Abandon Chapter 3
Title: Abandon
Chapter 3: Reality
Author: Moi
Warnings: PG 13. For references of an adult nature.
Disclaimer: Working on acquiring rights to Bleach through shady backdoor deals. But yeah, it's still Kubo sensei's for nowwww
The sky was graying outside the window when she awoke, the feeling of waking up in a man’s arms unfamiliar but not unwelcome. Slowly she shifted to face her lover, the slight movement making abused tissues sting. She made a mental note to never go that long without sex again. The sight of Shunsui in the morning was not something she had expected, not after last night. He was sprawled over the futon, snoring and drooling all over the pillow. Not a pleasant sight, but she couldn’t deny that it made her feel deliriously, dizzily happy.
She rolled onto her back, smiling as she stretched her arms out over her head. Last night had been…amazing. She had never felt so alive before, so free. She had also never had four rounds in a record time of 5 hours. It had been so different from how she had imagined it would be, and so much more. Sex had never been so meaningful before, never been so consequential. She allowed herself a selfish burst of joy at the realization that he loved her. Kyouraku Shunsui loved her. She leaned in close to him and brushed a light kiss on the curve of his shoulder, breathing in his scent.
Dawn was breaking, sending pale beams of warmth into the room when she softly climbed out of bed. her captain may be excused from lateness seeing as no one could make him break his habit of sleeping in, but someone had to make sure the division didn’t fall into chaos. She had barely completed that thought when the enormity of the situation hit her, jarring her teeth and jerking her out of the sleepy cloud of the early morning. The euphoria evaporated. She had just spent the night with her captain.
She had just had sex with her captain
Every time she repeated those words she felt cheaper, dirtier till she felt like scraping her skin off with her own fingernails.
How could she have done this? How could she have allowed something like this to happen let alone instigate it? Why didn’t Shunsui stop her! She had been out of her mind last night. How was she even supposed to face him after this? How were they supposed to work together and pretend nothing had happened? How had she allowed the most meaningful act of her life to become nothing more than a booty call?
She reeled from the weight of her actions. Part of her wanted to blame everything on him, that the few sips of sake that were supposed to fortify her had gotten her drunk, that she had been vulnerable and he had taken advantage of that. But she knew that it had been her call, that everything that had happened last night had happened because she wanted it to happen. She knew that she couldn’t cheapen what had happened, cheapen them both more than she already had.
She sighed heavily, pushing away the guilt, shame and anger burning through her veins. Ise Nanao was nothing if not practical. She could deal with this; she had committed to only one night after all. She had taken this step so damage control was her business now.
Shunsui…no, Kyouraku Taichou had agreed to one night. That was all she had asked for and that was all he had given. So what if she had said those three words, so what if she had gotten them back? Even if she ignored the consequences of getting involved with a colleague, Love meant nothing in this everlasting world. Love waned away, eroded with the endless tides of time, faded to nothing. She had seen Love, supposedly the most powerful thing in the world, morph into mundane obligation too many times to allow herself to fall into its golden trap. This was the best way; end it before love became a disappointment. One night was all they could have together. One night was all it would be. She wouldn’t let it be any more than that.
For both their sakes.
Chapter 3: Reality
Author: Moi
Warnings: PG 13. For references of an adult nature.
Disclaimer: Working on acquiring rights to Bleach through shady backdoor deals. But yeah, it's still Kubo sensei's for nowwww
The sky was graying outside the window when she awoke, the feeling of waking up in a man’s arms unfamiliar but not unwelcome. Slowly she shifted to face her lover, the slight movement making abused tissues sting. She made a mental note to never go that long without sex again. The sight of Shunsui in the morning was not something she had expected, not after last night. He was sprawled over the futon, snoring and drooling all over the pillow. Not a pleasant sight, but she couldn’t deny that it made her feel deliriously, dizzily happy.
She rolled onto her back, smiling as she stretched her arms out over her head. Last night had been…amazing. She had never felt so alive before, so free. She had also never had four rounds in a record time of 5 hours. It had been so different from how she had imagined it would be, and so much more. Sex had never been so meaningful before, never been so consequential. She allowed herself a selfish burst of joy at the realization that he loved her. Kyouraku Shunsui loved her. She leaned in close to him and brushed a light kiss on the curve of his shoulder, breathing in his scent.
Dawn was breaking, sending pale beams of warmth into the room when she softly climbed out of bed. her captain may be excused from lateness seeing as no one could make him break his habit of sleeping in, but someone had to make sure the division didn’t fall into chaos. She had barely completed that thought when the enormity of the situation hit her, jarring her teeth and jerking her out of the sleepy cloud of the early morning. The euphoria evaporated. She had just spent the night with her captain.
She had just had sex with her captain
Every time she repeated those words she felt cheaper, dirtier till she felt like scraping her skin off with her own fingernails.
How could she have done this? How could she have allowed something like this to happen let alone instigate it? Why didn’t Shunsui stop her! She had been out of her mind last night. How was she even supposed to face him after this? How were they supposed to work together and pretend nothing had happened? How had she allowed the most meaningful act of her life to become nothing more than a booty call?
She reeled from the weight of her actions. Part of her wanted to blame everything on him, that the few sips of sake that were supposed to fortify her had gotten her drunk, that she had been vulnerable and he had taken advantage of that. But she knew that it had been her call, that everything that had happened last night had happened because she wanted it to happen. She knew that she couldn’t cheapen what had happened, cheapen them both more than she already had.
She sighed heavily, pushing away the guilt, shame and anger burning through her veins. Ise Nanao was nothing if not practical. She could deal with this; she had committed to only one night after all. She had taken this step so damage control was her business now.
Shunsui…no, Kyouraku Taichou had agreed to one night. That was all she had asked for and that was all he had given. So what if she had said those three words, so what if she had gotten them back? Even if she ignored the consequences of getting involved with a colleague, Love meant nothing in this everlasting world. Love waned away, eroded with the endless tides of time, faded to nothing. She had seen Love, supposedly the most powerful thing in the world, morph into mundane obligation too many times to allow herself to fall into its golden trap. This was the best way; end it before love became a disappointment. One night was all they could have together. One night was all it would be. She wouldn’t let it be any more than that.
For both their sakes.