(no subject)

[teenibeeni2]

i dont know why i care so much.
i dont know why i bother.

im scared.
i though i've felt pain like this;
but i havent.
not even close.

how could things go from being so perfect, back to complete crap again in a matter of minutes?
i was having such a good week (especially today; wtf).

and i thought i loved them. i really did.
but i didnt. i was wrong. so so wrong.

i've never felt such intense feelings before.
i've never hated someone so much.
and yet hated them for not being able to hate them.

i dont remember the last time i've been so incredibly fustrated.
and sick. and sad. and depressed. at the same time.

i dont let people do this to me. im not supposed to.
im supposed to keep the walls up. no ones supposed to be allowed in.

i was stupid to ever let him in. so foolish. i dont know what i was thinking.
i probably wasnt thinking. and thats why and how he got in.
but how he stayed in, i dont know.

im not even angry anymore. just hurt. so incredibly hurt.
i feel so broken. im so close to a breakdown.
i can taste it. its that, or its the acid.

i think that the tears that hurt the most are the ones you have to try to swallow.
i hate the fact that you're doing this to me. the fact that you have this effect on me.
i hate you for it.

alskdf idont even know anymore.
im done.
so done.
bye.