Damn, This Shit is Whack
Well i do something i havent done in about 4 years. at 12:10(aprox) i decide to walk out my door and take a walk, but i decided to walk up to Rocky Butte. the walk is close to 2 hours going up from where i live. so yeah, i get up there about 2:00 and sit down on one of the little seats they have and start looking over this fair city of ours. i start thinking, now Matt's little girly typed thingy messaged me before i left (under Matt's name, and decides not to tell me its her before i am contomplating decking matt the next time i see him) she starts out with "Stalk Much?????" this catches me way off guard, now i am thinking its Matt. so i am starting to get kinda pissed. so i reply "whats up with your message?" of course because i am confused as fuck. but all i get back is the same message again, this time a few more "?"s and "i already know the answer, God will still love you if you repent and come clean now". OK, this is fucked up. i am getting extremely offended by this point. then my next one was something along the lines of calling me dirty or something. now i am at full pissed off mode, and on extreme defence. i start telling him that this is fucked up, what the hell are you doing? he replies with "Molestation is fun isnt it". Now after Friday night i have been getting this weird feeling from Matt and Newman. this clenched it for me. Now i am not one to do fucked up things, everyone i know knows this about me. i am the nice guy, i try to help whenever i can. and this is the thanks i get for it, accusations of molestating Niks while she was drunk and Matt, Newman and Adam were in the front room. Then she finally comes clean that she isnt Matt, but while i was at Rocky Butte, i started thinking: if she is accusing me of this shit, this obviously means that Matt told her about Friday night. And if he told her about it, he must have said something about thinking i did that, or else she wouldnt have had the thought in her head to message me about. So I am hurt beyond belief at this point. I thought Matt was my ninja, I thought he knew me. But apparently he has no idea who the fuck i am, or what my Moral Standards are. At least Newman had the respect to ask me about what happened (trying to figure out what triggered the Niks trying to kill me later on), I honestly tell him what went on and he believes me, thank god. But i am still getting this weird feeling from him when i talk to him. I guess the only person who honestly knows me from the group that i thought were my close friends is Adam and Charles. And Charles isnt here to help defend me. 3 out of the 4 men i call family were there friday, and now 2 out of the 4 of them think I take advantage of women when they are drunk... well you know what... Fuck Dem. I am a good person, I pride myself on being such. I know what I didnt do. I have mounds of respect for Niks and I wouldnt do that to anyone. I just hope they didnt load her head with their foolish ideas. Because she is the last person I want to think that, I like to think that she views me as a friend, and a friend she can trust. but if they did imprint that onto her, then even if she believes me that i didnt do it, the idea would be there. And that alone could be enough to fuck me over.
But oh well. if Matt doesnt have enough trust in me about that shit, then i have to look on the bright side. I will lose one man who i thought was a friend, who obviously wasnt. And no one needs those kinds of people in their lives. But i hope that i am wrong, and Matt does know me as well as i hoped, and knows that i wouldnt do anything remotely like that. That night was all about making sure Niks was alright, and stayed that way. I tried as much as i could to help. I did my best. And now i am getting shit for it. Such is life.
But oh well. if Matt doesnt have enough trust in me about that shit, then i have to look on the bright side. I will lose one man who i thought was a friend, who obviously wasnt. And no one needs those kinds of people in their lives. But i hope that i am wrong, and Matt does know me as well as i hoped, and knows that i wouldnt do anything remotely like that. That night was all about making sure Niks was alright, and stayed that way. I tried as much as i could to help. I did my best. And now i am getting shit for it. Such is life.