I can't seem to find my soul...?
Soul-searching.
How do you define soul-searching?
They told us to do that at drum major clinics. I don't even know how to go about it...but I guess it's sort of the kind of thing where you can't really just pack your spiritual bags and go find yourself in the woods somewhere. I guess it sort of has to happen on its own. I just hope that happens before 2:30 pm on May 24, 2007.
The thing is: I've been trying to search for myself for a long time now. Granted, it's probably not as long or as involved as other people maybe, but it's definitely resulted in a lot of new realizations of who I am and who I want to be. I know what I want to do with my life. I know my long-term goals, and my short-term goals as well. For example:
~Pass the AP exam in American History with at least a 3, but preferably a 4. This would be extremely pleasing.
~Audition for drum major. The ultimate result would be to actually get it...but if I don't, life goes on.
~Be accepted into Civic. It's actually becoming a possibility because of my recent, seemingly unspurred spate of motivation to practice my excerpts once in a while.
~Be happy with myself. This one's a little more complicated; lately I just seem to have all these little bouts of EMO. Like where it feels fake to smile. It's an awful feeling to have, but it's not like you can just make yourself be happy.
So these are my short-term goals. Long-term is a little more private at this point.
But I guess things are going well for me right now. Sure, I failed a chemistry test, but I still have an A in the class (I think...). I actually pulled my grade in trig up from a 77% to a 92%, and I'm REALLY proud of myself for that.
But I don't personally think academic success defines me as a person. Sure, I'm happy about it, but it's not like it's helping me in the process of soul-searching.
While writing this entry, I think I kind of realized what defines people.
1. The people you surround yourself with. They impact you in ways immeasurable to human intelligence, and in ways most people don't ever realize.
2. The things you occupy yourself with. For example, I play the oboe. That is basically all I do, and I think it defines me as a person in that I have learned over the past 5 years how to truly express myself through music. Self-expression is possibly the most accessible way to one's soul, I believe.
3. Morals. I don't personally feel that activities such as smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or selling sex are going to help me in the long run or define me as a person. I do realize that there are people who feel that engaging in those activities is going to make them happy, and I'm not about to try to stop them. It's a little thing called personal opinion: I think what I think, and you may think something different. And that's okay. People shouldn't try to change other people's morals, because then they're just changing who the person really is and that's not going to make anyone happy. "Morals" fall under several categories, including religion, politics, and society. And people are going to think what they want to think, and they're going to believe what they want to believe. DON'T TRY TO STOP IT.
Now, of course, this is all completely my opinion. And you don't have to agree with it, and I'm not going to try to make you agree with it. But this has definitely provided me with an outlet for my emotions...and I'm one step closer to really discovering myself.
AP Exam tomorrow morning! Good luck everyone who's taking it! And good luck to everyone who's taking all the other AP's too. :] Peace out.
How do you define soul-searching?
They told us to do that at drum major clinics. I don't even know how to go about it...but I guess it's sort of the kind of thing where you can't really just pack your spiritual bags and go find yourself in the woods somewhere. I guess it sort of has to happen on its own. I just hope that happens before 2:30 pm on May 24, 2007.
The thing is: I've been trying to search for myself for a long time now. Granted, it's probably not as long or as involved as other people maybe, but it's definitely resulted in a lot of new realizations of who I am and who I want to be. I know what I want to do with my life. I know my long-term goals, and my short-term goals as well. For example:
~Pass the AP exam in American History with at least a 3, but preferably a 4. This would be extremely pleasing.
~Audition for drum major. The ultimate result would be to actually get it...but if I don't, life goes on.
~Be accepted into Civic. It's actually becoming a possibility because of my recent, seemingly unspurred spate of motivation to practice my excerpts once in a while.
~Be happy with myself. This one's a little more complicated; lately I just seem to have all these little bouts of EMO. Like where it feels fake to smile. It's an awful feeling to have, but it's not like you can just make yourself be happy.
So these are my short-term goals. Long-term is a little more private at this point.
But I guess things are going well for me right now. Sure, I failed a chemistry test, but I still have an A in the class (I think...). I actually pulled my grade in trig up from a 77% to a 92%, and I'm REALLY proud of myself for that.
But I don't personally think academic success defines me as a person. Sure, I'm happy about it, but it's not like it's helping me in the process of soul-searching.
While writing this entry, I think I kind of realized what defines people.
1. The people you surround yourself with. They impact you in ways immeasurable to human intelligence, and in ways most people don't ever realize.
2. The things you occupy yourself with. For example, I play the oboe. That is basically all I do, and I think it defines me as a person in that I have learned over the past 5 years how to truly express myself through music. Self-expression is possibly the most accessible way to one's soul, I believe.
3. Morals. I don't personally feel that activities such as smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or selling sex are going to help me in the long run or define me as a person. I do realize that there are people who feel that engaging in those activities is going to make them happy, and I'm not about to try to stop them. It's a little thing called personal opinion: I think what I think, and you may think something different. And that's okay. People shouldn't try to change other people's morals, because then they're just changing who the person really is and that's not going to make anyone happy. "Morals" fall under several categories, including religion, politics, and society. And people are going to think what they want to think, and they're going to believe what they want to believe. DON'T TRY TO STOP IT.
Now, of course, this is all completely my opinion. And you don't have to agree with it, and I'm not going to try to make you agree with it. But this has definitely provided me with an outlet for my emotions...and I'm one step closer to really discovering myself.
AP Exam tomorrow morning! Good luck everyone who's taking it! And good luck to everyone who's taking all the other AP's too. :] Peace out.