7/4/2015
I have came to realize that I will not be in the kind of relationship I want. I think back on my past relationships and can't remember why I was with that person. Was it just something for me to do, somewhere for me to be because I hate being alone? Now that I am older I don't mind being alone. I found that out after my girlfriend and I got into an argument and she thought it would be best if we spend some time apart. (I agreed) We have never spend more then 24 hours from each other in that time and I was okay. Mind you I had to keep myself busy and I worked every day she was gone for more then 12 hours. I would just like to know where Heather and I went wrong, why we seem to do nothing but fight and argue for more then half of our time together. I know I have changed. I do not like going out and drinking like before. Only because the person I become when I am drinking. I would get mean almost to the point of violence. I had the one person I loved more then anything scared and cornered in the bathroom, I wouldn't let her leave. Why? Because I was scared she would leave me for good. Like, how dumb is that. I cornered her, because I didn't want her to leave. And I'm sure you are thinking I learned that somewhere I seen my father do that to my mother. Which isn't true, I had a very normal childhood. I acted that way from my own insecurities. I am comfortable, which can be a good thing. But I think more of it in my case is bad. Anyways I believe she has changed more then anything, in bad ways. And stayed the same in bad ways. I will not talk a lot about her life choices and the things she does because I do not feel like that is right. And if I do so I will do so with her permission first.
Anyways
The points is.
I want to be with her, I love her more than my own life. We just need a lot of work. On both of our parts. I'm just tired of doing whatever I can for her and her well,just doing whatever she can for herself.
People say relationships are 50/50. I do not agree. What if I can only give you 40% that day. Maybe something bad happened, maybe I'm not feeling well. Does that mean you should only give your 50% and that leaves us with 10% out. No, If I can only give 40% you need too give 60%. The days you can only give 30% you better fucking believe I will give you 70%
I just want someone to put in the work for me like I do them.
Anyways
The points is.
I want to be with her, I love her more than my own life. We just need a lot of work. On both of our parts. I'm just tired of doing whatever I can for her and her well,just doing whatever she can for herself.
People say relationships are 50/50. I do not agree. What if I can only give you 40% that day. Maybe something bad happened, maybe I'm not feeling well. Does that mean you should only give your 50% and that leaves us with 10% out. No, If I can only give 40% you need too give 60%. The days you can only give 30% you better fucking believe I will give you 70%
I just want someone to put in the work for me like I do them.