Good lord.
Okay, I've just arrived back home after watching Grindhouse. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this movie, it's actually a rather unique little creation - two films, screened back-to-back, inspired by the classic 'grindhouse' movies of the past. The two films are Planet Terror, by Robert Rodriguez, and Death Proof, by Quentin Tarantino. They're joined together by several fake trailers for non-existent (and it is a shame that they're non-existent) films.
Now, what I'm going to recommend in terms of watching Grindhouse is something I'd never think I'd be saying about a film. If what I'm about to describe appeals to you, then you need to go see this movie, and then walk out in the middle of it. It's the only way to enjoy it.
That said, Planet Terror is awesome. It's a zombie movie, filled with all the carnage, violence, explosions, one-liners, and raging whirlwinds of gory chaos that one should expect from the genre, only better. It's like every zombie/B-grade horror movie you've ever seen, but it's somehow fantastically new and wondrous, with more insane destruction than you can believe. It's got some moments of sheer brilliance, as well as mutated face-melting glory. In short, it's like they took a look at all my immature, childish dreams for an action movie, and decided to make that movie. It's a thing of hideous, hilarious, horrific beauty, and my life is all the richer for having experienced it.
Sound like fun? Go see it. Go see it, and stare agape at the sheer testosterone-drenched insanity of at all. I loved it so, though I know it will never, ever be for everyone - and that may include you, so be forewarned.
Death Proof, on the other hand, doesn't even belong in the same ballpark, let alone the same theater. In fact, it belongs in some alternate dimension of suck. It's... god, it just sucks. It's not like it's without its moments, but then again, few films are without any redeeming characteristics. Thing is, you shouldn't have to sit through an hour and a half of brain-searing suck for about two minutes of cool. I really don't know where to begin - it's just such a letdown on every level that it threatens to consume Planet Terror in its unholy maelstrom of terribleness.
In another venue, on its own, Death Proof might just have been a boring, unimpressive cinematic blip. Here, though, it takes on a life of its own, mutating like some wretched monstrosity from beyond the stars. This is something you have to understand in order to fully fathom my hatred for this film: its existence next to Planet Terror literally threatens that zombie-riffic masterpiece. By being placed side-by-side, it gains the potential to infect and warp the awesome, unpretentious fun that was Planet Terror with its high-concept, low-grade, good-for-nothing crap.
It's as if the two films were vehicles, traveling across the screen together, and one of them was infested with writhing, demonic tentacles, and it was threatening to grab and derail the other car, which was not only traveling along just fine on its own, but is also a beautiful, awesome car! Wouldn't you want to do something to protect that pristine car and all its happy passengers? Such is the source of my Death Proof loathing.
So there you have it. Grindhouse is a unique experience, and one that I believe you should only sit through a little over half of (head out once Death Proof begins). Again, I must reiterate that Planet Terror isn't for everyone - it's dumb, loud, and full of madness, but damnit, it's also fun. It's having so much fun with itself that I'm smiling just thinking about it.
Anyway, I believe I've ranted/raved about this sucker quite long enough. I hope you found this little review of mine informative or - at the very least - entertaining. That's all I've got for the moment, so... have a pleasant evening, all!
Now, what I'm going to recommend in terms of watching Grindhouse is something I'd never think I'd be saying about a film. If what I'm about to describe appeals to you, then you need to go see this movie, and then walk out in the middle of it. It's the only way to enjoy it.
That said, Planet Terror is awesome. It's a zombie movie, filled with all the carnage, violence, explosions, one-liners, and raging whirlwinds of gory chaos that one should expect from the genre, only better. It's like every zombie/B-grade horror movie you've ever seen, but it's somehow fantastically new and wondrous, with more insane destruction than you can believe. It's got some moments of sheer brilliance, as well as mutated face-melting glory. In short, it's like they took a look at all my immature, childish dreams for an action movie, and decided to make that movie. It's a thing of hideous, hilarious, horrific beauty, and my life is all the richer for having experienced it.
Sound like fun? Go see it. Go see it, and stare agape at the sheer testosterone-drenched insanity of at all. I loved it so, though I know it will never, ever be for everyone - and that may include you, so be forewarned.
Death Proof, on the other hand, doesn't even belong in the same ballpark, let alone the same theater. In fact, it belongs in some alternate dimension of suck. It's... god, it just sucks. It's not like it's without its moments, but then again, few films are without any redeeming characteristics. Thing is, you shouldn't have to sit through an hour and a half of brain-searing suck for about two minutes of cool. I really don't know where to begin - it's just such a letdown on every level that it threatens to consume Planet Terror in its unholy maelstrom of terribleness.
In another venue, on its own, Death Proof might just have been a boring, unimpressive cinematic blip. Here, though, it takes on a life of its own, mutating like some wretched monstrosity from beyond the stars. This is something you have to understand in order to fully fathom my hatred for this film: its existence next to Planet Terror literally threatens that zombie-riffic masterpiece. By being placed side-by-side, it gains the potential to infect and warp the awesome, unpretentious fun that was Planet Terror with its high-concept, low-grade, good-for-nothing crap.
It's as if the two films were vehicles, traveling across the screen together, and one of them was infested with writhing, demonic tentacles, and it was threatening to grab and derail the other car, which was not only traveling along just fine on its own, but is also a beautiful, awesome car! Wouldn't you want to do something to protect that pristine car and all its happy passengers? Such is the source of my Death Proof loathing.
So there you have it. Grindhouse is a unique experience, and one that I believe you should only sit through a little over half of (head out once Death Proof begins). Again, I must reiterate that Planet Terror isn't for everyone - it's dumb, loud, and full of madness, but damnit, it's also fun. It's having so much fun with itself that I'm smiling just thinking about it.
Anyway, I believe I've ranted/raved about this sucker quite long enough. I hope you found this little review of mine informative or - at the very least - entertaining. That's all I've got for the moment, so... have a pleasant evening, all!