Whom have you loved to death, that you should be/ Here in such company?
Yes, I finished watching Penny Dreadful
It takes a lot of dedication for me to follow a series through an entire season-there’s always something else I should be doing with my eyes and ears, it seems, but this time I made the effort
Zelda and other friends who urged me to watch this show, you were 100% right and I love it
But I’m an emotional wreck don’t look at me
For now, I’m going to deny the new episodes’ existence, because that was a whole lot of sadness and crushed dreams and You Did What You Had To Do and oh honey, no, and everyone needs a break.
Instead I decree that the second season of Penny Dreadful shall take a hard left and be all romantic comedy, all the time. [NOTE: not actually spoilers.]
As Thus:
-Dorian makes a misguided attempt to prove to Vanessa how over her he is, by seducing all the lead characters he hasn’t had sex with yet.
-The Bride retains her original personality, and the first thing she does is slap Dr. Frankenstein so hard he makes a nerd-shaped hole in the wall.
-Vanessa and Caliban become friends and she gets him to shower and do his laundry and teaches him how to wing his eyeliner properly.
-Sir Malcolm Murray’s period-accurate homophobia starts to erode, in context with naked Dorian Gray on a tigerskin rug. Also Dorian turns out to actually be an ancient Greek kouros and they read the Iliad together.
-Ethan, Brona and Caliban all engage in door-slamming farce levels of sexual guilt and jealousy, which ends with Brona going, “Don’t fight! I’ll marry you both.”
-Caliban takes up vegetarianism and is smug about it while still occasionally killing people.
-Victor Frankenstein has shy makeout with Dorian as An Experiment, experiences pantsfeelings, also goes to a brothel to test his reactions For Science.
-Brothel features cameos from cute monster girls from Gothic lit, e.g. Rappacini’s Daughter, Geraldine from “Christabel,” Carmilla, but also ordinary human women because we need more ordinary humans on the show.
-Vanessa Ives takes friendly interest in the women, they decide she must be a female Sherlock Holmes and implore her help in catching this Jack the Ripper 2.0 or possibly a werewolf that’s on the loose. Consternation of Vanessa.
-Increasingly silly werewolf-containment methods by Vanessa and Co. include freezing entire werewolf in a block of ice, self-hypnosis, invasive brain surgery, dropping down mineshaft, sticking feet in wet cement. Werewolf always escapes anyway and goes on rampage, because that’s what werewolves do. Eventually our heroes develop a combination of magic and powerful drugs that mean the werewolf can now only transform from a human into a pug.
-And they all lived happily ever after.