puppets
as much of the anger, the frustration, the hurt, and the pain i feel, i know i can never bring myself to say this out loud, especially to who i want to say it to. i'm not proud of what i feel, and i want it to go away, that i was never put into this situation in the first place, but you just won't stop. this was the only way that i could rant and release these emotions that are distracting me from everything at the moment. i know that doing this doesn't solve my problems or the situation i am in, but at least it made me feel a little bit better.
i know that you've wondered why no one sticks around, why everyone avoids you, and why you're alone. i know because i can tell that you yearn for company. but what i do also know is that you tend to push people away, and you purposely act in ways to destruct your relationships with others. whether you do it because it's what you really want, or you do it because you can't control yourself, i don't know. what i do know is that if you continue to act like this, you truly will be alone.
i also know that you know that everyone hates you, that they talk about you behind your back. it's no secret, the way you treat people. and you know what? i don't blame them.
you have this god complex. you think that you deserve the respect because of who you are, and the position you're in. you love to control. you love to demand. you don't like to be submissive. you don't even know what manners are. you don't know how to treat people with respect. most of all, you don't even know what it's like to be wrong. because in your mind, you never are. that's why you don't like to admit you've done something wrong, or even apologize. so, you yell at people for no reason. you tackle their confidence, and you shatter their hopes. you tear at their dignity. you throw accusations at them, just to see how much you can hurt them. you want to see them squirm. you want to watch them grow uncomfortable, their faces red, the tears threatening to come out of their eyes. you want to see the fear. it all fuels you, doesn't it? this is what gives you the power. it gives you control, knowing that you have this effect on people.
but, you want to know what i think? i think you're a coward. you think you can use words to hurt people, but i can see the fear in your eyes when i don't give you what you want when you try to control me, and make me into your puppet, whose strings you can pull the way you want. you see, you're not getting the respect because you don't deserve it. you don't treat others with the way you want yourself to be treated. understand it already! you can mope around as much as you want, you can bang objects around as hard as you'd like, and you can mumble all the cruel words you can think of, but it's not going to affect anybody. you think anyone cares what you think? you think that the world revolves around you? open your eyes! NOTHING is about you. we all have our problems to deal with. we could care less what you think.
and here you are, wondering why they would choose me over you. why they would talk to me and not you. why they talk to me in a respectful tone but turn cold the minute they face you. i encourage them; you undermine them. i stand by their side, no matter what. i always see the good sides of every situation. you don't do any of this. you always manage to twist their accomplishments into failures. you never care enough to ask them how their day's been, or what's bothering them. and you still wonder why they'd prefer to tell me their secrets instead of divulging them to you? you'd never put yourself out there for other people because you don't want to risk the sacrifice. you want all the positive benefits without having to endure the negatives. it's your way to get what you want, right?
if you want what you yearn, here's what you can learn from us:
-first of all, show some respect. if things don't happen the way you want it to, explain it to others. don't raise your voice every single time you don't like what you hear. also, learn to talk to others in a respectful tone. it doesn't hurt to say "please" and "thank you" every once in a while.
-stop running to others for help. i only know of one person who, so far, has done what you want, only because he can stand you. no one else has the patience or care to do so. if you've got problems you started that you need to deal with, deal with it yourself. learn to fix your own mistakes, not throwing it upon others.
-respect other people's privacy. if it's not yours, don't touch it. do not go nosing around other people's things just because you think you have a right to know. you don't. you don't need to know every detail of other people's problems, because sometimes they're not for you to know. there are some things that don't concern you, and quite frankly, just because you're digging around for it doesn't make you entitled to it. and don't take what is not yours. you don't deserve it. if you want it so badly, ask. it really doesn't hurt to tell others what you want, instead of stealing it. honestly, do the rules and laws only apply to everyone but you?
-be considerate of others. you don't always get what you want. just because you want to go somewhere or do something does not mean that others will drop what they already have planned just to take you there. don't expect us all to be chauffeurs who can drop everything at the last minute just to drive you around, because we're not. if you want to go somewhere and need a ride, mention it to others in advance, and ask for a ride. don't demand it. or better yet, learn to drive yourself. or take the bus. that's what i did for years before i got my license.
-learn to control your feelings. if you don't like others, keep it to yourself. you don't need to express it so openly. no one cares. the only time we do is when your obnoxious complaining disrupts our work.
i used to have so much patience, you know? but all this mental torture i've had to take without protest out of fear, all these years, one after the other...they'll never stop, will they? i've endured it all for so long; i bit my tongue every time you open your mouth to throw insults at me, and i've clenched my fists for so long. there's been so much i've wanted to say, and there's still more i wish to say, but for the sake of peace, i've kept my mouth shut. but i've had enough. i will not have you drive my life and control every aspect of it. i break myself from your chains and from your control. your words don't hurt me anymore, and as long as i keep telling myself that, i know that i'm winning, and you're not.
i am nothing like you. i will never be anything like you. i actually have friends, and i truly care about them, just as they do for me. i treat them with respect, and i know that i get their respect in turn, not because i think i deserve their respect, but because i know i deserve their respect. i don't blame others for my mistakes, because i know when to apologize when i've made a mistake. i ask for help when i need it, and i never take advantage of other people's situations. you know, sometimes i actually feel sorry for you. but then i remember all the cruel things that you've done to me and everyone around me, and all that pity goes out the window. but, i guess i still pity you some, because i know that's what makes me different from you.
i know that you've wondered why no one sticks around, why everyone avoids you, and why you're alone. i know because i can tell that you yearn for company. but what i do also know is that you tend to push people away, and you purposely act in ways to destruct your relationships with others. whether you do it because it's what you really want, or you do it because you can't control yourself, i don't know. what i do know is that if you continue to act like this, you truly will be alone.
i also know that you know that everyone hates you, that they talk about you behind your back. it's no secret, the way you treat people. and you know what? i don't blame them.
you have this god complex. you think that you deserve the respect because of who you are, and the position you're in. you love to control. you love to demand. you don't like to be submissive. you don't even know what manners are. you don't know how to treat people with respect. most of all, you don't even know what it's like to be wrong. because in your mind, you never are. that's why you don't like to admit you've done something wrong, or even apologize. so, you yell at people for no reason. you tackle their confidence, and you shatter their hopes. you tear at their dignity. you throw accusations at them, just to see how much you can hurt them. you want to see them squirm. you want to watch them grow uncomfortable, their faces red, the tears threatening to come out of their eyes. you want to see the fear. it all fuels you, doesn't it? this is what gives you the power. it gives you control, knowing that you have this effect on people.
but, you want to know what i think? i think you're a coward. you think you can use words to hurt people, but i can see the fear in your eyes when i don't give you what you want when you try to control me, and make me into your puppet, whose strings you can pull the way you want. you see, you're not getting the respect because you don't deserve it. you don't treat others with the way you want yourself to be treated. understand it already! you can mope around as much as you want, you can bang objects around as hard as you'd like, and you can mumble all the cruel words you can think of, but it's not going to affect anybody. you think anyone cares what you think? you think that the world revolves around you? open your eyes! NOTHING is about you. we all have our problems to deal with. we could care less what you think.
and here you are, wondering why they would choose me over you. why they would talk to me and not you. why they talk to me in a respectful tone but turn cold the minute they face you. i encourage them; you undermine them. i stand by their side, no matter what. i always see the good sides of every situation. you don't do any of this. you always manage to twist their accomplishments into failures. you never care enough to ask them how their day's been, or what's bothering them. and you still wonder why they'd prefer to tell me their secrets instead of divulging them to you? you'd never put yourself out there for other people because you don't want to risk the sacrifice. you want all the positive benefits without having to endure the negatives. it's your way to get what you want, right?
if you want what you yearn, here's what you can learn from us:
-first of all, show some respect. if things don't happen the way you want it to, explain it to others. don't raise your voice every single time you don't like what you hear. also, learn to talk to others in a respectful tone. it doesn't hurt to say "please" and "thank you" every once in a while.
-stop running to others for help. i only know of one person who, so far, has done what you want, only because he can stand you. no one else has the patience or care to do so. if you've got problems you started that you need to deal with, deal with it yourself. learn to fix your own mistakes, not throwing it upon others.
-respect other people's privacy. if it's not yours, don't touch it. do not go nosing around other people's things just because you think you have a right to know. you don't. you don't need to know every detail of other people's problems, because sometimes they're not for you to know. there are some things that don't concern you, and quite frankly, just because you're digging around for it doesn't make you entitled to it. and don't take what is not yours. you don't deserve it. if you want it so badly, ask. it really doesn't hurt to tell others what you want, instead of stealing it. honestly, do the rules and laws only apply to everyone but you?
-be considerate of others. you don't always get what you want. just because you want to go somewhere or do something does not mean that others will drop what they already have planned just to take you there. don't expect us all to be chauffeurs who can drop everything at the last minute just to drive you around, because we're not. if you want to go somewhere and need a ride, mention it to others in advance, and ask for a ride. don't demand it. or better yet, learn to drive yourself. or take the bus. that's what i did for years before i got my license.
-learn to control your feelings. if you don't like others, keep it to yourself. you don't need to express it so openly. no one cares. the only time we do is when your obnoxious complaining disrupts our work.
i used to have so much patience, you know? but all this mental torture i've had to take without protest out of fear, all these years, one after the other...they'll never stop, will they? i've endured it all for so long; i bit my tongue every time you open your mouth to throw insults at me, and i've clenched my fists for so long. there's been so much i've wanted to say, and there's still more i wish to say, but for the sake of peace, i've kept my mouth shut. but i've had enough. i will not have you drive my life and control every aspect of it. i break myself from your chains and from your control. your words don't hurt me anymore, and as long as i keep telling myself that, i know that i'm winning, and you're not.
i am nothing like you. i will never be anything like you. i actually have friends, and i truly care about them, just as they do for me. i treat them with respect, and i know that i get their respect in turn, not because i think i deserve their respect, but because i know i deserve their respect. i don't blame others for my mistakes, because i know when to apologize when i've made a mistake. i ask for help when i need it, and i never take advantage of other people's situations. you know, sometimes i actually feel sorry for you. but then i remember all the cruel things that you've done to me and everyone around me, and all that pity goes out the window. but, i guess i still pity you some, because i know that's what makes me different from you.