"i am a walrus"
i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together...
tonight was rough...been a long time since something has happened to upset me this much...i've been doing alot of thinking lately, and i've realized that people have made me shy...i'm normally outgoing so why is it that i hate having to try to make friends? why is it that i don't really have friends? why is it that i'm the one that always gets forgotten? how is it that i go to Crossroads for years and still haven't fallen in with the "group" while others who have come for a few months are immediatly accepted into the "group"? i don't know...just things on my mind right now...my eyes hurt so bad from crying that i can barely keep them open to type...and i wonder why and how and when my life became just living Sunday to Wednesday and Wednesday to Sunday...seems like there should be more to life but right now there just isn't...can't remember the last conversation i had on the phone other than "hey mom are you coming to pick me up?" can't remember the last time that i had friends and was invited places...can't remember the last time i went to the mall like a normal teen...can't remember the last time i went to the service or the point and didn't sit alone...can't remember the last time i had some one to talk to other than my stuffed pig...can't remember the last time any one liked me...can't remembe rthe last time that a guy liked me...there are to many can't remembers! What i can remember is the last time some one said i hate you...what i can remember is the last time some one said "go away no one likes you"...i can remeber the last time i was laughed at...i can remember the last time i was purposely kept out of something while everyone laughed at me behind my back...i'm not pessimistic and i'm not trying to focus on the bad it's just i feel like i've been dealt far more than my share of rejection...all i want is a friend or two that doesn't make me feel like being my friend is a service project...all i need is to be accepted...you think i'm hyper? you think i'm crazy or immature? try living everyday knowing any converstaion you have will have to be started by you. try living everyday knowing that even if the phone rings it isn't going to be for you. try living every day just hoping and praying that some one will notice you...that someone will WANT to be around you!
tonight was rough...been a long time since something has happened to upset me this much...i've been doing alot of thinking lately, and i've realized that people have made me shy...i'm normally outgoing so why is it that i hate having to try to make friends? why is it that i don't really have friends? why is it that i'm the one that always gets forgotten? how is it that i go to Crossroads for years and still haven't fallen in with the "group" while others who have come for a few months are immediatly accepted into the "group"? i don't know...just things on my mind right now...my eyes hurt so bad from crying that i can barely keep them open to type...and i wonder why and how and when my life became just living Sunday to Wednesday and Wednesday to Sunday...seems like there should be more to life but right now there just isn't...can't remember the last conversation i had on the phone other than "hey mom are you coming to pick me up?" can't remember the last time that i had friends and was invited places...can't remember the last time i went to the mall like a normal teen...can't remember the last time i went to the service or the point and didn't sit alone...can't remember the last time i had some one to talk to other than my stuffed pig...can't remember the last time any one liked me...can't remembe rthe last time that a guy liked me...there are to many can't remembers! What i can remember is the last time some one said i hate you...what i can remember is the last time some one said "go away no one likes you"...i can remeber the last time i was laughed at...i can remember the last time i was purposely kept out of something while everyone laughed at me behind my back...i'm not pessimistic and i'm not trying to focus on the bad it's just i feel like i've been dealt far more than my share of rejection...all i want is a friend or two that doesn't make me feel like being my friend is a service project...all i need is to be accepted...you think i'm hyper? you think i'm crazy or immature? try living everyday knowing any converstaion you have will have to be started by you. try living everyday knowing that even if the phone rings it isn't going to be for you. try living every day just hoping and praying that some one will notice you...that someone will WANT to be around you!