A blank page and a blinking cursor is very depressing.
Sometimes i really hate personal web journals or pages, call them what you like. I know it sounds stupid on my part being i'm writing in mine right now, just ignor that fact. I read some people though and i feel like i'm being slapped in the face with a wake up call. Do i not really know them? Are they being serious, or sarcastic? I hate talking on the phone and reading written entries for the fact that you have no idea of their actual mood or meaning behind the words. Sometimes anyway. It's funny too how sometimes when you read something that someone you know has written, you can actually hear them saying exactly that in their own voice, inside your own head. Ironic. I hate this feeling i have right now. I've started so many sentances that i end up deleting. I hate how i can be too over emotional even for myself sometimes. I want to scream sense into myself but at the same time i'm fighting it. I feel...wait i KNOW i'm way over-reacting right now, re-acting to nothing. I feel like i'm some insecure, stupid, childish baby and i HATE it! I HATE HATE HATE feeling insecure in certain situations\relationships. It's just plain rediculious at times, it's one thing i try never to be although none of us are completely free from that feeling. This entry will make no sense to any of you i'm sure, i'm not writing for your reading pleasure or to get comments, i just need to write! I'm going crazy. My stupid OCD, i'm just trying to type feircly and get the jumbled words out, but i keep backspacing and correcting punctuation and spelling where i can see i've missed. For those of you who are bothered by my OCD, just to let you know, i don't necessarily LIKE being this way all the time, i just am. It's not a good excuse i know, but too bad. I'm not trying to sound or be mean, i'm just saying...Understand, as i'm trying to tell myself; family insanity, and not in a good way, came up today, i've also been up since 3:20AM working with my crew at the Oaks Kingdom Hall Build, i've had too much sun-exposure over the weekend, and other factors i won't even mention. Bottom line i'm just over-tired and upset, which means i just need to go to bed, i'll wake up in the morning, read this and feel even stupid-er for writing all this. Which is why i'm disabling comments.
Good night mind...PLEASE calm down.