How Soon Is Now? Part 2
I hear that song on First Wave on Sirius satellite in my car all the time. Actually, I used to hear it every time I would get in my car after CHM 133 last summer at Glendale CC. Anyway, it has an apt title. I've grown to like Morrissey and the Smiths. Yes, I like flaming gay music.
Anyway...ahem. So I keep thinking about possible futures and futures not possible. It's come down to some basic arguments.
1. I do not enjoy my job. It pays nothing. I'm pretty sure that paycut we all took is long term. They say it isn't, but I know better. I know how the zoo operates. I'm a veteran. Can I say that now? Yes, I think so. I am a zoo veteran *shudder*. I can also say with certainty that I could keep working meticulously, flawlessly, being an exemplary employee for ten years and never be promoted. The schedule is awful. It allows me no life outside of work because life outside of work takes place at different hours than when I'm let outside to play.
2. My mother annoys the ever-living shit out of me once again. Since Dennis lost his trucking job, she is here all the time. I have concerns about her. She has no life. I mean none. Her life is this house. That's it. I don't know how she doesn't go crazy. No friends, no job, just this house. Perhaps she has convinced herself that there is meaning in keeping an immaculate house and pestering husband and son to death. I have this funny feeling that she wouldn't be so annoying if she had a career or friends. I need to get out of here again. My saving grace last time was a roommate, the time before, my girlfriend. Plus, if my mother makes more retarded life decisions, I do not want to be around. Not to take care of her or have my world torn asunder. One person who reads my journal remembers the last time that happened, dontcha? It would be good to not be here if I can help it.
3. I like school. For the most part. It is the only thing that I look forward to anymore. Well, not so much Bio-Ethics, but chemistry is pretty cool. No one understands why I dig the organic chem so much, but I'm a fucking nerd. Anyway, for all that...because I have to continue to support myself, I can really only afford and am able to handle two classes at one time. This means a long time for an associates. Twice the time. Twice the time for a B.S. Imagine it. 10 years. Remember my last entry? 10 years? Yeah. I don't think I'm willing. That assumes I have to remain at that awful job or go to an equally shitty one.
I am seriously thinking about the military again. Yeah, people think...what you? No way in hell. Well, I'm going to go talk to them and see if I'm eligible for any officer jobs. We can go from there and weigh options. Because I have to get out of this situation. My step-grandfather agrees with me too.
Anyway...ahem. So I keep thinking about possible futures and futures not possible. It's come down to some basic arguments.
1. I do not enjoy my job. It pays nothing. I'm pretty sure that paycut we all took is long term. They say it isn't, but I know better. I know how the zoo operates. I'm a veteran. Can I say that now? Yes, I think so. I am a zoo veteran *shudder*. I can also say with certainty that I could keep working meticulously, flawlessly, being an exemplary employee for ten years and never be promoted. The schedule is awful. It allows me no life outside of work because life outside of work takes place at different hours than when I'm let outside to play.
2. My mother annoys the ever-living shit out of me once again. Since Dennis lost his trucking job, she is here all the time. I have concerns about her. She has no life. I mean none. Her life is this house. That's it. I don't know how she doesn't go crazy. No friends, no job, just this house. Perhaps she has convinced herself that there is meaning in keeping an immaculate house and pestering husband and son to death. I have this funny feeling that she wouldn't be so annoying if she had a career or friends. I need to get out of here again. My saving grace last time was a roommate, the time before, my girlfriend. Plus, if my mother makes more retarded life decisions, I do not want to be around. Not to take care of her or have my world torn asunder. One person who reads my journal remembers the last time that happened, dontcha? It would be good to not be here if I can help it.
3. I like school. For the most part. It is the only thing that I look forward to anymore. Well, not so much Bio-Ethics, but chemistry is pretty cool. No one understands why I dig the organic chem so much, but I'm a fucking nerd. Anyway, for all that...because I have to continue to support myself, I can really only afford and am able to handle two classes at one time. This means a long time for an associates. Twice the time. Twice the time for a B.S. Imagine it. 10 years. Remember my last entry? 10 years? Yeah. I don't think I'm willing. That assumes I have to remain at that awful job or go to an equally shitty one.
I am seriously thinking about the military again. Yeah, people think...what you? No way in hell. Well, I'm going to go talk to them and see if I'm eligible for any officer jobs. We can go from there and weigh options. Because I have to get out of this situation. My step-grandfather agrees with me too.