(no subject)
Oh how I hate these sleepless nights.
When I'm able to doze off, I'm plagued by violent nightmares. I'm noticing bruises all over, and I'm waking up sore everywhere. Signs that I'm actually fighting in my sleep. All this talk of murder, suicide, death, abandonement, it's all coming out in my dreams. I hate it. I'm sitting here exhausted, so bloody tired, and I'm too frightened by what may come, to go to bed.
Mom has more tests Friday. I hate this. If anyone has ever lost a parent, or come close to losing one, you know what I'm going through.
On top of that, Denise is moving to L.A. in January.
And now I'm going to be all alone in Sheridan, which is all right, it just came as a shock. I'm thinking I might just stay here and go to Mohawk. I'll make my descision based on how Mom's doing when the time comes to accept somewhere.
All in all though, I'm proud of myself. Depressed as I am, I'm getting out of bed, functioning as a normal human being, and living my life well as I can. I'm even in a band...but that's more as a favour to a friend.
School isn't going very well...but all I need is to graduate. I know I can do that. Bahnam said he won't let me fail, that I've already done enough work to pass. All I need is to pass my exam, and I'll be fine. Writer's Craft I'm not sure about. I haven't written much lately...first depression where I didn't write up a storm. A lot of it has to do with feeling too inferior to write anything decent. Every idea I get, there's this little voice that says 'that's a dumb idea, you don't know how to write'. I think I'm going to try to sit down for a half an hour every day and force myself to write something.
Speaking of forcing...time to go force myself to endure the tortures that are my dreams.
Goodnight
When I'm able to doze off, I'm plagued by violent nightmares. I'm noticing bruises all over, and I'm waking up sore everywhere. Signs that I'm actually fighting in my sleep. All this talk of murder, suicide, death, abandonement, it's all coming out in my dreams. I hate it. I'm sitting here exhausted, so bloody tired, and I'm too frightened by what may come, to go to bed.
Mom has more tests Friday. I hate this. If anyone has ever lost a parent, or come close to losing one, you know what I'm going through.
On top of that, Denise is moving to L.A. in January.
And now I'm going to be all alone in Sheridan, which is all right, it just came as a shock. I'm thinking I might just stay here and go to Mohawk. I'll make my descision based on how Mom's doing when the time comes to accept somewhere.
All in all though, I'm proud of myself. Depressed as I am, I'm getting out of bed, functioning as a normal human being, and living my life well as I can. I'm even in a band...but that's more as a favour to a friend.
School isn't going very well...but all I need is to graduate. I know I can do that. Bahnam said he won't let me fail, that I've already done enough work to pass. All I need is to pass my exam, and I'll be fine. Writer's Craft I'm not sure about. I haven't written much lately...first depression where I didn't write up a storm. A lot of it has to do with feeling too inferior to write anything decent. Every idea I get, there's this little voice that says 'that's a dumb idea, you don't know how to write'. I think I'm going to try to sit down for a half an hour every day and force myself to write something.
Speaking of forcing...time to go force myself to endure the tortures that are my dreams.
Goodnight