Strangly awake
Hm...I suppose anyone reading this will have to excuse any typo or error of any kind. Apparently, I cannot get to sleep (probably do to the lack of sleeping pills, which I am probably addicticed to, although they are 'non-habit forming') and it is frustrating! I don't think I ever had the displeasure of feeling like this in recent memory. I'm tired, but...All of a sudden, I got this feeling like I HAD to get up. I am VERY tired, yet I could not sleep for the two hours I laid in my bed, no matter how much I tried to relax. I haven't been taking my pills like i should have (I have ran out of pain pills, migrain pills, and sleeping pills) and I really don't like how I am so dependent on them that I cannot function properly without taking them for more than a day. (Last night I slept after two doses of melatonin and had a terrible time of it! Hard to get to sleep, stay asleep and even when sleeping, it was not pleasant! Imagine!) So, I might talk to my mom about it and go to the good ol' doc. Who knows?
I wanted to add something, but in my fatigue, forgot...
Oh! After about five minutes of staring it came back to me. -.-;
I went to Wal*Mart today, blew about 30 bucks, and realized something. I know I joke a lot about being old, and being crippled, but I think today it really hit me. I had crouched down to get something off of a bottom shelf, something I used to, even as far as a few months ago, have very little trouble doing. However, on my way to get back up, my knees almost failed. I'm at a tender age of 18. I have no structural problems with my joints nor am I arthritic. I dare say that it is not my weight because I used to be able to do this, and my weight, although a lot, has been constant for awhile. My friends thought I was kidding when I had to wait a moment, then force myself to stand up. I'm becoming seriously concerned that our jokes might be true. If I'm doing so poorly at 18, how will I fair at 21, or 30 or 45, or any other age? I don't like to dwell on that thought. I always imagined myself as an empowered person who took charge readily and could handle anything, enjoying life and all chalanges and surprizes equally. My new image is not anything remotely like that prior thought. How will my health fair next month, 6 months from now? If I have went from someone who could easily stand and walk for hours at a time and even enjoy it, to someone who can barely complete a round at wal*mart without feeling that stiffening of the back or popping of the joints, or even having to rest my 'old bones' in less than a year, then how worse off will I be in another year? The thought is unsettling.
It seems that insomnia makes you think...Hm.
I wanted to add something, but in my fatigue, forgot...
Oh! After about five minutes of staring it came back to me. -.-;
I went to Wal*Mart today, blew about 30 bucks, and realized something. I know I joke a lot about being old, and being crippled, but I think today it really hit me. I had crouched down to get something off of a bottom shelf, something I used to, even as far as a few months ago, have very little trouble doing. However, on my way to get back up, my knees almost failed. I'm at a tender age of 18. I have no structural problems with my joints nor am I arthritic. I dare say that it is not my weight because I used to be able to do this, and my weight, although a lot, has been constant for awhile. My friends thought I was kidding when I had to wait a moment, then force myself to stand up. I'm becoming seriously concerned that our jokes might be true. If I'm doing so poorly at 18, how will I fair at 21, or 30 or 45, or any other age? I don't like to dwell on that thought. I always imagined myself as an empowered person who took charge readily and could handle anything, enjoying life and all chalanges and surprizes equally. My new image is not anything remotely like that prior thought. How will my health fair next month, 6 months from now? If I have went from someone who could easily stand and walk for hours at a time and even enjoy it, to someone who can barely complete a round at wal*mart without feeling that stiffening of the back or popping of the joints, or even having to rest my 'old bones' in less than a year, then how worse off will I be in another year? The thought is unsettling.
It seems that insomnia makes you think...Hm.