the boy who blocked his own shot
i don't know what it is with me lately. i've turned into a complete bum.
..i think i'll go apply for a job for the rest of summer when i get back from gainesville on monday.
_something thats bothered me a lot, i think since i've been in college- i don't know if i've completely lost my intensity or competitiveness, or i've just become so easygoing and laid back that i dont give a shit about the things that used to make me or break me, back in the day.
basketball for example. yea, so i havent played organized ball in a couple years, but its the most recent parallel. basketball used to be my life. i didnt live day to day. i lived game to game. if i didnt play well or lost a game, you would not want to be in the car with me on the way home. sometimes when i won even, it wasnt a pleasant ride home. there was always something in my game that i would find wrong. i would get in fights with my parents if they told me i played great and i didnt agree. thats how intense i was, thats how much it meant to me. i was a competitor. i didnt, i couldnt accept anything less than perfection as far as effort AND outcome.
i miss that. i don't have anything close to that now. in the past few years i've spread myself over such a wide variety to try and be as wellrounded as possible. maybe thats a good thing. well yea, it is a good thing, BUT.. if im so spread out, i have no focus. i need a focus. music came close. music is different, a hobby. i need something. something more than a hobby. something that'll restore some fkn fire.
1..2, me
ps.. i am not a pushover, so save your energy.
..i think i'll go apply for a job for the rest of summer when i get back from gainesville on monday.
_something thats bothered me a lot, i think since i've been in college- i don't know if i've completely lost my intensity or competitiveness, or i've just become so easygoing and laid back that i dont give a shit about the things that used to make me or break me, back in the day.
basketball for example. yea, so i havent played organized ball in a couple years, but its the most recent parallel. basketball used to be my life. i didnt live day to day. i lived game to game. if i didnt play well or lost a game, you would not want to be in the car with me on the way home. sometimes when i won even, it wasnt a pleasant ride home. there was always something in my game that i would find wrong. i would get in fights with my parents if they told me i played great and i didnt agree. thats how intense i was, thats how much it meant to me. i was a competitor. i didnt, i couldnt accept anything less than perfection as far as effort AND outcome.
i miss that. i don't have anything close to that now. in the past few years i've spread myself over such a wide variety to try and be as wellrounded as possible. maybe thats a good thing. well yea, it is a good thing, BUT.. if im so spread out, i have no focus. i need a focus. music came close. music is different, a hobby. i need something. something more than a hobby. something that'll restore some fkn fire.
1..2, me
ps.. i am not a pushover, so save your energy.