-- The wind is her only friend...
I dont know where to begin.. i feel like im going to have an emotional break down. I mean.. why is this happening to me.. I was sitting in my room and my mom was asking me if i had plans this weekend. I told her i didnt and she started yelling at me in how i dont get out of the house. Its.. funny because she was telling me how such great friends i have.. i knew she meant it in a sarcastic way. I mean.. here i am at 16 just fucking sitting at a computer all day. What a life.. Most girls my age are out with their friends doing whatever.. I just.. i dont know. I should be out getting a job.. but at the way i look i am NEVER going to get a job. I dont like crying.. anymore. I hate feeling like shit and completely unwanted. I dont know what people want from me. Or.. what they expect of me. I cant just open up to people in a snap. Im so insecure about so many things. People say im a great person.. nice.. shy.. and caring.. but what does that prove? i dont know if have this shit even makes sense.
I feel like im so lost. Like no one can understand me. No one will actually know the real me. Because no one will give me that chance to show the real me. If i try to open up, i just some how get shot back down. If it isnt by my family.. its by my friends. I dont know.. maybe its becasue im scared.. I mean.. if your own family can hurt you.. how can you trust the real world. Would laugh at you.. or would would someone out there try to understand you? Its hard to say since this world is a fucked up place.
If i was to disappear.. would anyone actually notice it? I really dont think so. All i ever wanted is just a friend.. i dont even care if its one person.. i just want someone who i can.. talk to.. or cry to.. because im not really one who cries in front of people.. I dont know what im asking for.. or what i want..
-Alyssa
..I cant trust anyone..See it in my eyes..
...How quickly i forget that this is meaningless...
...Darkened eyes you'll see, there is no hope. No savoir in me...
I feel like im so lost. Like no one can understand me. No one will actually know the real me. Because no one will give me that chance to show the real me. If i try to open up, i just some how get shot back down. If it isnt by my family.. its by my friends. I dont know.. maybe its becasue im scared.. I mean.. if your own family can hurt you.. how can you trust the real world. Would laugh at you.. or would would someone out there try to understand you? Its hard to say since this world is a fucked up place.
If i was to disappear.. would anyone actually notice it? I really dont think so. All i ever wanted is just a friend.. i dont even care if its one person.. i just want someone who i can.. talk to.. or cry to.. because im not really one who cries in front of people.. I dont know what im asking for.. or what i want..
-Alyssa
..I cant trust anyone..See it in my eyes..
...How quickly i forget that this is meaningless...
...Darkened eyes you'll see, there is no hope. No savoir in me...