(no subject)
what with all my major life decisions coming up pretty soon here, i've been trying to figure out what the hell I really want/care about.
what I've come up with is that I live for friendship, or "love" in the way that there's complete empathy and sympathy and as much understanding as possible and as little manipulation as possible and a "spark" and really just a connection.
and that's really all I care about.
really, it explains just about everything I do.
drinking: lowers social barriers
smoking: an easy way to start a conversation
moving back to the us: I thought this was where my friends were (turns out "friends" are something very different from what I thought)
lying: sometimes this seems like a way to make/keep a relationship
manipulating: speaking of making/keeping a relationship...
having certain bands on my ipod: to appeal to certain types of people (I really do love music, this only applies to a few. really.)
so anyways, the point of this is that while what I'm trying to do with my life is forge tight bonds - or even loose bonds - with people, it seems that they're all moving on or not doing that or not interested in doing that with me. and it's driving me bonkers!
cause I don't really feel like i've got any other interests. and people are fickle. and I'm just setting myself up for disaster. and I really need to get laid.
what I've come up with is that I live for friendship, or "love" in the way that there's complete empathy and sympathy and as much understanding as possible and as little manipulation as possible and a "spark" and really just a connection.
and that's really all I care about.
really, it explains just about everything I do.
drinking: lowers social barriers
smoking: an easy way to start a conversation
moving back to the us: I thought this was where my friends were (turns out "friends" are something very different from what I thought)
lying: sometimes this seems like a way to make/keep a relationship
manipulating: speaking of making/keeping a relationship...
having certain bands on my ipod: to appeal to certain types of people (I really do love music, this only applies to a few. really.)
so anyways, the point of this is that while what I'm trying to do with my life is forge tight bonds - or even loose bonds - with people, it seems that they're all moving on or not doing that or not interested in doing that with me. and it's driving me bonkers!
cause I don't really feel like i've got any other interests. and people are fickle. and I'm just setting myself up for disaster. and I really need to get laid.