On the verge.
"Be thankful for everything that happens in your life; it’s all an experience." -Roy T. Bennett
And another few months have gone by since last I wrote.
This has been a busy period. Octobers usually are, at work. Everyone is falling over themselves to prove their worth during bonus season. Also, there is this damn election that I cannot wait to be done with on Tuesday. It feels to me like Kamala will win, yet I am anxious about the alternative, and don't feel like moving to Canada if people are really, really stupid. But we shall have to see what next Tuesday brings.
I voted last week-end. I am also pleased to see how many Kamala flags are up in my neck of the Eldredge woods. We outnumber the Orange Jerk by 10-1. Our insane neighbor across the street has 3 Trump plastered across his yard. That only counts for one house, in my opinion.
To try and quell this anxiety, I have been opening up my Friday night martini sessions to include friends, and it has been nice to be more social and catch up with a few folks. We saw our friends Sharon and Katherine a few weeks ago. They tend to go everywhere together but are adamantly not in a relationship.
Fun peeps. Sharon has stage managed a bunch of my shows and Katherine has acted in many and is on our play reading committee for the Eldredge Singers. We are looking for someone to direct next June. Although I enjoyed doing it this year, I really want to see the group begin to utilize other directors and build their bench.
Last week we had dinner with my work wife Kim and her real-life husband. And a few weeks before that we hung out with Josie.
Speaking of which, Josie has been in the hospital for the past few days but is hopefully being released today. She has had a breast infection. It doesn't sound fun. She spent two nights in the hospital and they put her in the psych ward as they didn't have enough beds. One guy near her kept moaning all night. I have been worried about her.
Speaking of hospital, Corb had his kidney stone surgery a few weeks ago and feels 100% better. It is a huge relief. He has now moved to focusing on reimagining much of our living room, primarily the stairway, in preparation for Thanksgiving, which we are hosting this year. It is going to look fantastic.
Haven't heard from Ashes since our fight back in August. I have gone from angry to sad to accepting. It feels like a loss that I no longer have her in my life, but she has to do what works for her in her life, and it was clear that our interactions would continually anger her. I do not expect this situation will change in the near term, but wish her the best and hope she is finding peace.
And, finally, had my yearly review with my boss yesterday. I received a successful rating and she called me a "Steady Eddy" who always "gets the job done." Well, that's nice. Also, wanted to me to be less of a friend to my team and more of a boss. Funny, that's my problem with my kids, too.
And, we talked about the "R" word. Her advice is to speak with HR on an informal basis and get an idea of when I might want to retire, and her only ask is that if I could give her more than three weeks, it would be appreciated. Suggested we discuss again in January.
The subject continues to scare me, but also, excite me. I am so tired of my weekends being a feeling of dread as the weekday ends followed by dread that the weekend is about to end. My most peaceful moments are right at the exact center of the weekend: I am at peace then. I am in the eye of the storm.
I think Corb gets nervous because of the loss of a steady income, with his business still in the early stages, but I really do think we will be all right and it would be so nice to manage his business, work for myself, and accomplish that "I want to be doing only things I am passionate about at 60" mantra. I really did love our test run back in April, traveling to Kansas, visiting oddball locations and picking up lighting. Even despite his kidney stone incident.
I want more of that in my life. I want more freedom and less anxiety.
I have a lot of vacation time built up, so I have decided to use as much as I can. So, today is a vacation day and I am treating it as a mock retirement day. Just to see how things feel.
At 60, I only want to do things I am passionate about. Today is a trial run for the rest of my life.