This is really hard on me it seems
I'm finally in a place where eveyone has the same types of interest, but I'm having trouble with myself more than I am with others. I've managed to surround myself with alot of people who are just better at drawing than I am and it gets discouraging from time to time. While I've gotten better I still have a long way to go and that scares me. Where some of the poeple are at right now there is no way a company would choose me over them after graduation, and while the teachers say that this school isn't trying to put us against each other, if you're not good enough in this market you don't get the job or could be replaced. I don't want to go through life not being good enough, and I get discouraged almost as much as I do inspired by my friends up here. It seems like it's a constant struggle, and I have to overcome it every time I wake up and start drawing. One of the sayings up here is "You have to draw 10,000 bad drawings before you can start drawing how you want. So get drawing." I think I still have a ways off to even comming close.
I donno. I'm just scared to be honest with everyone. I have plenty of friends who have jobs, can support themself and others, and are doing things on their own; yet, everytime I tried I failed in life, and I don't want to have to rely on anyone ever again. I'm 26 now, still single, and still not finished with school. I feel like I'm really slow in life. It was horrible the first time and I don't even want to think what it would be like if I ever had to go through it again. It's not that I didn't like the people, on the contrary it made me even closer to them that I would have thought, but it hurt me inside. It felt wrong the whole time and I hated not being able to take care of myself. Yes, it made me feel less like a man, a person, and a friend.
So even though it's late I did find a new years resolution I want to work toward. Drawing....drawing so much I can't affoard paper. Drawing so much my fingers hurt. I want to look back at the end of this year and feel satisfied with what I have done instead of every other year and wishing things had been different. I hate regretting things because there is nothing I can do about them now no matter how much I want to. It's hard to balance looking forward and looking back and not getting focussed too much on either.
Yes, much more drawing.
I donno. I'm just scared to be honest with everyone. I have plenty of friends who have jobs, can support themself and others, and are doing things on their own; yet, everytime I tried I failed in life, and I don't want to have to rely on anyone ever again. I'm 26 now, still single, and still not finished with school. I feel like I'm really slow in life. It was horrible the first time and I don't even want to think what it would be like if I ever had to go through it again. It's not that I didn't like the people, on the contrary it made me even closer to them that I would have thought, but it hurt me inside. It felt wrong the whole time and I hated not being able to take care of myself. Yes, it made me feel less like a man, a person, and a friend.
So even though it's late I did find a new years resolution I want to work toward. Drawing....drawing so much I can't affoard paper. Drawing so much my fingers hurt. I want to look back at the end of this year and feel satisfied with what I have done instead of every other year and wishing things had been different. I hate regretting things because there is nothing I can do about them now no matter how much I want to. It's hard to balance looking forward and looking back and not getting focussed too much on either.
Yes, much more drawing.