Essay#1: Diary of a Teenage Mother
Hey! Due to the increasing demands for copies of some of my more or less entertaining english papers, I have decided to post them here. They will posted randomly, so if your waiting for one thats not up here, tell me so.
Anyways, this will be my first paper posting. The assignment was to write a 1.5 page discussing what society would think of you if you were a teenage mother. So to be original, I avoided the obvious choice of writing about my male self miraculously conceiving a child, and instead persued a Journal entry of Pregnant Teenage Girl.
Oh ya, I almost forgot: {{{DON'T OVERLOOK THE FOOTNOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!}}}
ESSAY #1: Diary of A Teenage Mother
Dear Diary,
This morning, I like, totally woke up in a pile of my own vomit. It was so gross! Then I went to school and everyone said I smelt like rotting Chinese food and ass. This totally sucks, like OMG[1]. I, like, totally hate being pregnant. Sometimes, I just want to, like, shove a coat hanger into my vagina and swirl the little shits brains out.
And everyone thinks I’m a little whore for being pregnant. But seriously, I mean like, come on, I’m 13 years old and it’s my hot body, I do what I want. Let’s get real people, everyone gets pregnant, I’m just getting a head start at the game, like a… person does stuff first, OMG.
Also, when I was walking upstairs to my SADD meeting, I cramped and fell down the stairs and landed on my baby. I don’t know if it can break, but if it could, that would, like, totally suck, LOL[2]!!!!! ROTFL[3]!! SIJROMDF[4]!! If my fetus died, that would be such a bummer! Like the time they cancel Buffy… That’s when I started cutting….
And then at lunch, I didn’t have enough money for my salad, so told a boy that if he gave me two dollars for lunch, I would take him out back and then I’d -----[UNACCEPTABLE]------- until he bled. So he did. J
Then after lunch, Carol told me her mom died.
So, like, basically school was a drag. After I got home, I watched TV. Then I stuck my finger down my throat and vomited up lunch. Then Chris came over and said I should get an abortion, and I said I couldn’t because I was already planning on having a miscarriage. Then Chris was all like, “I’m gonna leave you like your dad did,” and I was all like, “No you won’t, ya’ punk ass trick!” And then he left me.
So, like, I guess being pregnant totally sucks. But what-ev’, I’m pretty sure the damn things already dead. But if it’s not, I’ll drown it to death in cheap booze by Friday.
XOXOXOX, Seskin Fencil
[1] Oh my god
[2] Laugh out loud!
[3] Rolling on the floor laughing!
[4] Shit, I just rolled over my dead fetus!