past.future.present.
past.present.future. sometimes we live in all at the same time. when in the present we look at the past to see what not to do in the future. sometimes we also use it to beat ourselves up with. i dunno. i think a lot of the time the past is fine to stay there. as long as a lesson is learned and we can move forward from it. God knows i've learned my lessons. God knows i still beat myself with those lessons. i like when i don't tap the past to choose to not do those things again or to avoid said situations. if i don't i just avoid it and that is definitely good. cus dredging up the past, specially things that i didn't remember before, make me want to forget them all over again. but here i am again. look at the past that i'm ashamed of. there is far to much of that past. i look at it this way. i don't know why the good habits and things of myself even got here. i can't remember the moment that changed me to be the person i am today. i remember that bad things that got me here but not the good. if i still continue to change for the better without remembering the bad i have to say that i'm all for that.
as far as the future goes, i was having a conversation with a friend of mine and she made an offhanded comment to me, after i made a very geeky remark, that went something like this "and there is why you'll die a virgin." this comment didn't bother me at all. my only response was "there are worse things to regret." on my death bed i don't think i'll saying 'my only regret is i didn't get laid,' i think i'll have more important ones. or maybe i won't have any at all. you never know. all in the same, she was sorta taken aback by this and couldn't really understand where i was coming from. i'm sure you might be confused to. but 'let me explain. no, there is to much, let me sum up.' basically, there are things more important to me than sex. go figure. this isn't to say that i don't want a family, cus i would love to have a family. i don't think i would be complete without a family. i just want to love someone as my father has loved me and my family. i want to love my wife like my father loved my mother. i want to show my faith in every aspect of my life to my children. i want to provide and work and everything that goes along with having a family. despite how terrified i am to have them, i feel every part of me drawn to that calling and i refuse to allow myself to get drawn into the lie that marriage and life is all about sex and the me-centered way of this world aimed toward self-defeat. the future, and my towards it and how i create myself today makes the future either a good or bad place to be. one must be centered on the present and making now the best as it can be in order to place the correct foundations for the future.
The Present. the hardest place to live.
even if i'm not thinking in the past or planning for the future, i'll tend to live inside my own head and allow my auto pilot to take me through everything. so in essence i am never living here within the present. but to live in the present means to take ownership of my own actions, thoughts, emotions and beliefs. i strive for that as best i can. to make the best decisions as possible. but in order to do so, i must know where i want to go, and what mistakes not to make again, so to live in the present we must live in the past and the future. strange how that works.
Sorry for the long post, but i had this on my mind for the past few weeks. curious as to your opinion on the matter.
BTW, God likes to humble you at the moments where you least expect it. strive to humble yourself so God doesn't have to (it never is a nice feeling to get humbled lol) i forgot to change the numbers on the hymn thing on the other side of the church and the priest decided to make a point of it being that way. but whatevs, we live. we learn. we love. we yearn.
Lord make me an instrument of your peace. Take all my freedom. have mercy on me a sinner. may your will be done. glory be.
--TD
as far as the future goes, i was having a conversation with a friend of mine and she made an offhanded comment to me, after i made a very geeky remark, that went something like this "and there is why you'll die a virgin." this comment didn't bother me at all. my only response was "there are worse things to regret." on my death bed i don't think i'll saying 'my only regret is i didn't get laid,' i think i'll have more important ones. or maybe i won't have any at all. you never know. all in the same, she was sorta taken aback by this and couldn't really understand where i was coming from. i'm sure you might be confused to. but 'let me explain. no, there is to much, let me sum up.' basically, there are things more important to me than sex. go figure. this isn't to say that i don't want a family, cus i would love to have a family. i don't think i would be complete without a family. i just want to love someone as my father has loved me and my family. i want to love my wife like my father loved my mother. i want to show my faith in every aspect of my life to my children. i want to provide and work and everything that goes along with having a family. despite how terrified i am to have them, i feel every part of me drawn to that calling and i refuse to allow myself to get drawn into the lie that marriage and life is all about sex and the me-centered way of this world aimed toward self-defeat. the future, and my towards it and how i create myself today makes the future either a good or bad place to be. one must be centered on the present and making now the best as it can be in order to place the correct foundations for the future.
The Present. the hardest place to live.
even if i'm not thinking in the past or planning for the future, i'll tend to live inside my own head and allow my auto pilot to take me through everything. so in essence i am never living here within the present. but to live in the present means to take ownership of my own actions, thoughts, emotions and beliefs. i strive for that as best i can. to make the best decisions as possible. but in order to do so, i must know where i want to go, and what mistakes not to make again, so to live in the present we must live in the past and the future. strange how that works.
Sorry for the long post, but i had this on my mind for the past few weeks. curious as to your opinion on the matter.
BTW, God likes to humble you at the moments where you least expect it. strive to humble yourself so God doesn't have to (it never is a nice feeling to get humbled lol) i forgot to change the numbers on the hymn thing on the other side of the church and the priest decided to make a point of it being that way. but whatevs, we live. we learn. we love. we yearn.
Lord make me an instrument of your peace. Take all my freedom. have mercy on me a sinner. may your will be done. glory be.
--TD