Feeling Pretty
I have an interesting relationship with my friend, whom I have previously called Rarity on here. We were very close indeed for a while last academic year, then seemed to drift apart a bit. Now I think we'll get a bit closer again. She's lovely and a good friend (helps people etc), but our relationship sometimes feels like a mother/daughter affair, with me as the mother. But, in many ways that's nice too. :)
Anyway, we had a nice chat the other day, and she was telling me that she spent a lot of the summer feeling... unpretty, let's say. She'd put on a few stone and her boyfriend, whom she's now broken up with, was trying his darnedest to help her feel pretty, but it wasn't happening. Apparently the relationship was getting boring and annoying for her, which wasn't fair on him really.
The thing about Rarity is, she's quite tall and a size 18, thereabouts, which aren't "ideal" proqqportions in this day and age. She's gorgeous though, and I say this in an unbiased way. Lovely shoulder-length red hair, nice proportions (phenomenal legs and a bosom worth noticing), unblemished skin, and she holds herself so elegantly. Many people fancy her, and if she were at all that way inclined, I would definitely tap that. :)
But her being pretty is immaterial, really, because she wasn't FEELING pretty. So she eventually decided to do something about it. She started working on losing weight and has been having casual flings with a friend of hers who's apparently quite good in the sack. We also chatted about how exhilarating exercise is, and how much better you feel when you eat well. I also said that something that helps me is standing in front of a mirror and looking, really looking, at myself. Seeing everything that's there and just getting used to it, to the point where it doesn't matter any more.
Our conversation got me thinking about feeling pretty. I, like many, spent a lot of teenagedom complaining about my attractiveness or lack thereof. Reflecting back, it was mostly attention-seeking on my part, I think. While attractiveness can never be viewed from a totally objective standpoint, I am well aware that, when compared to regular societal standards, I am quite unattractive. I am, therefore, unpretty. And many people are.
But do I feel pretty? To be honest, most of the time I don't really think about it. The more I learn and the more I get used to my depression and my issues, the more I see that, for me at least, physical attractiveness in and of itself is not something that concerns me much. Certainly not as much as I once thought it did. But when I do think about it...well, sometimes I don't feel pretty. I kind of think "huh, that's unfortunate" and look away. But if I look at myself after a hot bath, after a nice meal, after a good shift at work, after achieving something, after buying myself some nice clothes...even after doing something as mundane as applying mascara without getting any on my eyelids...yeah. Those times, and even some times when something nice hasn't just happened, I do feel pretty.
When do you feel pretty, flist?
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