Bad bad bad.
2008 hasn't started out very nicely, and deep down, I'm terrified that the whole year will, well plainly, suck.
These past two years have been more bad than good. They've tried my patience, emotional endurance and sanity. I don't think I can handle another bad year.
So, maybe if I just don't expect much, and I don't imagine that much good will happen, than I won't be disappointed.
For example, the other day, I was sitting at my computer, home for once and not working, and I was bored out of my mind. I was just kind of staring...and then, out of no where, something from my past hit me in the face. And I started researching. I fell too hard into the past. I felt suffocated, and like a part of my soul that I've deadened was trying to heal itself. I quickly shut down Firefox when a site I went to didn't allow viewing without a password, and I laid in my bed, face down, for a good half hour. Silent. Trying to push everything out of my mind.
Because I made the choice to leave it behind. It's gone. I'm done. I'm gone. I'm no longer. And it's going to stay that way, because I made the choice.
It's just hard, because there's some that I didn't want to leave behind. There's some that I still want. But if I were to leave behind THAT, then I had to sacrifice that, too. It's just the easiest way for all of us.
break away.
And that New Year wish I made?
It's happening to everyone around me...but not to me.
It's such the way, isn't it?
These past two years have been more bad than good. They've tried my patience, emotional endurance and sanity. I don't think I can handle another bad year.
So, maybe if I just don't expect much, and I don't imagine that much good will happen, than I won't be disappointed.
For example, the other day, I was sitting at my computer, home for once and not working, and I was bored out of my mind. I was just kind of staring...and then, out of no where, something from my past hit me in the face. And I started researching. I fell too hard into the past. I felt suffocated, and like a part of my soul that I've deadened was trying to heal itself. I quickly shut down Firefox when a site I went to didn't allow viewing without a password, and I laid in my bed, face down, for a good half hour. Silent. Trying to push everything out of my mind.
Because I made the choice to leave it behind. It's gone. I'm done. I'm gone. I'm no longer. And it's going to stay that way, because I made the choice.
It's just hard, because there's some that I didn't want to leave behind. There's some that I still want. But if I were to leave behind THAT, then I had to sacrifice that, too. It's just the easiest way for all of us.
break away.
And that New Year wish I made?
It's happening to everyone around me...but not to me.
It's such the way, isn't it?