Day 22: Priorities
I've been watching a lot of YouTube videos. It's still ridiculously startling to me how many people are doing the exact same thing I'm doing. Even just on YouTube...the website is flooded with a veritable army of different kinds of trans people. All different shapes and sizes and goals. Oh, sure, we all have a big unifying theme with our transition: we want to be our target gender. We want our physical gender to more represent our mental gender. But of course, the details vary between people.
I've decided what's most important to me, and I'm prioritizing that. My first priority is to be accepted as female. I want to live my life and interact with the human race and not feel marginalized. I want to look pretty. I am a huge fan of counter-culture, but I still, on many levels, want acceptance by culture. I'm a human being. I want to meet other human beings. I want them to see me as female. I don't fit in with the man universe. I need this.
This leads me to the topic of sexual reassignment surgery, the end goal for many transwomen. Of course I want it. Do I want it in the next few years? I mean, if I won the lottery, I would totally go for it as soon as I am able to via the approved and accepted means. As I am not swimming in cash, I need to prioritize. SRS will not help me be more accepted as female. It will help me feel better with myself, and it will definitely be the cherry on top of everything else. I will feel incomplete without it. That said, I'm prioritizing.
First, hair removal. That's being done slowly but surely. I have another appointment in a couple weeks.
What's next? Well, hormones will [hopefully] help a lot with my appearance and body, but they probably won't do everything. Even with makeup, trimmed eyebrows, a femme haircut, and clothes, there will be parts of my body that will always look masculine without surgical intervention, like my nose, or [obviously] my Adam's apple.
I'm definitely getting a tracheal shave, which removes that ugly bump of cartilage in the neck. I am definitely going to try to save money for facial feminization surgery. Even if I decide I don't need it after a year on hormones or so, it'll be nice to save money anyway. But I have a couple doctor's in mind, and even if I just get nose work done, I feel like it will do a lot for my ability to pass. I feel a little silly talking about plastic surgery, because it always invokes imagery in my head of fake ditzy blonde rich girls in Beverly Hills, or Michael Jackson. Before coming out of the trans-closet, I always held the belief that people should make the best of what they have, so I disagreed with all those rich people who decided to augment their face as if they were using performance-enhancing drugs at the Olympics, as if looking good was a sports competition.
However, when you are disadvantaged with masculine features as a woman, it becomes completely different. I know the most important part of all of this is self-acceptance, but...yeah...I need to be confident with my image in the mirror. I need to not see a man when I look in the mirror. If trans people want to get feminization surgeries, there obviously, to me, isn't anything wrong with that. If it helps you, it helps, that's good. I guess, in the end, there shouldn't be anything wrong with anyone getting any kind of body modification. It's about happiness, right? Happiness is good, right?
Heh, how about that for a coffee-induced ramble.
Okay, to sum up: I am going to let the hormones do their thing. I'm planning on going full-time sometime next year. I am also going to save money for light cosmetic surgery, if indeed I am not satisfied with the results with hormones alone. Andrea James said FFS was the best investment she ever made, even beyond SRS. SRS can wait as long as I need to.
But again, as I say a lot: baby steps, right? One step at a time. I often forget about that.
I just want to be a girl. Please?
Love ya,
Teegan
I've decided what's most important to me, and I'm prioritizing that. My first priority is to be accepted as female. I want to live my life and interact with the human race and not feel marginalized. I want to look pretty. I am a huge fan of counter-culture, but I still, on many levels, want acceptance by culture. I'm a human being. I want to meet other human beings. I want them to see me as female. I don't fit in with the man universe. I need this.
This leads me to the topic of sexual reassignment surgery, the end goal for many transwomen. Of course I want it. Do I want it in the next few years? I mean, if I won the lottery, I would totally go for it as soon as I am able to via the approved and accepted means. As I am not swimming in cash, I need to prioritize. SRS will not help me be more accepted as female. It will help me feel better with myself, and it will definitely be the cherry on top of everything else. I will feel incomplete without it. That said, I'm prioritizing.
First, hair removal. That's being done slowly but surely. I have another appointment in a couple weeks.
What's next? Well, hormones will [hopefully] help a lot with my appearance and body, but they probably won't do everything. Even with makeup, trimmed eyebrows, a femme haircut, and clothes, there will be parts of my body that will always look masculine without surgical intervention, like my nose, or [obviously] my Adam's apple.
I'm definitely getting a tracheal shave, which removes that ugly bump of cartilage in the neck. I am definitely going to try to save money for facial feminization surgery. Even if I decide I don't need it after a year on hormones or so, it'll be nice to save money anyway. But I have a couple doctor's in mind, and even if I just get nose work done, I feel like it will do a lot for my ability to pass. I feel a little silly talking about plastic surgery, because it always invokes imagery in my head of fake ditzy blonde rich girls in Beverly Hills, or Michael Jackson. Before coming out of the trans-closet, I always held the belief that people should make the best of what they have, so I disagreed with all those rich people who decided to augment their face as if they were using performance-enhancing drugs at the Olympics, as if looking good was a sports competition.
However, when you are disadvantaged with masculine features as a woman, it becomes completely different. I know the most important part of all of this is self-acceptance, but...yeah...I need to be confident with my image in the mirror. I need to not see a man when I look in the mirror. If trans people want to get feminization surgeries, there obviously, to me, isn't anything wrong with that. If it helps you, it helps, that's good. I guess, in the end, there shouldn't be anything wrong with anyone getting any kind of body modification. It's about happiness, right? Happiness is good, right?
Heh, how about that for a coffee-induced ramble.
Okay, to sum up: I am going to let the hormones do their thing. I'm planning on going full-time sometime next year. I am also going to save money for light cosmetic surgery, if indeed I am not satisfied with the results with hormones alone. Andrea James said FFS was the best investment she ever made, even beyond SRS. SRS can wait as long as I need to.
But again, as I say a lot: baby steps, right? One step at a time. I often forget about that.
I just want to be a girl. Please?
Love ya,
Teegan