bob-omb.
pairing: sehun/jongin
rating: pg
wordcount: 807w
warnings: almost!crack, implied!mpreg but it never really comes up
summary: in which sehun and jongin cannot decide the name of their child.
notes: for this prompt on the exopromptmeme. written really quickly so i'm sorry if it's not crack-y enough omfg.
"So, what's its name?" asks Chanyeol, peering at the tiny little thing in Jongin's arms. It wiggles a chubby fist at him. "Are you guys naming it after me?"
"First of all, it's a she," says Jongin crossly, "and we haven't decided."
"Please don't let Chanyeol name your baby," says Kyungsoo, walking into the kitchen. "Please just don't let anyone else name your baby." He pauses and glances at them. "On second thought, maybe no one should name the baby, knowing you guys."
"We can't not name our child!" cries Sehun.
"Then?" prompts Kyungsoo.
Sehun looks visibly dubious. "We'll just call her something else while we think of it."
"How about Jongin Jr.?" suggests Jongin, and Sehun flicks him in the forehead. "Ow! Okay, not that."
"Call it The Thing," says Baekhyun.
"Sehun 2.0," calls Jongdae from somewhere else.
"None of those are girl names!" Sehun sighs. "For the time being, we shall refer to her as 'The Child.' It's perfectly safe and gender-neutral."
Everyone makes a face. "That's so typical and boring," complains Jongin.
"For now," adds Yixing.
"Okay, check this out," says Jongin. He flops onto the bed where Sehun is feeding The Child from a bottle, and he pulls up a website on his laptop. "Tada."
"Baby Name Roulette," reads Sehun, eyebrows furrowing, "relax and let fate decide? Hell no! There's no way I'm letting some website determine my daughter's name."
"Let's just try it out," says Jongin, and he clicks the button. "Janice Brenna."
"No."
"Trinity Kenya."
"No."
"Felicity Cassidy."
"Why are all of these Western names?"
Jongin shrugs.
Sehun kicks him off the bed.
"I have the greatest idea ever," declares Jongdae as he walks into the Kim-Oh residence that week, and pulls out his laptop.
"No," groans Sehun, currently in the middle of changing The Child's diaper, "no more randomizers, please."
"No, listen, this is even better." Jongdae opens up a website. "See, you just let 4Chan name your baby according to the doubles or triples you roll when you post! Even better, because these are real people naming your baby!"
Sehun considers this. "Has this been done before?"
"Sure it has!" says Jongdae cheerfully, and he opens up a tab. "See, this guy said that whoever rolled this pair of doubles could name his child, and he followed through! OP delivered! OP usually never delivers! But he did!"
"What did they name her?" asks Jongin casually.
"Oh, nothing special. Courage Wolf Harper."
Sehun screeches, "Get out of my house."
They're awoken at night to the sound of The Child bawling her lungs out, and Jongin fumbles around in the dark wildly. "Sehun," he mumbles, "you're the mother, go check on her."
"Fuck you," says Sehun, voice muffled into his pillow, "it's your turn tonight. If you don't go then I'm withholding sex for the rest of the week."
Jongin rises from his bed like a zombie from the dead, and trudges off to the nursery.
"We should name you after the lead singer of a metal band," he mutters, patting The Child's back as he carries her. "You're definitely loud enough. How does Tarja sound?"
"I heard that," trails Sehun's voice from their bedroom.
Kyungsoo sighs. "Why can't you just name her something normal? Like Jiyeon, or Kyuri, or Minyoung?"
"It has to be special," says Jongin, tearing his hair out over baby name books. "We can't let her have the same name as thousands of other people!"
"Naming her things like Kimbap won't help either." Kyungsoo shakes his head. "And you can't keep calling her The Child forever, you know."
Jongin looks hopeful. "Can't we?"
"Okay, I can't do this anymore." Jongin chucks the baby name book out of the window. "Let's just pick something random and go with it."
"You're right," says Sehun. "Let's name her after your mom."
"No thanks," says Jongin immediately. "How about your mom?"
"Exactly why I suggested your mom in the first place." Sehun ponders. "How about we name her after something from when we conceived her?"
"Like what?" Jongin blinks. "Dick?"
"That's a boy's name." Sehun snaps his fingers. "I know!"
"So," starts Lu Han slowly, "you named your daughter... after an alcoholic drink?"
"Yep," says Jongin proudly, holding his daughter steadily on his lap. "Isn't it genius?"
"Pensacola Bushwacker is not something you can name your child!" says Kyungsoo from the corner, having been reduced to fainting after initially hearing The Child's new name. "Oh, dear god."
"We can always call her Penny for short!"
"How is that better than Courage Wolf Harper," grumbles Jongdae from where he's busy beating Baekhyun at Super Mario Kart.
"It's better than what Kris named his son, at least," says Yixing, and everyone has to agree at that. "Poor kid."
"He's got a lot to live up to," says Jongdae sadly. "Poor little Ayo Waddup."
forgive me fml.
rating: pg
wordcount: 807w
warnings: almost!crack, implied!mpreg but it never really comes up
summary: in which sehun and jongin cannot decide the name of their child.
notes: for this prompt on the exopromptmeme. written really quickly so i'm sorry if it's not crack-y enough omfg.
"So, what's its name?" asks Chanyeol, peering at the tiny little thing in Jongin's arms. It wiggles a chubby fist at him. "Are you guys naming it after me?"
"First of all, it's a she," says Jongin crossly, "and we haven't decided."
"Please don't let Chanyeol name your baby," says Kyungsoo, walking into the kitchen. "Please just don't let anyone else name your baby." He pauses and glances at them. "On second thought, maybe no one should name the baby, knowing you guys."
"We can't not name our child!" cries Sehun.
"Then?" prompts Kyungsoo.
Sehun looks visibly dubious. "We'll just call her something else while we think of it."
"How about Jongin Jr.?" suggests Jongin, and Sehun flicks him in the forehead. "Ow! Okay, not that."
"Call it The Thing," says Baekhyun.
"Sehun 2.0," calls Jongdae from somewhere else.
"None of those are girl names!" Sehun sighs. "For the time being, we shall refer to her as 'The Child.' It's perfectly safe and gender-neutral."
Everyone makes a face. "That's so typical and boring," complains Jongin.
"For now," adds Yixing.
"Okay, check this out," says Jongin. He flops onto the bed where Sehun is feeding The Child from a bottle, and he pulls up a website on his laptop. "Tada."
"Baby Name Roulette," reads Sehun, eyebrows furrowing, "relax and let fate decide? Hell no! There's no way I'm letting some website determine my daughter's name."
"Let's just try it out," says Jongin, and he clicks the button. "Janice Brenna."
"No."
"Trinity Kenya."
"No."
"Felicity Cassidy."
"Why are all of these Western names?"
Jongin shrugs.
Sehun kicks him off the bed.
"I have the greatest idea ever," declares Jongdae as he walks into the Kim-Oh residence that week, and pulls out his laptop.
"No," groans Sehun, currently in the middle of changing The Child's diaper, "no more randomizers, please."
"No, listen, this is even better." Jongdae opens up a website. "See, you just let 4Chan name your baby according to the doubles or triples you roll when you post! Even better, because these are real people naming your baby!"
Sehun considers this. "Has this been done before?"
"Sure it has!" says Jongdae cheerfully, and he opens up a tab. "See, this guy said that whoever rolled this pair of doubles could name his child, and he followed through! OP delivered! OP usually never delivers! But he did!"
"What did they name her?" asks Jongin casually.
"Oh, nothing special. Courage Wolf Harper."
Sehun screeches, "Get out of my house."
They're awoken at night to the sound of The Child bawling her lungs out, and Jongin fumbles around in the dark wildly. "Sehun," he mumbles, "you're the mother, go check on her."
"Fuck you," says Sehun, voice muffled into his pillow, "it's your turn tonight. If you don't go then I'm withholding sex for the rest of the week."
Jongin rises from his bed like a zombie from the dead, and trudges off to the nursery.
"We should name you after the lead singer of a metal band," he mutters, patting The Child's back as he carries her. "You're definitely loud enough. How does Tarja sound?"
"I heard that," trails Sehun's voice from their bedroom.
Kyungsoo sighs. "Why can't you just name her something normal? Like Jiyeon, or Kyuri, or Minyoung?"
"It has to be special," says Jongin, tearing his hair out over baby name books. "We can't let her have the same name as thousands of other people!"
"Naming her things like Kimbap won't help either." Kyungsoo shakes his head. "And you can't keep calling her The Child forever, you know."
Jongin looks hopeful. "Can't we?"
"Okay, I can't do this anymore." Jongin chucks the baby name book out of the window. "Let's just pick something random and go with it."
"You're right," says Sehun. "Let's name her after your mom."
"No thanks," says Jongin immediately. "How about your mom?"
"Exactly why I suggested your mom in the first place." Sehun ponders. "How about we name her after something from when we conceived her?"
"Like what?" Jongin blinks. "Dick?"
"That's a boy's name." Sehun snaps his fingers. "I know!"
"So," starts Lu Han slowly, "you named your daughter... after an alcoholic drink?"
"Yep," says Jongin proudly, holding his daughter steadily on his lap. "Isn't it genius?"
"Pensacola Bushwacker is not something you can name your child!" says Kyungsoo from the corner, having been reduced to fainting after initially hearing The Child's new name. "Oh, dear god."
"We can always call her Penny for short!"
"How is that better than Courage Wolf Harper," grumbles Jongdae from where he's busy beating Baekhyun at Super Mario Kart.
"It's better than what Kris named his son, at least," says Yixing, and everyone has to agree at that. "Poor kid."
"He's got a lot to live up to," says Jongdae sadly. "Poor little Ayo Waddup."
forgive me fml.