This! Is! WHITBY!!!!!
Hey, everybody, I just attended a theatrical adaptation of Bram Stoker's Dracula at a local college. Are you jealous? Don't be. It was awful. It was the most hilariously bad production that I've ever walked out of at intermission. It was partly the fault of the adaptation, which was poorly conceived and poorly told. There's no need to futz with the chronological order of events, and this attempt didn't add much. Also, the rewriter added confusing and pointless elements from Disco Dracula the Frank Langella Dracula. I must now unburden myself of the experience through an impassioned LJ post.
You know the kind of thing where the script doesn't know whether it's being camp or serious-with-humorous-touches? This did that. At one point, we had Jonathan Harker suffering a mental breakdown and making a suicidal gesture (they stop him in time). At another point, we had a flashback to Jonathan's captivity in Castle Dracula, with Jonathan complaining that all his clothes were missing except the ones he had on, and the Count smirking and saying, "We'll find you a nice cloak." That's what I mean. It wasn't fish nor flesh nor good red herring.
Mostly, though, the actors were the problem. All but one of them were terrible, and they were terrible in exactly the same way. They--stumbled slightly, in, their speech AND accented... words rather oddlyand arrhythmically--as--if--they were un... com... fortable with longsentences and BIG words. Every single actor on the stage did that. I am at a loss to explain it. They were all native English speakers, and, anyway, this wasn't like the way you hesitate in speaking a new language. It was like the way the crazy guy on the bus mutters to himself, only aloud and on a stage. Dr. Seward was the first character I heard speak, and at first I thought he was intentionally playing the role to sound unstable and overwrought. But almost all the other players were like that, so I'm forced to conclude it wasn't an artistic choice. Or if it was, it only achieved the effect of sounding like the actors didn't know their lines.
In the case of Count Dracula, it was unintentionally hilarious. Draccy was played by a tall young man with wild black hair; he was very handsome and would have had a commanding presence if he'd known how. He even looked fabulous in a suit, a red-lined cloak and, in the Transylvanian scenes, an old-fashioned hat trimmed with fur. (joannesopercook , I think you would have gotten a kick out of that hat. It was one of the few good things about this show.) The downside was that Dracula did not know how to project. He bellowed out every word as though he were shouting it down a football field, because that was the only way he knew to be loud. Also he had based his characterization on Christopher Lee at his most hammy. Also, he had to say lines like this:
"You... are.. Lucy Wes-TEN-ra! Doctor SEWARD is--analyzingyourBLOOD! He. has. FOUND! that it is RICH and--healthful! I AGREE--withhis--ANALYSIS!"
At this point I was rolling around in my seat, helpless with laughter. It's a good thing I wound up sitting in the back row, and likewise that I can laugh silently. It was either that or die of second-hand embarrassment.
The one good performance was that of Renfield. It's hard to mess up Renfield, isn't it? He's such a fun role, like a male equivalent to Mad Margaret. The only real way you could go wrong is to be boring. You just need an actor who's willing to ham and doesn't mind getting a little dirty. In fact, this show had an excellent Renfield, fully willing to hop up and down bestially, scream and sob at the top of his lungs, sniff his fellow actors all over, and spit out feathers. He was great fun, but he wasn't enough to carry the production alone, so I sauntered quietly out at intermission and never came back.
Just as an antidote, here are some of my favorite scenes from Dracula: The Musical?! by Rick Abbot. (I hear there's another show out there by the same name. I can't vouch for the other one. This one is brilliant.)
Sophie: Mina's not in her room!
Sam: Her door is wide open!
Nelly: Her bed hasn't been slept in!
Boris (i.e., Renfield): And her galoshes are gone!
Sophie: She doesn't own any galoshes!
Boris: (shrugs) Well, I looked in her closet, and somebody's galoshes aren't there!
Sam: I must be cracking up. That almost makes sense.
Sophie: And what does it matter how many times she's been bitten?
Van Helsing: The first time makes her his slave... the second time renders her too weak to run away... and the third--
Others: Yes? ...Yes?
Van Helsing: The third assault upon Mina will turn her into the same dreaded thing that he himself must forever be!
Sophie: Hungarian?!
Van Helsing: (abruptly) Good grief! What are you ladies wearing?!
Sophie: Why--just long white nightgowns and long white peignoirs.
Van Helsing: Are you crazy?! Don't you know that when a monster carries a woman off in his arms, she is almost invariably wearing a long white trailing garment?
Women: (Out front, in a unified dreamy sigh.) Do we ever!
You know the kind of thing where the script doesn't know whether it's being camp or serious-with-humorous-touches? This did that. At one point, we had Jonathan Harker suffering a mental breakdown and making a suicidal gesture (they stop him in time). At another point, we had a flashback to Jonathan's captivity in Castle Dracula, with Jonathan complaining that all his clothes were missing except the ones he had on, and the Count smirking and saying, "We'll find you a nice cloak." That's what I mean. It wasn't fish nor flesh nor good red herring.
Mostly, though, the actors were the problem. All but one of them were terrible, and they were terrible in exactly the same way. They--stumbled slightly, in, their speech AND accented... words rather oddlyand arrhythmically--as--if--they were un... com... fortable with longsentences and BIG words. Every single actor on the stage did that. I am at a loss to explain it. They were all native English speakers, and, anyway, this wasn't like the way you hesitate in speaking a new language. It was like the way the crazy guy on the bus mutters to himself, only aloud and on a stage. Dr. Seward was the first character I heard speak, and at first I thought he was intentionally playing the role to sound unstable and overwrought. But almost all the other players were like that, so I'm forced to conclude it wasn't an artistic choice. Or if it was, it only achieved the effect of sounding like the actors didn't know their lines.
In the case of Count Dracula, it was unintentionally hilarious. Draccy was played by a tall young man with wild black hair; he was very handsome and would have had a commanding presence if he'd known how. He even looked fabulous in a suit, a red-lined cloak and, in the Transylvanian scenes, an old-fashioned hat trimmed with fur. (joannesopercook , I think you would have gotten a kick out of that hat. It was one of the few good things about this show.) The downside was that Dracula did not know how to project. He bellowed out every word as though he were shouting it down a football field, because that was the only way he knew to be loud. Also he had based his characterization on Christopher Lee at his most hammy. Also, he had to say lines like this:
"You... are.. Lucy Wes-TEN-ra! Doctor SEWARD is--analyzingyourBLOOD! He. has. FOUND! that it is RICH and--healthful! I AGREE--withhis--ANALYSIS!"
At this point I was rolling around in my seat, helpless with laughter. It's a good thing I wound up sitting in the back row, and likewise that I can laugh silently. It was either that or die of second-hand embarrassment.
The one good performance was that of Renfield. It's hard to mess up Renfield, isn't it? He's such a fun role, like a male equivalent to Mad Margaret. The only real way you could go wrong is to be boring. You just need an actor who's willing to ham and doesn't mind getting a little dirty. In fact, this show had an excellent Renfield, fully willing to hop up and down bestially, scream and sob at the top of his lungs, sniff his fellow actors all over, and spit out feathers. He was great fun, but he wasn't enough to carry the production alone, so I sauntered quietly out at intermission and never came back.
Just as an antidote, here are some of my favorite scenes from Dracula: The Musical?! by Rick Abbot. (I hear there's another show out there by the same name. I can't vouch for the other one. This one is brilliant.)
Sophie: Mina's not in her room!
Sam: Her door is wide open!
Nelly: Her bed hasn't been slept in!
Boris (i.e., Renfield): And her galoshes are gone!
Sophie: She doesn't own any galoshes!
Boris: (shrugs) Well, I looked in her closet, and somebody's galoshes aren't there!
Sam: I must be cracking up. That almost makes sense.
Sophie: And what does it matter how many times she's been bitten?
Van Helsing: The first time makes her his slave... the second time renders her too weak to run away... and the third--
Others: Yes? ...Yes?
Van Helsing: The third assault upon Mina will turn her into the same dreaded thing that he himself must forever be!
Sophie: Hungarian?!
Van Helsing: (abruptly) Good grief! What are you ladies wearing?!
Sophie: Why--just long white nightgowns and long white peignoirs.
Van Helsing: Are you crazy?! Don't you know that when a monster carries a woman off in his arms, she is almost invariably wearing a long white trailing garment?
Women: (Out front, in a unified dreamy sigh.) Do we ever!