Hmm, symphony, too long, feeling really happy about stuff
Hey All,
OK, so I haven't blogged in ages! Yeah, like wow, OMG...LOL! Been spending a lot of my time on facebook, but I can't post paragraph upon paragraph there. Well, I could use notes, but that just doesn't feel quite right.
So, um, yeah, been traveling, buying a new house, figuring out the universe. Lots of weird and wonderful things have come my way. Got kicked out of TryAngles a while ago and was actually happy about it.... it was a clear message that the bar posing is a bunch of BS that I really don't need. Somewhere, I started growing up and don't need that anymore.
Of course Burning Man happened and was a treat beyond repair. It left me just as confused and amazed as ever. Moreso confused, tho. It wasn't until we traveled for decompressions that my existence as a ranger made sense. SF was a bit confusing, but I realize now, I don't entirely get the SF crowd. Its something much different than where I'm at in my life.....some kind of proving of something, shoving match, or ego assertion that doesn't work for me. Then there was Portland, where I spent the entire weekend in a daze full of a sea of well-adjusted people. My first night there was spent gushing over the friends we were staying with.....and it just went uphill from there. I've never felt more loved and welcomed and appreciated than I did in Portland, which is a major change from Seattle.
So, now I'm here with a new home that we're both working hard on, the same job, and a new outlook. Last night was spent with a friend and her friends having a ball. Again, a great bunch of real, well-adjusted people. Downright odd from what I have known to exist thus far.
I'm pretty sure the universe is telling me that its AOK to be content, happy, and well-adjusted. It feels almost alien to realize it, but its true....there is no reason I shouldn't be content.
I'm still trying to leave Amedica. The situation just isn't working for me. The new building is nice and I really like having my own space and department, but at the end of the day, the spectres of politics really get to me. Not to mention managing people.....seriously, I said to myself on Friday, "If only I could just do engineering and chemistry and not have to worry about people, my life would be perfect...." I've found all sorts of fascinating jobs, but none pay worth a crap, or I'm not a Ph.D.....and given my experiences with them, I don't want to become one. Of course I say that now, and one day I'll be just that and doing it on my own terms.....much like being a ranger, and a green dot on top of that.
So back to Frisco, I'm feeling vain again, apparently. Went for a haircut, nose wax (yeah it hurt like hell but was worth it), and eyebrow wax. And its odd, that lil' bit made me beam all over the Castro....even turned some pretty hot Daddy and Silverfox heads.... I probably would have without the aesteticianizing, but I think it helped.
On that note, I've noticed a lot of my insecurity has gone away, too. A lot of it has to do with the sexual adventures of late...feeling strong enough to say, "Hey, I want this" or "No, I don't want this" and making the consequences clear. I do have to get and HIV test in December as a result, but I'm not too worried about that. Its really weird to be at that point where I can look at everything and say its OK one way or the other.
I keep coming back to being well-adjusted, tho. Its been that happy space and time I've strived for, for so long. Its an inner peace, for lack of a better description, where not much matters.....maybe a bit self-centered, but not really. Its that moment, time, and space where I realize my own happiness is paramount and I must ensure it.
blah, blah, blah.....I could keep going, but it feels like I've written a novel already.
Lotsa Love,
Jacob
OK, so I haven't blogged in ages! Yeah, like wow, OMG...LOL! Been spending a lot of my time on facebook, but I can't post paragraph upon paragraph there. Well, I could use notes, but that just doesn't feel quite right.
So, um, yeah, been traveling, buying a new house, figuring out the universe. Lots of weird and wonderful things have come my way. Got kicked out of TryAngles a while ago and was actually happy about it.... it was a clear message that the bar posing is a bunch of BS that I really don't need. Somewhere, I started growing up and don't need that anymore.
Of course Burning Man happened and was a treat beyond repair. It left me just as confused and amazed as ever. Moreso confused, tho. It wasn't until we traveled for decompressions that my existence as a ranger made sense. SF was a bit confusing, but I realize now, I don't entirely get the SF crowd. Its something much different than where I'm at in my life.....some kind of proving of something, shoving match, or ego assertion that doesn't work for me. Then there was Portland, where I spent the entire weekend in a daze full of a sea of well-adjusted people. My first night there was spent gushing over the friends we were staying with.....and it just went uphill from there. I've never felt more loved and welcomed and appreciated than I did in Portland, which is a major change from Seattle.
So, now I'm here with a new home that we're both working hard on, the same job, and a new outlook. Last night was spent with a friend and her friends having a ball. Again, a great bunch of real, well-adjusted people. Downright odd from what I have known to exist thus far.
I'm pretty sure the universe is telling me that its AOK to be content, happy, and well-adjusted. It feels almost alien to realize it, but its true....there is no reason I shouldn't be content.
I'm still trying to leave Amedica. The situation just isn't working for me. The new building is nice and I really like having my own space and department, but at the end of the day, the spectres of politics really get to me. Not to mention managing people.....seriously, I said to myself on Friday, "If only I could just do engineering and chemistry and not have to worry about people, my life would be perfect...." I've found all sorts of fascinating jobs, but none pay worth a crap, or I'm not a Ph.D.....and given my experiences with them, I don't want to become one. Of course I say that now, and one day I'll be just that and doing it on my own terms.....much like being a ranger, and a green dot on top of that.
So back to Frisco, I'm feeling vain again, apparently. Went for a haircut, nose wax (yeah it hurt like hell but was worth it), and eyebrow wax. And its odd, that lil' bit made me beam all over the Castro....even turned some pretty hot Daddy and Silverfox heads.... I probably would have without the aesteticianizing, but I think it helped.
On that note, I've noticed a lot of my insecurity has gone away, too. A lot of it has to do with the sexual adventures of late...feeling strong enough to say, "Hey, I want this" or "No, I don't want this" and making the consequences clear. I do have to get and HIV test in December as a result, but I'm not too worried about that. Its really weird to be at that point where I can look at everything and say its OK one way or the other.
I keep coming back to being well-adjusted, tho. Its been that happy space and time I've strived for, for so long. Its an inner peace, for lack of a better description, where not much matters.....maybe a bit self-centered, but not really. Its that moment, time, and space where I realize my own happiness is paramount and I must ensure it.
blah, blah, blah.....I could keep going, but it feels like I've written a novel already.
Lotsa Love,
Jacob