(no subject)
I just heard about Farrah's passing. At least her pain and suffering is over and if you believe, she's gone on to a better place.
I'm not doing very well myself. I had some of the worst pain I've had so far on Tuesday evening. It got so bad that I called the hospice nurse on call around 10:00. She advised me that I hadn't taken enough of the liquid morphine and to take a full dose and call back if the pain wasn't relieved in half an hour. Fortunately, that worked and I fell in to an exhausted sleep. I've pretty much been sleeping on and off since then.
All I've been able to manage since is to drink some water. Nothing else appeals to me. I don't want to eat anything since that is where the pain eventually comes from. Not wanting to get in to the gory details here, though. Eating is not worth that pain. My nurse comes tomorrow and I expect that she will evaluate whatever condition I'm in. Hospice does have the right to say whether or not I'm able to stay by myself any longer. I don't really know what to do except to rest. If this is my time, then so be it. I'm so tired, really. It's not giving up, it's more like letting go. And I really don't want to be in that pain again.
I'm not posting this to alarm anyone. Please try and understand. The path has been leading here all along. It just seems like I've gotten farther along than I expected. Things seem to be changing quickly for me now. I don't know if that's good or bad. I only know that I don't want to suffer. It's not much of a life for me now, really. Waiting is not living. Not really. I'm caught between wanting to stay and wanting to leave.
That's all for now...
I'm not doing very well myself. I had some of the worst pain I've had so far on Tuesday evening. It got so bad that I called the hospice nurse on call around 10:00. She advised me that I hadn't taken enough of the liquid morphine and to take a full dose and call back if the pain wasn't relieved in half an hour. Fortunately, that worked and I fell in to an exhausted sleep. I've pretty much been sleeping on and off since then.
All I've been able to manage since is to drink some water. Nothing else appeals to me. I don't want to eat anything since that is where the pain eventually comes from. Not wanting to get in to the gory details here, though. Eating is not worth that pain. My nurse comes tomorrow and I expect that she will evaluate whatever condition I'm in. Hospice does have the right to say whether or not I'm able to stay by myself any longer. I don't really know what to do except to rest. If this is my time, then so be it. I'm so tired, really. It's not giving up, it's more like letting go. And I really don't want to be in that pain again.
I'm not posting this to alarm anyone. Please try and understand. The path has been leading here all along. It just seems like I've gotten farther along than I expected. Things seem to be changing quickly for me now. I don't know if that's good or bad. I only know that I don't want to suffer. It's not much of a life for me now, really. Waiting is not living. Not really. I'm caught between wanting to stay and wanting to leave.
That's all for now...