FM Challenge #41 Grief
Loss, isn’t that what normal people grieve about loss of pride, of innocence of self of life? I’m not normal, I’m not sure that gypsies can fit in any box that was ever termed normal. Nomadic by birth, we’re use to moving on, to change, to leaving things behind. So grief for me is not something I’m familiar with, it’s just something that is.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve lost things, things that I’d deemed relatively important, but then I’ve never really been materialistic, not even when I became someone else, possibly I grieved at the loss of my heritage.
Yes, when Uncle died, I grieved, but for the wrong reasons.
My grief, although short lived, was over what I should have done, sure choices create consequences, and that in truth where my grief lies, in a choice, a choice of omission.
In my head my mantra had become, “if only,” and I guess at times I wear that mantra too often.
Living out what was left of my life, most of that grief was denial, as if I denied it enough, things would go away, but they didn’t. Literally, it became a monster, and we all know the story from there.
So where am I now? Bargaining? Acceptance? Have I even learned any lessons from all of this? Possibly, I never left denial, and perhaps this is all a dream. Possibly I’ll wake up, and that life that was growing would still be growing ….
For me there was no one to bargain with, there wasn’t time … it just was what it was a choice, but now that I am back, I find myself bargaining with some invisible spectre, offering things I don’t have to give for things I’ll never get.
Muse: Jenny Calendar
Fandom: Buffy
Word Count: 293
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve lost things, things that I’d deemed relatively important, but then I’ve never really been materialistic, not even when I became someone else, possibly I grieved at the loss of my heritage.
Yes, when Uncle died, I grieved, but for the wrong reasons.
My grief, although short lived, was over what I should have done, sure choices create consequences, and that in truth where my grief lies, in a choice, a choice of omission.
In my head my mantra had become, “if only,” and I guess at times I wear that mantra too often.
Living out what was left of my life, most of that grief was denial, as if I denied it enough, things would go away, but they didn’t. Literally, it became a monster, and we all know the story from there.
So where am I now? Bargaining? Acceptance? Have I even learned any lessons from all of this? Possibly, I never left denial, and perhaps this is all a dream. Possibly I’ll wake up, and that life that was growing would still be growing ….
For me there was no one to bargain with, there wasn’t time … it just was what it was a choice, but now that I am back, I find myself bargaining with some invisible spectre, offering things I don’t have to give for things I’ll never get.
Muse: Jenny Calendar
Fandom: Buffy
Word Count: 293