines (b) a good refrain line (c) a tune. Suggestions are welcome.
It may be news to you --
I know it was to me --
No US Navy sub
Is ever lost at sea.
But every Christmas Eve
Dispatchers read the roll
Of officers and men
Still out there on patrol.
Down an unknown abyss
That never sees the light,
We crowd to our radio
On this December night,
Listening to the static,
Whalesong overhead,
And things below that groan
And only fear the dead.
A friendly voice calls out
Through the static and the noise,
"We think of you at home,
So Merry Christmas, boys."
We hug one another
And weep with joy to hear
The living still recall us
Year upon year.
Our mission isn't done,
And none of us can sleep.
Things still move down here
In the belly of the deep
The living couldn't face --
The living need not know.
While we are on patrol,
Deeper yet we'll go.
Note: I didn't notice till now that the first verse is in my voice -- "I know it was to me" -- and the other verses are in the voice of a crewman. I think I may leave that for now. It can be logicked away as the reminiscence of a ghostly submariner who didn't expect to spend his afterlife fighting abominations at the bottom of the Milwaukee Deep, and yet here he is.
I'm looking for (a) more singable lines (b) a good refrain line (c) a tune. Suggestions are welcome.
It may be news to you --
I know it was to me --
No US Navy sub
Is ever lost at sea.
But every Christmas Eve
Dispatchers read the roll
Of officers and men
Still out there on patrol.
Down an unknown abyss
That never sees the light,
We crowd to our radio
On this December night,
Listening to the static,
Whalesong overhead,
And things below that groan
And only fear the dead.
A friendly voice calls out
Through the static and the noise,
"We think of you at home,
So Merry Christmas, boys."
We hug one another
And weep with joy to hear
The living still recall us
Year upon year.
Our mission isn't done,
And none of us can sleep.
Things still move down here
In the belly of the deep
The living couldn't face --
The living need not know.
While we are on patrol,
Deeper yet we'll go.
Note: I didn't notice till now that the first verse is in my voice -- "I know it was to me" -- and the other verses are in the voice of a crewman. I think I may leave that for now. It can be logicked away as the reminiscence of a ghostly submariner who didn't expect to spend his afterlife fighting abominations at the bottom of the Milwaukee Deep, and yet here he is.