So there it is...
So....I'm mean. According to my little sister I am just plain mean. She said it so angrily though and with such a force that it made me jolt a little. Then I realized that it's totally true. I'm sitting at home, by myself and alone during Xmas break because I have slowly pushed all my friends away. This isnt melodramatic either...it's just this final realization that I have changed in the past 3 years to become so mean and hurtful towards everyone that slowly I have pushed all my friends away and failed to fully connect with anyone else. I'm sitting here, feeling awful and crying and trying to think of anyone to call or anything to talk to them and I can't think of anyone that would legitimately be willing to listen. I know that some people are just so nice that they would listen anyway and be a really good friend, but honestly...think about me and whether you wouldnt rather be doing something else even just a little bit. It's ok now because I've realized it. Some people are just destined to live life out alone, but I never thought that I would be one of those people. I don't even know what happened. I used to have so many friends and my parents would beg me to just stay at home one night and stay with them...now it isn't even an option. There isn't even anyone at school that I can call anymore...god dammit...what happened?!