Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Work, Part 5
( Previously. Recap: University sysadmin.)
- Install signs of any description next to the building's motorized rotating doors.
- ... Especially labels that read, "It is perfectly safe to walk through this device."
- ... Especially when the label can only be read after stepping inside.
- Grief the undergraduates on the Minecraft server they're running on one of the Departmental interactive shell machines.
- Maintain a list of things that ${BOSS_SYSADMIN} is not allowed to do at work.
- Violate Eschaton Clause Three.
- Make clear that when I'm talking about simple alternatives to manipulating git history, that I'm referring to the revision control tools of that name, rather than the Helpdesk manager.
- "I am altering your disk quota. Pray I do not alter it any further."
- Answer queries of the form "What am I doing wrong?" with the response, "Would you like an enumerated list?"
- I shall not refer to the handcrank used for locking / unlocking room partitions as the Education Stick.
- Zero /etc/passwd on a clueless user's computer so that they can't log in -- causing the console to print "You don't exist. Go away." when they try to reboot via CTRL-ALT-DEL...
- Unload a CO2 fire-extinguisher on people standing next to a 'No Smoking' sign while puffing on a cigarette.
- Use the Justice Field episode of Red Dwarf as a model for how best to educate / punish users that try to do evil things. Such as wipe another user's home directory..
- Configure my workstation to run interesting screensavers with a short time-out, as they may have the effect of diverting the attention of senior members of the department when they stop by my desk to talk to me.
- ... or get them to sign-off on pay-rises or changes in effective responsibility while they're cognitively distracted.
- ... Also, stop trying to take over Security operations. We said 'no'.