If you were some crackhead mother willfully endangering her child, there would be fault. Issues that are not within your control are not your fault. All the women who have uteruses with fibroids and still carry to full term, are they somehow more worthy,deserving and not at fault as you?
Don't get me wrong,Liana. I'm a cradle catholic, and a cafeteria catholic, and I know how to internalize and take on guilt. When you lost Zappy, my DBT escalated to an alarming degree. It stopped feeling like the baby was cannabalizing my stomach by making me so hungry, and since that was how I judged whether he/she was there,I was convinced he/she had died. And it was my fault,just like my other miscarrigaes where I managed to convince myself that they were my fault. And do you know what the mortal sin was that I was convinced caused my baby to die? I took a bath last Sunday-not a super hot bath,but not a lukewarm one either. I finally drove my husband so crazy that he had a doppler overnighted so I would stop driving him crazy.
Don't get me wrong,Liana. I'm a cradle catholic, and a cafeteria catholic, and I know how to internalize and take on guilt. When you lost Zappy, my DBT escalated to an alarming degree. It stopped feeling like the baby was cannabalizing my stomach by making me so hungry, and since that was how I judged whether he/she was there,I was convinced he/she had died. And it was my fault,just like my other miscarrigaes where I managed to convince myself that they were my fault. And do you know what the mortal sin was that I was convinced caused my baby to die? I took a bath last Sunday-not a super hot bath,but not a lukewarm one either. I finally drove my husband so crazy that he had a doppler overnighted so I would stop driving him crazy.
Please stop beating yourself up.
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