140214 ; drabble post ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
untitled
human petting is nice. pet!exo!au.
jongdae/baekhyun | pg-13
409w
for chansoos
“This is Jongdae. Baekhyun, say hi to Jongdae.”
Baekhyun sniffs. “He smells weird.”
“That’s because he’s a cat,” says Joonmyun, prodding Baekhyun forward. “Go on, puppy, make friends.”
Baekhyun approaches Jongdae, tail wagging. “Hi,” he says, and the cat twitches, still staring at him nervously. “I’m Baekhyun.”
“You’re a dog,” says Jongdae, ears flat against his head and tail ramrod straight, and he glances up at his owner, whining, “Wu Fan, I don’t want to be friends with a dog.”
“He’s nice, I swear, just play with him for a while.”
Jongdae glances back at Baekhyun, scrunches up his nose, and flicks his tail dismissively. “Come, peasant. Let’s go play.”
Baekhyun’s ears perk up immediately, and his tail thumps enthusiastically against the floor. “Okay!”
He trots over to where Jongdae is, and plops down beside him.
“What do you like to do?” asks Jongdae.
“Fetch things,” answers Baekhyun immediately, smiling beatifically, “and talk, I like talking to people, and singing, and petting, I love petting. Joonmyun’s the best at petting.”
“I like singing too,” says Jongdae, tail swishing, and he looks considerably friendlier now that Baekhyun’s mentioned it. “And petting is fun, I like petting too.”
Baekhyun glances around, before leaning in to whisper, “Have you ever seen how humans pet?”
“Yeah,” breathes Jongdae, “it looks gross. But I want to try.”
Baekhyun nods enthusiastically.
Jongdae shifts closer to Baekhyun, and pats at his face with his palm. “You’re not too ugly, I suppose,” he says, more to himself than Baekhyun, “do you want to pet me?”
“Okay!” says Baekhyun, and he immediately crawls into Jongdae’s lap, nuzzling his face into Jongdae’s neck, carding his long fingers through Jongdae’s hair. “You’re a really pretty cat,” he murmurs, and Jongdae purrs, obviously pleased by the words. “Can you pet me too?”
Jongdae runs the heel of his palm down Baekhyun’s spine, and Baekhyun hums happily, as Jongdae scratches behind his ear. “I like you,” says Jongdae, “let’s try human petting now.”
“Okay!” says Baekhyun.
Twenty feet away, Joonmyun jumps to his feet, and screeches, “Why is your cat molesting my dog!”
“You mean why is your dog molesting my cat!”
Jongdae pulls away from where he’s sucking face with Baekhyun, and shouts, “We’re just doing human petting!”
“I like human petting!” adds Baekhyun, curling his limbs around Jongdae. “You both should try it!”
Wu Fan looks at Joonmyun. “Well, at least they’re getting along?”
Joonmyun gives him an exasperated glare.
untitled.
dirty talk turns jongdae on. the members take advantage of that.
warnings for dirty talk.
jongdae/all | r
708w
for feenim
It starts off as a game. It always starts off as a game.
They’re sitting in a large, crooked circle, some of the members stretched out across the floor, some splayed in armchairs and couches, some with their feet dangling off stools. They’ve been holed up in the dorms for the whole day, not able to go out because of some unsettled security issues.
“Truth or dare,” Zitao had suggested, and out of boredom, they’d rolled with it.
Most of the dares are harmless, most of the truths boring. What colour is your underwear, I dare you to lick my toe, tell me the name of your first kiss. It’s when Sehun decides to shake things up that everything falls apart.
“Truth or dare, Jongdae?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear.
“Truth,” says Jongdae casually, leaning back against Chanyeol’s shoulder.
Sehun snickers. “What’s your biggest kink?”
Jongdae freezes, and stares at him. “Oh, hell no, you did not just ask that.”
“Why, too afraid to answer?”
Jongdae swallows. “No, I just-“ He glances around. Everyone has their eyes on him, obviously interested in the answer. “Really? Really, guys?”
“Go on,” says Sehun smugly, discretely low-fiveing Baekhyun under the table. “Say it.”
Jongdae grumbles, but in the end, he mutters something under his breath that nobody catches.
“Louder,” demands Lu Han.
“Alright, fine!” Jongdae scowls at them. “Dirty talk, okay? Dirty talk is my biggest kink.”
Jongin starts to laugh. “Really? That’s so lame. We all totally pegged you for something more hardcore.”
“I thought he’d be into crossdressing,” comments Yixing.
“No, that’s me,” says Baekhyun.
“I thought he’d be into all of that bondage stuff,” adds Joonmyun.
“No, that’s Kyungsoo.”
“How about My Little Pony-“
Jongdae interrupts here, “Can we move on, now?”
“What’s the rush?” Lu Han is cackling. That evil, evil child. “We should prod you a bit. Is it that really dirty, dirty kind of dirty talk? Or just the regular kind?”
“The carpet needs vacuuming,” deadpans Kyungsoo, “you have mud on your shoes. There’s a ketchup stain on your collar.”
“Oh, yeah, just like that,” says Jongdae dryly, and he snorts.
“Or,” says Chanyeol, voice dropping an octave, “imagine how wrecked you’d be if all of us decided to take advantage of this little kink.”
Jongdae shifts away from Chanyeol, an obvious shudder running down his spine. “Chanyeol,” he starts, but the others seem to have caught on.
“Imagine,” starts Joonmyun softly, and Jongdae’s head whips in his direction immediately, “us doing nothing but talking, but still managing to get you hard.” They watch Jongdae sink back into the cushions, biting his lip. “You, begging for us to touch you, because you just can’t take it anymore, you just need someone to put their mouth on you.”
Jongdae’s fingers are digging into the arm of the sofa painfully.
“Come on,” says Minseok, “we know you’re enjoying this. Imagining us, ruining you. Maybe Baekhyun’s pretty mouth sucking kisses into your neck. Jongin biting at the skin under your ear. Kris palming your cock through your shorts.”
An involuntary moan slips through Jongdae’s clenched teeth. He’s trembling.
Somebody’s fingers rub at the nape of his neck casually. It’s Kyungsoo. “You like that, hmm?” he murmurs, low and smooth, “want us to fuck you, don’t you? You want us to take you, spread your legs apart and fuck you so hard you see stars behind your eyes.”
“God,” whimpers Jongdae, and his hand is pressing against his lower body, “you guys are terrible, Jesus fucking Christ.”
“How can we resist?” Yixing smiles sleepily. “You’re so fun to mess with.”
“Slut,” adds Baekhyun casually, and Jongdae has to clamp his hand over his mouth to stop from uttering an embarrassing whine. “If I told you to get on your knees now, would you?”
“Yes,” bursts out Jongdae before he can help himself, “fuck you all, fuck you, fuck me, just, stop fucking around!”
“You asked for it,” says Zitao cheerfully, sending a thumbs-up to Sehun, who licks his lip suggestively. “Who goes first?”
“Rock, paper, scissors,” suggests Chanyeol.
Jongdae wails, “Are you seriously playing a game to decide who gets to have sex with me?”
“Do you want us to leave?”
Jongdae wisely shuts up.
accept my love! (i don't want your love!)
valentine's day crack!fic.
warnings for sickening fluff.
baekhyun/jongdae, with a side of chanyeol/soojung, almost!lu han/joonmyun, jongin/yixing, minseok/sooyeon, almost!zitao/jia, closeenough!sehun/girls | pg-13
1.8k~
for this prompt on the exopromptmeme. translated into vietnamese here pmsl.
"Valentine's Day is horrible and over-commercialized," complains Jongdae, grabbing his books and slamming his locker shut. "Why do you keep insisting on celebrating this wasteful, terrible day? It's not even a holiday! We still have to go to school! And do things!"
"Because it's nice." Chanyeol has a goofy smile on his face. It's sickeningly sweet. "You do something romantic for the person you love, you know?"
Jongdae resists the urge to hurl all over Chanyeol's new high-tops. "Don't you already do that with Soojung? Like, every single day?"
"But Valentine's Day is extra special!" Chanyeol sighs at the flowers in his hand, a mix of lilies. "I hope she likes these."
"Of course she will," says Kyungsoo, appearing beside them as they're walking to class. "She loves lilies. The real question is whether she'll get annoyed that you've been getting her the same lilies for the past three years, or so touched that you remembered and bought her favourite flowers again."
Chanyeol stops in his tracks, and stares at Kyungsoo. "You mean there's a fifty percent chance she won't like these?"
Kyungsoo shrugs. "You never know."
"Accept my love!" comes Lu Han's agonized shriek from one end of the hallway. "Why won't you accept my love, Kim Joonmyun?"
"I don't want your love!" Joonmyun is backed up against the lockers, looking terrified. He has good cause to be. The captain of the soccer team is frightfully enthusiastic when it comes to obtaining his goals, whether they be for sport or academics or his love life. "Lu Han, I've already rejected you six times!"
"I wanna hold your hand," sings Lu Han, brandishing a single rose at Joonmyun's face, "oh, let me hold your hand!"
"I swear to God, Lu Han, I'm going to move so far away from this school we won't even be breathing the same air!"
Nearby the ruckus, three freshman girls are clinging to Sehun like a second skin. "I love you," they all coo.
"Okay," says Sehun, opening his locker. The girls sigh dreamily.
Somewhere further down by the doors, Jongin and Yixing are sucking face like the world is on its way to eternal destruction.
At the other end of the hallway, Jongdae merely jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "See? Valentine's Day makes people go crazy."
"No," says Kyungsoo slowly, "I'm pretty sure that's just Lu Han."
They watch Joonmyun make his escape.
"Hey, kids," says Baekhyun, walking up to them, fingers curled into his backpack straps. "What's happening?"
"The usual," sighs Kyungsoo, "Chanyeol worrying whether Soojung will love him, Lu Han being yandere, Sehun being tsundere, everyone making out, and Jongdae whining about the unfairness of it all."
"Oh," says Baekhyun, accepting the statements like they're everyday occurrences. To be fair, they are. "Any bets yet on who's gonna confess to who?"
"I have my money on Zitao," says Chanyeol immediately, forgetting his troubles and bouncing on his heels, the prospect of winning money cheering him up immensely. "He's been making googly-eyes at that pretty girl, Jia, in his art class for ages now. I got that from a trustworthy source."
"You mean Jongin told you," says Jongdae, and even though he hates Valentine's Day with all the burning passion of the fires of hell, he's not past making money off the suckers who learn to play guitar and cut out paper hearts and spend copious amounts of money on flowers just to admit to someone they like them. "I'm thinking Minseok might make a go. No telling who, though."
"You've got to name someone, or you're disqualified," reminds Baekhyun, surveying the crowd of students, milling around before classes begin. "I have a feeling Sehun might overcome his emotional block today. Last week he glanced at Taeyeon. Twice."
"She's way out of his league." Jongdae sniffs. "Fine. I'll say Sooyeon."
"Are you serious?" Chanyeol chortles. "She'll never accept him. She's as cold as Soojung is. Minseok's too happy. Too cheerful. Too bubbly."
"Then how did you get her?"
Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something, but then stops to think about it for a second, and closes his mouth.
Kyungsoo's lips quirk up. "Baekhyun."
"I already said mine."
"No, no." Kyungsoo smiles, a sharp, evil smile, that puts fear in the hearts of everyone. "Baekhyun's gonna confess today. Aren't you?"
Everyone stares at Baekhyun.
Baekhyun, despite the sudden accusation, is calm and collected. "And who am I going to confess to, Kyungsoo? Hypothetically, I mean."
"Jongdae," says Kyungsoo casually, and Jongdae nearly walks into an open locker. What did he just say?
Chanyeol is sniggering. "Baekhyun, confess to Jongdae? Not in a million years."
"Oh, you'll see," murmurs Kyungsoo, eyes glinting as he floats away.
Jongdae watches him go with a weird feeling of terror in his chest. "Why did he say you?"
"I have no idea," says Baekhyun, a little too quickly, "come on, let's get to class. Chop, chop."
As they're steered to class by the oldest member of their little group (Baekhyun insists on making this a point by constantly stressing his seniority and calling them kids, even though he's only a few months older than the rest of them), Jongdae can't help the swarm of thoughts that flood into his mind. Baekhyun, confessing to him? Baekhyun doesn't even like him that way! Baekhyun's just his friend. His best friend.
If Jongdae just ignores the fact that he's got his own little crush on Baekhyun dating back since the time of the dinosaurs, the whole situation sounds entirely implausible! Because Baekhyun is straight. He likes girls. He does not like Jongdae.
And Jongdae likes Baekhyun. But there's no way he's letting anyone know that. No. Absolutely no way.
Baekhyun's hand is on Jongdae's arm. "You're going the wrong way, you idiot."
Jongdae blinks. "Oh, whoops." He allows Baekhyun to tug him along in the right direction, definitely not thinking about the warmth of his fingers, curled over his wrist.
How pathetic, Jongdae thinks, to have a such a dumb crush on the prettiest boy in school. Who is also his best friend. Who is also not interested. Why would he? How irrational.
The rest of the day passes with many more disgusting declarations of love, filling the air with the smell of flowers and chocolate and sappy poetry. Jongdae's allergies start acting up, and he sneezes every time someone says the words 'Go out with me.' Not on purpose, no, not at all.
(Totally on purpose.)
Their predictions are a little lacking, however, this year.
It's lunch time, and the four of them are gathered at their regular round table, glancing around. Sehun's decided to stay as indifferent as ever, even as Taeyeon smiles at him and he just continues to pick at his food.
Zitao looks like he might do something, but before he can, one of the other boys from his class steps up to Jia and smiles brilliantly at her. Jongdae really feels for the guy, he does. Poor kid looks floored.
"Look," hisses Chanyeol, "Minseok's approaching Sooyeon!"
Four heads whip towards the right in unison.
"Hi, Sooyeon," says Minseok, smiling charmingly. "Would you like to go out with me?"
Sooyeon gives him a glance.
Chanyeol whispers to the table, "He's not gonna make it."
"He is," whispers back Jongdae, "I believe in him!"
"Shut up," hisses Kyungsoo, "she's about to say something."
They all hold their breaths as Sooyeon stands up, and takes the flower from his hand. "Okay," is all she says, before she starts smiling, and Minseok's grin grows even wider.
Jongdae whoops. "Cough up your wallets, boys."
"We still have one more!" says Kyungsoo firmly, not budging. "And the day isn't over yet."
"Please," says Chanyeol, snorting, "I still don't get how you think Baekhyun likes Jongdae."
"You'll eat your words, I swear it," says Kyungsoo.
Jongdae watches the two of them bicker on, and barely realises when Baekhyun gets up, and brushes the invisible dust off his front. "Hey, Jongdae," he says, pointing casually, "is that seat taken?"
"What seat," says Jongdae, but Baekhyun is sliding into his personal space, and swinging one leg casually over Jongdae's thighs, landing himself neatly on Jongdae's lap. He looks inexplicably calm. Jongdae is going to have a heart attack. "What the fuck are you doing," goes Jongdae, trying to keep his voice as level as possible, and failing miserably due to the scant gap between their crotches. Holy shit. "Byun Baekhyun."
"I'm confessing," says Baekhyun, and behind him, the other two fall silent. Chanyeol looks like he's just seen a ghost. Kyungsoo is already pulling Chanyeol's wallet out of his pocket. "Let's have sex, Kim Jongdae."
Jongdae is horribly aware of all the eyes on them. "Is this some kind of dare?" he demands, staring straight at Baekhyun. "Stop messing around, Baekhyun."
"I'm not," says Baekhyun, and he slings his arms around Jongdae's shoulders. Oh god, Jongdae's going to hyperventilate, isn't he. Baekhyun's so close, and he smells like strawberries, and he's just so pretty, and Jongdae finds himself staring at Baekhyun's mouth. "I'm asking you to date me."
Jongdae finds his voice amidst all the screaming thoughts in his mind telling him to either run away or lean forward or push Baekhyun off his lap. "But," he babbles, "you've never said anything before, and you've dated all those girls, and are you sure you're not just doing this so Kyungsoo can win money and you can take it from him?"
"He's not getting a single cent, okay," utters Kyungsoo.
Baekhyun grins apologetically. "You have no idea how afraid I am right now, Jongdae."
"Afraid of what?" wails Jongdae, so confused, so, so very confused.
"That you'll reject me," says Baekhyun quietly, and oh. Oh. "I never brought it up before because, well, you know. We're friends. I didn't want to ruin that. And I thought you liked girls too, until you told us you were gay. And that was, what, only three months ago?"
"Baekhyun," says Jongdae numbly. His mind is whirling. Baekhyun likes him? Baekhyun wants to date him? Is his life a Lifetime movie all of a sudden? “This can’t be real.”
The expression on Baekhyun’s face falls immediately. “Oh, well. I should have guessed, then. It was a dumb move anyway-“
“No, no,” rushes Jongdae, “I mean. This can’t be real, because, well, I’ve only had a crush on you since we were both twelve.”
Baekhyun stares at him, a delighted smile reappearing on his face. “Really.”
“Really,” echoes Jongdae.
“Kiss, kiss, kiss,” chants Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo punches him in the arm for ruining the moment.
“Happy Valentine’s Day?” says Baekhyun. “We can split the bet earnings for dinner and a movie.”
“God, you’re seriously the cheapest person I know,” says Jongdae, and he kisses Baekhyun.
The crowd around them whoops cheerfully.
“You don’t even know who they are!” says Kyungsoo in exasperation.
“But it’s so cute,” coos some random girl from the side. “Baekchen for life!”
“Yeah!” shrieks Lu Han suddenly from the middle of the cafeteria, holding up a signboard with their names on it. "If I can't have my love, then I will support yours to the end!"
Jongdae leans in to whisper to the table, “Is it too late to shift schools?”
i'm so hot.
baekhyun wakes up as the tenth member of snsd. total crack.
warnings for genderswap, boobs.
baekhyun-centric | pg-13
500w
for sweatybaek
“Baekhyun, wake up! We’re late!”
Baekhyun emits a strange cross between a snort and a sniffling sound, and rolls over in his bed, clutching at his sheets. “Go away, Jongdae,” he grumbles, not particularly wanting to go to practice today, not wanting to go for schedules in the slightest.
“Jongdae?” The bed creaks as someone jumps on top of it, and Baekhyun is jerked awake by the sudden weight on his legs. “Hah! I knew you had a crush on him!”
“I don’t have a crush on Jongdae, fuck, what’s going on-“ Baekhyun cracks open an eye to see the smiling face of Choi Sooyoung. From Girls Generation. SNSD. Sooyoung. Choi Sooyoung. Who’s in his room. Who’s sitting on his knees.
He shrieks. “Holy shit, what are you doing here?”
Sooyoung laughs, and rolls off the bed. “You’re such a weirdo,” she says, as if this is some kind of daily occurrence. “Come on, we’re gonna be late. Do you want Taeyeon-unnie to kill us? Again?”
Baekhyun just stares blankly at her.
Sooyoung sighs dramatically. “You’re the worst room-mate ever in the mornings, I swear, I’m moving back to Seohyun’s room if you keep this up.” She leaves the room, and Baekhyun can only gape after her, even as his eyes linger a little too long on her legs in her too-short sleeping shorts.
“What the actual fuck,” says Baekhyun, but it’s in that moment he realises that there’s something wrong with his voice, and he coughs a few times, but his voice still sounds way too high-pitched, way too breathy to be his.
It’s when he lets his gaze fall downwards that he becomes conscious of just how wrong things have become.
“I have boobs,” whimpers Baekhyun, eyes wide. “Oh my god, my dick is gone.” He cups his breasts through his oversized sweatshirt, still staring at himself. Or herself. Because he’s a girl. He’s turned into a girl. He must be dreaming. Or crazy. Maybe both. Crazy dreaming. Because people don’t just go around turning into girls.
“One hell of a dream,” breathes Baekhyun, tugging at the waistline of his boxers to check with a little peek. “I’m a girl. I’m… apparently in the SNSD dorm. I’m… a member of SNSD?”
He touches his boobs again, just to make sure. Yep, definitely real.
“Baekhyun,” comes a roar, sounding terrifyingly like a very displeased Taeyeon, “wake up now.”
“Coming,” squeaks out Baekhyun, and he jumps out of bed, knees wobbling when he lands on unfamiliar feet, eyes bugging out when he catches sight of himself in a mirror on the cupboard. “Wow, I’m hot.” He casually checks himself out, sliding a hand down the small of his back, resting his palm on his hip, skimming his fingertips across the soft curve of his ass.
Well, if he’s going to be stuck like this until god knows when, he might as well enjoy it, right?
Baekhyun whistles cheerfully, flips his hair over his shoulder, and struts out the door.
나무
jongdae and lu han tweak the wolf choreo for fanservice at mama 2013. they regret it instantly. based on this delightfully tension-inducing gif, and this fancam.
lu han/jongdae | pg-13
708w
for andy as thanks for showing me the gif in the first place.
It’s innocent enough, how it happens.
“The fans will think it’s cute,” says Jongdae, leaning against the mirrors in the dance studio during one of their breaks, “they like that kind of thing, don’t they?”
And Lu Han has to admit, he gets a kick out of fanservice just as much as the squealing crowds do. It’s slightly exhilarating, with the way a single brush of skin or a feather-light touch can send screams echoing throughout the air.
The concert hall is packed with thousands, the air thick with noise. Sweat rolls down all of their faces like waterfalls as they make careful steps, feet in time with the beat, moving to choreography they know well enough to do in their sleep. The remix has minimal changes made to the dance, the most pronounced being Jongin’s twenty-three second dance break, while the rest of them crouch on the ground, fingers splayed across a floor with flashing yellow and red lights. The bridge comes in with a little piano prelude, and Lu Han gets ready to switch positions.
Turning around, he comes face to face with Jongdae, who scuttles forward and meets his hands with his own, pressing the tips of their fingers together. Lu Han can’t help the little smile that appears on his face, even as he’s concentrating on the choreography. He can hear the fans closer to their side scream, and it makes Jongdae grin brilliantly back at him.
Standing up along with the rest of the members, going into their double tree formation, Lu Han pushes his hands upwards, and goes into the swaying motion, arms automatically falling in place. It seems that the moment has passed, until he glances up at Jongdae and the realisation of the lack of space between them hits him so suddenly that the smile drops from his features, and he breathes heavily, oh god, could they be standing any closer together?
Jongdae seems to have caught it too, the only part of their little plan not thought out too well, as they’re standing way closer than the rest of the members are, foreheads nearly bumping as their arms move in synchronicity.
A curious feeling begins to burn up the back of his spine, a strange heat licking away that can’t be mistaken for the glare of the spotlights, and Lu Han attempts to will it away in horror, determinedly not looking at Jongdae’s face, wishing for the next position change to come quicker, and he can’t help but notice now how their feet are shuffled so close together that their lower halves are nearly touching, and no, no, no, they’re on stage, performing, and this is not an appropriate time or place at all for Lu Han to get aroused, not at all.
He’s ridiculously thankful for when the bare ten-second line ends, and they shift sideways to take a hold of each other’s wrists, dropping backwards. Their knees are touching, and Lu Han has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from thinking about it, and when Jongdae pulls back to shift into his line, he moves to face the other way, leaving Lu Han to face his back.
Lu Han rubs at his eyes a second, not daring to look at Jongdae just yet, and it’s when Jongdae moves out of the formation to saunter upstage and belt out his words into the microphone taped to his jaw, Lu Han exhales deeply, and flings himself into the next part of the choreography, pushing aside all thoughts of Jongdae for now.
It’s later, much later, when they’re back at their hotel, exhausted and reaching for their pillows without even thinking about it, that Lu Han switches rooms with Yixing and locks the door behind him. Jongdae approaches him without hesitation, not even phased by the turn of events.
It takes nothing more than the soft press of Jongdae’s palm against his chest to make Lu Han shove Jongdae up against the bed, the backs of his knees hitting the edge. Lu Han rests their foreheads together, lodges his thigh up between Jongdae’s with a breathless whine, and sucks at his tongue insistently, even as warm, wanting fingertips burn down the knobs of his own spine.
happy valentine's day, kids.
may u all get the d.
or the v.
whichever tickles ur fancy (if u kno what i mean).
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
human petting is nice. pet!exo!au.
jongdae/baekhyun | pg-13
409w
for chansoos
“This is Jongdae. Baekhyun, say hi to Jongdae.”
Baekhyun sniffs. “He smells weird.”
“That’s because he’s a cat,” says Joonmyun, prodding Baekhyun forward. “Go on, puppy, make friends.”
Baekhyun approaches Jongdae, tail wagging. “Hi,” he says, and the cat twitches, still staring at him nervously. “I’m Baekhyun.”
“You’re a dog,” says Jongdae, ears flat against his head and tail ramrod straight, and he glances up at his owner, whining, “Wu Fan, I don’t want to be friends with a dog.”
“He’s nice, I swear, just play with him for a while.”
Jongdae glances back at Baekhyun, scrunches up his nose, and flicks his tail dismissively. “Come, peasant. Let’s go play.”
Baekhyun’s ears perk up immediately, and his tail thumps enthusiastically against the floor. “Okay!”
He trots over to where Jongdae is, and plops down beside him.
“What do you like to do?” asks Jongdae.
“Fetch things,” answers Baekhyun immediately, smiling beatifically, “and talk, I like talking to people, and singing, and petting, I love petting. Joonmyun’s the best at petting.”
“I like singing too,” says Jongdae, tail swishing, and he looks considerably friendlier now that Baekhyun’s mentioned it. “And petting is fun, I like petting too.”
Baekhyun glances around, before leaning in to whisper, “Have you ever seen how humans pet?”
“Yeah,” breathes Jongdae, “it looks gross. But I want to try.”
Baekhyun nods enthusiastically.
Jongdae shifts closer to Baekhyun, and pats at his face with his palm. “You’re not too ugly, I suppose,” he says, more to himself than Baekhyun, “do you want to pet me?”
“Okay!” says Baekhyun, and he immediately crawls into Jongdae’s lap, nuzzling his face into Jongdae’s neck, carding his long fingers through Jongdae’s hair. “You’re a really pretty cat,” he murmurs, and Jongdae purrs, obviously pleased by the words. “Can you pet me too?”
Jongdae runs the heel of his palm down Baekhyun’s spine, and Baekhyun hums happily, as Jongdae scratches behind his ear. “I like you,” says Jongdae, “let’s try human petting now.”
“Okay!” says Baekhyun.
Twenty feet away, Joonmyun jumps to his feet, and screeches, “Why is your cat molesting my dog!”
“You mean why is your dog molesting my cat!”
Jongdae pulls away from where he’s sucking face with Baekhyun, and shouts, “We’re just doing human petting!”
“I like human petting!” adds Baekhyun, curling his limbs around Jongdae. “You both should try it!”
Wu Fan looks at Joonmyun. “Well, at least they’re getting along?”
Joonmyun gives him an exasperated glare.
untitled.
dirty talk turns jongdae on. the members take advantage of that.
warnings for dirty talk.
jongdae/all | r
708w
for feenim
It starts off as a game. It always starts off as a game.
They’re sitting in a large, crooked circle, some of the members stretched out across the floor, some splayed in armchairs and couches, some with their feet dangling off stools. They’ve been holed up in the dorms for the whole day, not able to go out because of some unsettled security issues.
“Truth or dare,” Zitao had suggested, and out of boredom, they’d rolled with it.
Most of the dares are harmless, most of the truths boring. What colour is your underwear, I dare you to lick my toe, tell me the name of your first kiss. It’s when Sehun decides to shake things up that everything falls apart.
“Truth or dare, Jongdae?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear.
“Truth,” says Jongdae casually, leaning back against Chanyeol’s shoulder.
Sehun snickers. “What’s your biggest kink?”
Jongdae freezes, and stares at him. “Oh, hell no, you did not just ask that.”
“Why, too afraid to answer?”
Jongdae swallows. “No, I just-“ He glances around. Everyone has their eyes on him, obviously interested in the answer. “Really? Really, guys?”
“Go on,” says Sehun smugly, discretely low-fiveing Baekhyun under the table. “Say it.”
Jongdae grumbles, but in the end, he mutters something under his breath that nobody catches.
“Louder,” demands Lu Han.
“Alright, fine!” Jongdae scowls at them. “Dirty talk, okay? Dirty talk is my biggest kink.”
Jongin starts to laugh. “Really? That’s so lame. We all totally pegged you for something more hardcore.”
“I thought he’d be into crossdressing,” comments Yixing.
“No, that’s me,” says Baekhyun.
“I thought he’d be into all of that bondage stuff,” adds Joonmyun.
“No, that’s Kyungsoo.”
“How about My Little Pony-“
Jongdae interrupts here, “Can we move on, now?”
“What’s the rush?” Lu Han is cackling. That evil, evil child. “We should prod you a bit. Is it that really dirty, dirty kind of dirty talk? Or just the regular kind?”
“The carpet needs vacuuming,” deadpans Kyungsoo, “you have mud on your shoes. There’s a ketchup stain on your collar.”
“Oh, yeah, just like that,” says Jongdae dryly, and he snorts.
“Or,” says Chanyeol, voice dropping an octave, “imagine how wrecked you’d be if all of us decided to take advantage of this little kink.”
Jongdae shifts away from Chanyeol, an obvious shudder running down his spine. “Chanyeol,” he starts, but the others seem to have caught on.
“Imagine,” starts Joonmyun softly, and Jongdae’s head whips in his direction immediately, “us doing nothing but talking, but still managing to get you hard.” They watch Jongdae sink back into the cushions, biting his lip. “You, begging for us to touch you, because you just can’t take it anymore, you just need someone to put their mouth on you.”
Jongdae’s fingers are digging into the arm of the sofa painfully.
“Come on,” says Minseok, “we know you’re enjoying this. Imagining us, ruining you. Maybe Baekhyun’s pretty mouth sucking kisses into your neck. Jongin biting at the skin under your ear. Kris palming your cock through your shorts.”
An involuntary moan slips through Jongdae’s clenched teeth. He’s trembling.
Somebody’s fingers rub at the nape of his neck casually. It’s Kyungsoo. “You like that, hmm?” he murmurs, low and smooth, “want us to fuck you, don’t you? You want us to take you, spread your legs apart and fuck you so hard you see stars behind your eyes.”
“God,” whimpers Jongdae, and his hand is pressing against his lower body, “you guys are terrible, Jesus fucking Christ.”
“How can we resist?” Yixing smiles sleepily. “You’re so fun to mess with.”
“Slut,” adds Baekhyun casually, and Jongdae has to clamp his hand over his mouth to stop from uttering an embarrassing whine. “If I told you to get on your knees now, would you?”
“Yes,” bursts out Jongdae before he can help himself, “fuck you all, fuck you, fuck me, just, stop fucking around!”
“You asked for it,” says Zitao cheerfully, sending a thumbs-up to Sehun, who licks his lip suggestively. “Who goes first?”
“Rock, paper, scissors,” suggests Chanyeol.
Jongdae wails, “Are you seriously playing a game to decide who gets to have sex with me?”
“Do you want us to leave?”
Jongdae wisely shuts up.
accept my love! (i don't want your love!)
valentine's day crack!fic.
warnings for sickening fluff.
baekhyun/jongdae, with a side of chanyeol/soojung, almost!lu han/joonmyun, jongin/yixing, minseok/sooyeon, almost!zitao/jia, closeenough!sehun/girls | pg-13
1.8k~
for this prompt on the exopromptmeme. translated into vietnamese here pmsl.
"Valentine's Day is horrible and over-commercialized," complains Jongdae, grabbing his books and slamming his locker shut. "Why do you keep insisting on celebrating this wasteful, terrible day? It's not even a holiday! We still have to go to school! And do things!"
"Because it's nice." Chanyeol has a goofy smile on his face. It's sickeningly sweet. "You do something romantic for the person you love, you know?"
Jongdae resists the urge to hurl all over Chanyeol's new high-tops. "Don't you already do that with Soojung? Like, every single day?"
"But Valentine's Day is extra special!" Chanyeol sighs at the flowers in his hand, a mix of lilies. "I hope she likes these."
"Of course she will," says Kyungsoo, appearing beside them as they're walking to class. "She loves lilies. The real question is whether she'll get annoyed that you've been getting her the same lilies for the past three years, or so touched that you remembered and bought her favourite flowers again."
Chanyeol stops in his tracks, and stares at Kyungsoo. "You mean there's a fifty percent chance she won't like these?"
Kyungsoo shrugs. "You never know."
"Accept my love!" comes Lu Han's agonized shriek from one end of the hallway. "Why won't you accept my love, Kim Joonmyun?"
"I don't want your love!" Joonmyun is backed up against the lockers, looking terrified. He has good cause to be. The captain of the soccer team is frightfully enthusiastic when it comes to obtaining his goals, whether they be for sport or academics or his love life. "Lu Han, I've already rejected you six times!"
"I wanna hold your hand," sings Lu Han, brandishing a single rose at Joonmyun's face, "oh, let me hold your hand!"
"I swear to God, Lu Han, I'm going to move so far away from this school we won't even be breathing the same air!"
Nearby the ruckus, three freshman girls are clinging to Sehun like a second skin. "I love you," they all coo.
"Okay," says Sehun, opening his locker. The girls sigh dreamily.
Somewhere further down by the doors, Jongin and Yixing are sucking face like the world is on its way to eternal destruction.
At the other end of the hallway, Jongdae merely jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "See? Valentine's Day makes people go crazy."
"No," says Kyungsoo slowly, "I'm pretty sure that's just Lu Han."
They watch Joonmyun make his escape.
"Hey, kids," says Baekhyun, walking up to them, fingers curled into his backpack straps. "What's happening?"
"The usual," sighs Kyungsoo, "Chanyeol worrying whether Soojung will love him, Lu Han being yandere, Sehun being tsundere, everyone making out, and Jongdae whining about the unfairness of it all."
"Oh," says Baekhyun, accepting the statements like they're everyday occurrences. To be fair, they are. "Any bets yet on who's gonna confess to who?"
"I have my money on Zitao," says Chanyeol immediately, forgetting his troubles and bouncing on his heels, the prospect of winning money cheering him up immensely. "He's been making googly-eyes at that pretty girl, Jia, in his art class for ages now. I got that from a trustworthy source."
"You mean Jongin told you," says Jongdae, and even though he hates Valentine's Day with all the burning passion of the fires of hell, he's not past making money off the suckers who learn to play guitar and cut out paper hearts and spend copious amounts of money on flowers just to admit to someone they like them. "I'm thinking Minseok might make a go. No telling who, though."
"You've got to name someone, or you're disqualified," reminds Baekhyun, surveying the crowd of students, milling around before classes begin. "I have a feeling Sehun might overcome his emotional block today. Last week he glanced at Taeyeon. Twice."
"She's way out of his league." Jongdae sniffs. "Fine. I'll say Sooyeon."
"Are you serious?" Chanyeol chortles. "She'll never accept him. She's as cold as Soojung is. Minseok's too happy. Too cheerful. Too bubbly."
"Then how did you get her?"
Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something, but then stops to think about it for a second, and closes his mouth.
Kyungsoo's lips quirk up. "Baekhyun."
"I already said mine."
"No, no." Kyungsoo smiles, a sharp, evil smile, that puts fear in the hearts of everyone. "Baekhyun's gonna confess today. Aren't you?"
Everyone stares at Baekhyun.
Baekhyun, despite the sudden accusation, is calm and collected. "And who am I going to confess to, Kyungsoo? Hypothetically, I mean."
"Jongdae," says Kyungsoo casually, and Jongdae nearly walks into an open locker. What did he just say?
Chanyeol is sniggering. "Baekhyun, confess to Jongdae? Not in a million years."
"Oh, you'll see," murmurs Kyungsoo, eyes glinting as he floats away.
Jongdae watches him go with a weird feeling of terror in his chest. "Why did he say you?"
"I have no idea," says Baekhyun, a little too quickly, "come on, let's get to class. Chop, chop."
As they're steered to class by the oldest member of their little group (Baekhyun insists on making this a point by constantly stressing his seniority and calling them kids, even though he's only a few months older than the rest of them), Jongdae can't help the swarm of thoughts that flood into his mind. Baekhyun, confessing to him? Baekhyun doesn't even like him that way! Baekhyun's just his friend. His best friend.
If Jongdae just ignores the fact that he's got his own little crush on Baekhyun dating back since the time of the dinosaurs, the whole situation sounds entirely implausible! Because Baekhyun is straight. He likes girls. He does not like Jongdae.
And Jongdae likes Baekhyun. But there's no way he's letting anyone know that. No. Absolutely no way.
Baekhyun's hand is on Jongdae's arm. "You're going the wrong way, you idiot."
Jongdae blinks. "Oh, whoops." He allows Baekhyun to tug him along in the right direction, definitely not thinking about the warmth of his fingers, curled over his wrist.
How pathetic, Jongdae thinks, to have a such a dumb crush on the prettiest boy in school. Who is also his best friend. Who is also not interested. Why would he? How irrational.
The rest of the day passes with many more disgusting declarations of love, filling the air with the smell of flowers and chocolate and sappy poetry. Jongdae's allergies start acting up, and he sneezes every time someone says the words 'Go out with me.' Not on purpose, no, not at all.
(Totally on purpose.)
Their predictions are a little lacking, however, this year.
It's lunch time, and the four of them are gathered at their regular round table, glancing around. Sehun's decided to stay as indifferent as ever, even as Taeyeon smiles at him and he just continues to pick at his food.
Zitao looks like he might do something, but before he can, one of the other boys from his class steps up to Jia and smiles brilliantly at her. Jongdae really feels for the guy, he does. Poor kid looks floored.
"Look," hisses Chanyeol, "Minseok's approaching Sooyeon!"
Four heads whip towards the right in unison.
"Hi, Sooyeon," says Minseok, smiling charmingly. "Would you like to go out with me?"
Sooyeon gives him a glance.
Chanyeol whispers to the table, "He's not gonna make it."
"He is," whispers back Jongdae, "I believe in him!"
"Shut up," hisses Kyungsoo, "she's about to say something."
They all hold their breaths as Sooyeon stands up, and takes the flower from his hand. "Okay," is all she says, before she starts smiling, and Minseok's grin grows even wider.
Jongdae whoops. "Cough up your wallets, boys."
"We still have one more!" says Kyungsoo firmly, not budging. "And the day isn't over yet."
"Please," says Chanyeol, snorting, "I still don't get how you think Baekhyun likes Jongdae."
"You'll eat your words, I swear it," says Kyungsoo.
Jongdae watches the two of them bicker on, and barely realises when Baekhyun gets up, and brushes the invisible dust off his front. "Hey, Jongdae," he says, pointing casually, "is that seat taken?"
"What seat," says Jongdae, but Baekhyun is sliding into his personal space, and swinging one leg casually over Jongdae's thighs, landing himself neatly on Jongdae's lap. He looks inexplicably calm. Jongdae is going to have a heart attack. "What the fuck are you doing," goes Jongdae, trying to keep his voice as level as possible, and failing miserably due to the scant gap between their crotches. Holy shit. "Byun Baekhyun."
"I'm confessing," says Baekhyun, and behind him, the other two fall silent. Chanyeol looks like he's just seen a ghost. Kyungsoo is already pulling Chanyeol's wallet out of his pocket. "Let's have sex, Kim Jongdae."
Jongdae is horribly aware of all the eyes on them. "Is this some kind of dare?" he demands, staring straight at Baekhyun. "Stop messing around, Baekhyun."
"I'm not," says Baekhyun, and he slings his arms around Jongdae's shoulders. Oh god, Jongdae's going to hyperventilate, isn't he. Baekhyun's so close, and he smells like strawberries, and he's just so pretty, and Jongdae finds himself staring at Baekhyun's mouth. "I'm asking you to date me."
Jongdae finds his voice amidst all the screaming thoughts in his mind telling him to either run away or lean forward or push Baekhyun off his lap. "But," he babbles, "you've never said anything before, and you've dated all those girls, and are you sure you're not just doing this so Kyungsoo can win money and you can take it from him?"
"He's not getting a single cent, okay," utters Kyungsoo.
Baekhyun grins apologetically. "You have no idea how afraid I am right now, Jongdae."
"Afraid of what?" wails Jongdae, so confused, so, so very confused.
"That you'll reject me," says Baekhyun quietly, and oh. Oh. "I never brought it up before because, well, you know. We're friends. I didn't want to ruin that. And I thought you liked girls too, until you told us you were gay. And that was, what, only three months ago?"
"Baekhyun," says Jongdae numbly. His mind is whirling. Baekhyun likes him? Baekhyun wants to date him? Is his life a Lifetime movie all of a sudden? “This can’t be real.”
The expression on Baekhyun’s face falls immediately. “Oh, well. I should have guessed, then. It was a dumb move anyway-“
“No, no,” rushes Jongdae, “I mean. This can’t be real, because, well, I’ve only had a crush on you since we were both twelve.”
Baekhyun stares at him, a delighted smile reappearing on his face. “Really.”
“Really,” echoes Jongdae.
“Kiss, kiss, kiss,” chants Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo punches him in the arm for ruining the moment.
“Happy Valentine’s Day?” says Baekhyun. “We can split the bet earnings for dinner and a movie.”
“God, you’re seriously the cheapest person I know,” says Jongdae, and he kisses Baekhyun.
The crowd around them whoops cheerfully.
“You don’t even know who they are!” says Kyungsoo in exasperation.
“But it’s so cute,” coos some random girl from the side. “Baekchen for life!”
“Yeah!” shrieks Lu Han suddenly from the middle of the cafeteria, holding up a signboard with their names on it. "If I can't have my love, then I will support yours to the end!"
Jongdae leans in to whisper to the table, “Is it too late to shift schools?”
i'm so hot.
baekhyun wakes up as the tenth member of snsd. total crack.
warnings for genderswap, boobs.
baekhyun-centric | pg-13
500w
for sweatybaek
“Baekhyun, wake up! We’re late!”
Baekhyun emits a strange cross between a snort and a sniffling sound, and rolls over in his bed, clutching at his sheets. “Go away, Jongdae,” he grumbles, not particularly wanting to go to practice today, not wanting to go for schedules in the slightest.
“Jongdae?” The bed creaks as someone jumps on top of it, and Baekhyun is jerked awake by the sudden weight on his legs. “Hah! I knew you had a crush on him!”
“I don’t have a crush on Jongdae, fuck, what’s going on-“ Baekhyun cracks open an eye to see the smiling face of Choi Sooyoung. From Girls Generation. SNSD. Sooyoung. Choi Sooyoung. Who’s in his room. Who’s sitting on his knees.
He shrieks. “Holy shit, what are you doing here?”
Sooyoung laughs, and rolls off the bed. “You’re such a weirdo,” she says, as if this is some kind of daily occurrence. “Come on, we’re gonna be late. Do you want Taeyeon-unnie to kill us? Again?”
Baekhyun just stares blankly at her.
Sooyoung sighs dramatically. “You’re the worst room-mate ever in the mornings, I swear, I’m moving back to Seohyun’s room if you keep this up.” She leaves the room, and Baekhyun can only gape after her, even as his eyes linger a little too long on her legs in her too-short sleeping shorts.
“What the actual fuck,” says Baekhyun, but it’s in that moment he realises that there’s something wrong with his voice, and he coughs a few times, but his voice still sounds way too high-pitched, way too breathy to be his.
It’s when he lets his gaze fall downwards that he becomes conscious of just how wrong things have become.
“I have boobs,” whimpers Baekhyun, eyes wide. “Oh my god, my dick is gone.” He cups his breasts through his oversized sweatshirt, still staring at himself. Or herself. Because he’s a girl. He’s turned into a girl. He must be dreaming. Or crazy. Maybe both. Crazy dreaming. Because people don’t just go around turning into girls.
“One hell of a dream,” breathes Baekhyun, tugging at the waistline of his boxers to check with a little peek. “I’m a girl. I’m… apparently in the SNSD dorm. I’m… a member of SNSD?”
He touches his boobs again, just to make sure. Yep, definitely real.
“Baekhyun,” comes a roar, sounding terrifyingly like a very displeased Taeyeon, “wake up now.”
“Coming,” squeaks out Baekhyun, and he jumps out of bed, knees wobbling when he lands on unfamiliar feet, eyes bugging out when he catches sight of himself in a mirror on the cupboard. “Wow, I’m hot.” He casually checks himself out, sliding a hand down the small of his back, resting his palm on his hip, skimming his fingertips across the soft curve of his ass.
Well, if he’s going to be stuck like this until god knows when, he might as well enjoy it, right?
Baekhyun whistles cheerfully, flips his hair over his shoulder, and struts out the door.
나무
jongdae and lu han tweak the wolf choreo for fanservice at mama 2013. they regret it instantly. based on this delightfully tension-inducing gif, and this fancam.
lu han/jongdae | pg-13
708w
for andy as thanks for showing me the gif in the first place.
It’s innocent enough, how it happens.
“The fans will think it’s cute,” says Jongdae, leaning against the mirrors in the dance studio during one of their breaks, “they like that kind of thing, don’t they?”
And Lu Han has to admit, he gets a kick out of fanservice just as much as the squealing crowds do. It’s slightly exhilarating, with the way a single brush of skin or a feather-light touch can send screams echoing throughout the air.
The concert hall is packed with thousands, the air thick with noise. Sweat rolls down all of their faces like waterfalls as they make careful steps, feet in time with the beat, moving to choreography they know well enough to do in their sleep. The remix has minimal changes made to the dance, the most pronounced being Jongin’s twenty-three second dance break, while the rest of them crouch on the ground, fingers splayed across a floor with flashing yellow and red lights. The bridge comes in with a little piano prelude, and Lu Han gets ready to switch positions.
Turning around, he comes face to face with Jongdae, who scuttles forward and meets his hands with his own, pressing the tips of their fingers together. Lu Han can’t help the little smile that appears on his face, even as he’s concentrating on the choreography. He can hear the fans closer to their side scream, and it makes Jongdae grin brilliantly back at him.
Standing up along with the rest of the members, going into their double tree formation, Lu Han pushes his hands upwards, and goes into the swaying motion, arms automatically falling in place. It seems that the moment has passed, until he glances up at Jongdae and the realisation of the lack of space between them hits him so suddenly that the smile drops from his features, and he breathes heavily, oh god, could they be standing any closer together?
Jongdae seems to have caught it too, the only part of their little plan not thought out too well, as they’re standing way closer than the rest of the members are, foreheads nearly bumping as their arms move in synchronicity.
A curious feeling begins to burn up the back of his spine, a strange heat licking away that can’t be mistaken for the glare of the spotlights, and Lu Han attempts to will it away in horror, determinedly not looking at Jongdae’s face, wishing for the next position change to come quicker, and he can’t help but notice now how their feet are shuffled so close together that their lower halves are nearly touching, and no, no, no, they’re on stage, performing, and this is not an appropriate time or place at all for Lu Han to get aroused, not at all.
He’s ridiculously thankful for when the bare ten-second line ends, and they shift sideways to take a hold of each other’s wrists, dropping backwards. Their knees are touching, and Lu Han has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from thinking about it, and when Jongdae pulls back to shift into his line, he moves to face the other way, leaving Lu Han to face his back.
Lu Han rubs at his eyes a second, not daring to look at Jongdae just yet, and it’s when Jongdae moves out of the formation to saunter upstage and belt out his words into the microphone taped to his jaw, Lu Han exhales deeply, and flings himself into the next part of the choreography, pushing aside all thoughts of Jongdae for now.
It’s later, much later, when they’re back at their hotel, exhausted and reaching for their pillows without even thinking about it, that Lu Han switches rooms with Yixing and locks the door behind him. Jongdae approaches him without hesitation, not even phased by the turn of events.
It takes nothing more than the soft press of Jongdae’s palm against his chest to make Lu Han shove Jongdae up against the bed, the backs of his knees hitting the edge. Lu Han rests their foreheads together, lodges his thigh up between Jongdae’s with a breathless whine, and sucks at his tongue insistently, even as warm, wanting fingertips burn down the knobs of his own spine.
happy valentine's day, kids.
may u all get the d.
or the v.
whichever tickles ur fancy (if u kno what i mean).
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)