Orientation is not a trend.

[technicolornina]

I wasn't going to write this, because I know I'm putting myself in a position to lose friends; then I said "fuck it," anybody who thinks I have no right to be hurt and calling it out probably wasn't my friend to begin with.

Comments

[adawnrae]

Ach, sweetheart, I am sorry this happened to you. While I generally consider myself heterosexual, I have been with and been in love with members of both sexes and a couple that would most likely identify as "other," so I feel eminently qualified to speak about this:
If you are a good person, no matter what your orientation, you don't cheat on your partner.* If you do screw around, can't be bothered to treat your partner in a loving fashion, then you aren't a good person and need to stay out of relationships until you grow the fuck up. Gay, straight, bi or whatever, your "orientation" gives you no leave to be a creep.
/rant

I have also been through this kind of violation of trust and affection, and you are absolutely right to have done and said what you have, this person would never have treated you properly. You deserve better than this, we both do. There may be people who are unhappy or even hostile over this, but maybe, just maybe, a few will look at her behavior and think of this and realize that they, too, are being hurt by someone who is manipulating the hell out of them. Maybe someone will be able to avoid the pain you are going through because you had the moxie to speak the truth when it was hard to do. I have been struggling with whether I should do something similar, and this clarifies things considerably for me, so you have already helped one person (if in an unusual way). Thank you, and know that I am right here if you need a shoulder to lean on should there be fallout from this. I know I'm awful at keeping in touch, but damn it all, I'm always here.

(* I know it is a popular thing right now, but I make no exception for open or poly relationships. Everyone I have known who was into this has ended up hurting other people, their primary partner at the very least, and the ones who weren't complete psychopaths got hurt, themselves.)

[ext_1025174]

Hi, darling (it's still me--mostly moved to Dreamwidth following Release 88 over here).

I don't have a problem with poly relationships--unlike you, I do actually know a couple of people who've been very happy in them--but I do have a problem with the idea that I'm the one you fuck, and the rest of the time you're busy watching men with no interest whatsoever in the female population at large. I don't go around ogling girls every day of the week, but I don't just go "oh, that's a short skirt" when someone appears in a mini, either--my usual response is "whoa, nice legs."

I'm scared of the fallout. But I had to do it. I couldn't take it anymore. My mind felt the same way my body did when I had an abscess in my breast--achy, painful, apt to break open and send blood and pus flying everywhere at a moment's notice (gross analogy but true). You have two choices with a mind-abscess like that: you can drain it and hope for the best, or you can leave it there to eat away at your brain and heart and soul until there's nothing left but infection.

I suck at keeping in touch, too, but if you need me, you always know where to find me. *HUG*