(no subject)
For the first time in six years I never made a summer update, but I think that's because this year I realized that the lessons learned have progressively been taking place inconsistently for much longer than a single season.
I realized recently that I was dead wrong on how I thought I could handle life-changing moments. When I lost one of the only two perfect people I knew this summer, I realized that for my own sanity I would not be around much to grieve and dwell on the inevidible. And so, when he passed, I was selfishly doing things to keep me busy: eating lunch on sunset, getting coffee on Melrose, shopping at Kitson and taking in the views from Muholland Drive...all of my favorite things. Only two and half months later to realize that I never dealt with anything. Every new attempt I made at dealing with anything was merely an obstacle to avoid and ignore what was happening.
So now, subsequently, I have royally screwed myself over. Because now, at a time where it does not make sense to be dealing with something that happened two and a half months ago....my head is a mess and I can feel it in my body and I cannot seem to avoid the constant reminders from my brain telling me the obvious.
On another note it's very strange having the same instances occur in your life literally one year apart. It is kind of a smack in the face to all of the changes you have made in between.
Instead of reminicing about my childhood and analzying every moment from Thursday night, first and foremost I was just happy to be with Kelly. I was happy to invest time in one of my best friends and realize that she will always be just that.
Last weekend was a lot of fun, despite the fact that I slammed my face into a fitting room door and was gushing blood in the Tallahassee mall...it was comforting to be in a place without feeling awkward.
BEN KWELLER at the Social so very soon!
I realized recently that I was dead wrong on how I thought I could handle life-changing moments. When I lost one of the only two perfect people I knew this summer, I realized that for my own sanity I would not be around much to grieve and dwell on the inevidible. And so, when he passed, I was selfishly doing things to keep me busy: eating lunch on sunset, getting coffee on Melrose, shopping at Kitson and taking in the views from Muholland Drive...all of my favorite things. Only two and half months later to realize that I never dealt with anything. Every new attempt I made at dealing with anything was merely an obstacle to avoid and ignore what was happening.
So now, subsequently, I have royally screwed myself over. Because now, at a time where it does not make sense to be dealing with something that happened two and a half months ago....my head is a mess and I can feel it in my body and I cannot seem to avoid the constant reminders from my brain telling me the obvious.
On another note it's very strange having the same instances occur in your life literally one year apart. It is kind of a smack in the face to all of the changes you have made in between.
Instead of reminicing about my childhood and analzying every moment from Thursday night, first and foremost I was just happy to be with Kelly. I was happy to invest time in one of my best friends and realize that she will always be just that.
Last weekend was a lot of fun, despite the fact that I slammed my face into a fitting room door and was gushing blood in the Tallahassee mall...it was comforting to be in a place without feeling awkward.
BEN KWELLER at the Social so very soon!