My Ignorance
My dog died out of ignorance yesterday. Out of her owner's ignorance - my ignorance. I was careless and she was able to get out of the house. She tried to run across the street, but she didn't make it. A fast moving van hit her on her bottom half which sent her flying a few feet from the collision. The van only slowed down -- he didn't stop.
She got up and limped her way to an island (in the middle of the road) while crying in pain. It was a red light so the van had to stop.. T__T gee, shouldn't he have stopped when he saw her running across the street? He's suppose to be alert at all times.
My brown-eyed friend who was right beside me stopped screaming and started saying, "oh no.."
Liquid came out of her, but it wasn't blood. I later on found out that it was urine.
'That's not good'
My dog managed to walk across in front of the stopped van that hit her and sat next to one of its wheels. I ran out to get her not even paying attention to the oncoming vehicles on the other lane.
She growled at me at first, but I picked her up and immediately walked towards my house, set her down on the kitchen floor and called my sister.
My sister told me to call the vet and ask until what time they're open and that she will go get the van from my dad's workplace. So I called the vet, and said I should get her (the dog) in as soon as possible.
I decided to call in a cab.
Fortunately, my brown-eyed friend was with me the entire time.
I was holding my dog wrapped around her own blanket during the ride. I could feel her breathing getting faster and more erratic. The cab driver was taking his time puching in numbers and swipping my debit card on his interac machine. Then for some weird reason the driver said that it wasn't accepted. Luckily I brought a bunch of change with me.
Blood came out of her mouth while the vet was still trying to figure out what was wrong.
My brown-eyed friend and I were kicked out of the room just when they were about to start the X-Rays.
A few minutes later, while waiting in the ready room, one of the assistance came out and said, "She's breathing's shallow. Do you want us to resuscitate her?"
I was confused, "huh?"
"Do you want us to perform CPR, or induce medicine?"
"Uh. Yeah!" I didn't get it. Actually, I still don't get why they must ask the owner if they still want to continue saving their pets' lives. Aren't they suppose to try and save her life no questions asks?
I gestured my brown-eyed friend to sit, but she said she can't because she's anxious. Then she asked me, "What are you thinking right now?"
I looked at her with a confused face, "huh?"
"You're not saying anything, so I'm wondering what's going through your head," she explained.
"Ohh. Well... I... don't know."
Which was true. Sure I was feeling anxious as well, but there's a greater part of me that felt guilty --- and I still do feel guilty.
My sister arrived just when the doctor came out of the room where they were working on my dog. My sister was already teary.
The doctor said, "I'm sorry. She didn't make it." Then he started explaining the process he did to try and save her (using a bunch of medical terms of course).
I would've been able to hold back my tears if it wasn't for my sister crying right beside me. So looking down on my lap where my dog's favourite blanket was placed, tears started to fall.
The vet and my sister talked about what happens to the body, then we left to go home.
I can't believe she didn't make it.. she has always been one stubborn dog.
Once we were home, my sister went straight into her room, and my brother came downstairs and asked where the dog was. I looked at my brown-eyed friend and back at my brother. Then I told him to ask my sister.
Just when my brown-eyed friend and I were about to leave my house (unlocking our bikes), I saw my mom walking towards the house. I guess she just came home from work.
My mom looked so happy.. and it saddens me more knowing that she'll be devastated once she hears the bad news.
Riding on our bicycles, on the way to her house, we talked about how I felt and what I should do once I get back home.
She was very supportive and I hugged her before we said "bye" to one another.
Once I got home, I started collecting all of my dog's diaper pads. They were one in each floor and I don't want anyone to see it again. It'll just remind them of the puppy we had.
My dog was only less then 2 years of age. She would've been 2 years old in July 1st of this year.
I was sweaty and there were still some fur on my shirt, so I took a shower, then went directly to bed. On my bed with teary eyes my brother was waking me up, but I pretended to be asleep.
After a few hour, my mom woke me up and told me how she went to the vet clinic and saw her (our dog). And how by the time she got there.. she was still warm. I could tell my mom has been crying for hours. I was semi-concious on my bed staring at the white wall of my bedroom with my watery eyes. Then she told me how it was weird in the morning because she (the dog) didn't greet her (my mom) for the very first time, and when my sister was out in our backyard with her (the dog), she (the dog) didn't even look at my sister. I found that awkward.
'Did she know she was going to die today?'
My mom told me to wake up and to go downstairs to eat. After she left, I gained full conciousness and just started crying some more (and also sobbing).
My cell phone rang. It was my green-eyed friend wondering what had happened. My brown-eyed friend informed him of the collision, but nothing else other than that.
I was still sobbing, so he had to wait a minute or so until I could speak.
It was embarassing enough that my brown-eyed friend saw me in tears earlier, now my green-eyed friend heard me sobbing on the phone -_-
Then he asked if he can drop by.
I got out of my bed and washed my face. I was shocked to see my reflection. The rim of my eyes were bloddy red.
My mom and my brother were crying in the kitchen while my mom was talking on the phone. I guess she was informing my dad. So I stepped out of my front door to see him.
We talked. And my brown-eyed friend was right - he (our green-eyed friend) has his way with words. He consoled me and at one point he managed to get my mind out of it.
I walked with him outside. He was heading home, and I thought I needed to take a walk. We walked through a strange path. A path that requires to cross a lit up soccer field at night and to go over a stationed freight train.
"Ever been on a freight train?"
"No," I answered.
"Good. And that's why I have this camera."
He went in his house by 11:11pm, so I jogged my way back home. I looked at the time: 11:36pm. 'Wow, I made it in 25 minutes. That's fast.'
During that jog.. I remembered something.
My dream from last night: Three guys pretending to be a pizza delivery guy, a cop, and some other dude pursuaded me to open the door for them. I was suspecting something weird, and I know I should've asked the cop for proof that he was a cop, but I opened the door anyway. And it turns out that they were robbers. They went in my house and I just ran out. Fortunately I had my cell phone in my pocket and tried to call 911, but I kept getting the wrong number. I even thought to myself, 'HOW HARD IS IT TO CALL 911?!' And I never did get to contact the authorities.
I met up with my dad at the front door. I seems that no one was opening the door for him. Good thing I had the key then.
I finally ate something at midnight. The last time I ate was at 2pm (10 hours ago). I was surprised to have not eaten for that long period of time, because I usually eat every 2 hours.
I slept late. My green-eyed friend and I were chatting online until 4am.
That night I dreamt that in a classroom setting, Benjamin McKenzie and this girl was sitting together (the classroom has columns of students sitting with 2 seats right beside one another). Mischa Barton was behind Ben.
Then Ben started to hold that girl (he was sitting beside) in a warm embrace.
And I thought, 'It must be nice to be held by someone'.
She got up and limped her way to an island (in the middle of the road) while crying in pain. It was a red light so the van had to stop.. T__T gee, shouldn't he have stopped when he saw her running across the street? He's suppose to be alert at all times.
My brown-eyed friend who was right beside me stopped screaming and started saying, "oh no.."
Liquid came out of her, but it wasn't blood. I later on found out that it was urine.
'That's not good'
My dog managed to walk across in front of the stopped van that hit her and sat next to one of its wheels. I ran out to get her not even paying attention to the oncoming vehicles on the other lane.
She growled at me at first, but I picked her up and immediately walked towards my house, set her down on the kitchen floor and called my sister.
My sister told me to call the vet and ask until what time they're open and that she will go get the van from my dad's workplace. So I called the vet, and said I should get her (the dog) in as soon as possible.
I decided to call in a cab.
Fortunately, my brown-eyed friend was with me the entire time.
I was holding my dog wrapped around her own blanket during the ride. I could feel her breathing getting faster and more erratic. The cab driver was taking his time puching in numbers and swipping my debit card on his interac machine. Then for some weird reason the driver said that it wasn't accepted. Luckily I brought a bunch of change with me.
Blood came out of her mouth while the vet was still trying to figure out what was wrong.
My brown-eyed friend and I were kicked out of the room just when they were about to start the X-Rays.
A few minutes later, while waiting in the ready room, one of the assistance came out and said, "She's breathing's shallow. Do you want us to resuscitate her?"
I was confused, "huh?"
"Do you want us to perform CPR, or induce medicine?"
"Uh. Yeah!" I didn't get it. Actually, I still don't get why they must ask the owner if they still want to continue saving their pets' lives. Aren't they suppose to try and save her life no questions asks?
I gestured my brown-eyed friend to sit, but she said she can't because she's anxious. Then she asked me, "What are you thinking right now?"
I looked at her with a confused face, "huh?"
"You're not saying anything, so I'm wondering what's going through your head," she explained.
"Ohh. Well... I... don't know."
Which was true. Sure I was feeling anxious as well, but there's a greater part of me that felt guilty --- and I still do feel guilty.
My sister arrived just when the doctor came out of the room where they were working on my dog. My sister was already teary.
The doctor said, "I'm sorry. She didn't make it." Then he started explaining the process he did to try and save her (using a bunch of medical terms of course).
I would've been able to hold back my tears if it wasn't for my sister crying right beside me. So looking down on my lap where my dog's favourite blanket was placed, tears started to fall.
The vet and my sister talked about what happens to the body, then we left to go home.
I can't believe she didn't make it.. she has always been one stubborn dog.
Once we were home, my sister went straight into her room, and my brother came downstairs and asked where the dog was. I looked at my brown-eyed friend and back at my brother. Then I told him to ask my sister.
Just when my brown-eyed friend and I were about to leave my house (unlocking our bikes), I saw my mom walking towards the house. I guess she just came home from work.
My mom looked so happy.. and it saddens me more knowing that she'll be devastated once she hears the bad news.
Riding on our bicycles, on the way to her house, we talked about how I felt and what I should do once I get back home.
She was very supportive and I hugged her before we said "bye" to one another.
Once I got home, I started collecting all of my dog's diaper pads. They were one in each floor and I don't want anyone to see it again. It'll just remind them of the puppy we had.
My dog was only less then 2 years of age. She would've been 2 years old in July 1st of this year.
I was sweaty and there were still some fur on my shirt, so I took a shower, then went directly to bed. On my bed with teary eyes my brother was waking me up, but I pretended to be asleep.
After a few hour, my mom woke me up and told me how she went to the vet clinic and saw her (our dog). And how by the time she got there.. she was still warm. I could tell my mom has been crying for hours. I was semi-concious on my bed staring at the white wall of my bedroom with my watery eyes. Then she told me how it was weird in the morning because she (the dog) didn't greet her (my mom) for the very first time, and when my sister was out in our backyard with her (the dog), she (the dog) didn't even look at my sister. I found that awkward.
'Did she know she was going to die today?'
My mom told me to wake up and to go downstairs to eat. After she left, I gained full conciousness and just started crying some more (and also sobbing).
My cell phone rang. It was my green-eyed friend wondering what had happened. My brown-eyed friend informed him of the collision, but nothing else other than that.
I was still sobbing, so he had to wait a minute or so until I could speak.
It was embarassing enough that my brown-eyed friend saw me in tears earlier, now my green-eyed friend heard me sobbing on the phone -_-
Then he asked if he can drop by.
I got out of my bed and washed my face. I was shocked to see my reflection. The rim of my eyes were bloddy red.
My mom and my brother were crying in the kitchen while my mom was talking on the phone. I guess she was informing my dad. So I stepped out of my front door to see him.
We talked. And my brown-eyed friend was right - he (our green-eyed friend) has his way with words. He consoled me and at one point he managed to get my mind out of it.
I walked with him outside. He was heading home, and I thought I needed to take a walk. We walked through a strange path. A path that requires to cross a lit up soccer field at night and to go over a stationed freight train.
"Ever been on a freight train?"
"No," I answered.
"Good. And that's why I have this camera."
He went in his house by 11:11pm, so I jogged my way back home. I looked at the time: 11:36pm. 'Wow, I made it in 25 minutes. That's fast.'
During that jog.. I remembered something.
My dream from last night: Three guys pretending to be a pizza delivery guy, a cop, and some other dude pursuaded me to open the door for them. I was suspecting something weird, and I know I should've asked the cop for proof that he was a cop, but I opened the door anyway. And it turns out that they were robbers. They went in my house and I just ran out. Fortunately I had my cell phone in my pocket and tried to call 911, but I kept getting the wrong number. I even thought to myself, 'HOW HARD IS IT TO CALL 911?!' And I never did get to contact the authorities.
I met up with my dad at the front door. I seems that no one was opening the door for him. Good thing I had the key then.
I finally ate something at midnight. The last time I ate was at 2pm (10 hours ago). I was surprised to have not eaten for that long period of time, because I usually eat every 2 hours.
I slept late. My green-eyed friend and I were chatting online until 4am.
That night I dreamt that in a classroom setting, Benjamin McKenzie and this girl was sitting together (the classroom has columns of students sitting with 2 seats right beside one another). Mischa Barton was behind Ben.
Then Ben started to hold that girl (he was sitting beside) in a warm embrace.
And I thought, 'It must be nice to be held by someone'.