(no subject)
i want a job... im sick of being broke, but im not sure exactly what kinda job to get to insure it wont make me sick to my stomach (literally).
oddly enough, whenever i bring up looking for a job to any of my relatives, they're more interested in me applying for disability.
im not sure i could let myself do that.
granted, i lose every job mainly due to OCD and anxiety, but i've been in much worse shape before than i'm in right now.
this is sort of a good time of year to start looking. i always get a little more comfortable in the warmer months... not quite sure why.
probably because the cold and dark months make my skin crawl.
the salt makes me itch.
the second the sun goes down, i get this trapped feeling, and i start to panic.
i'm pretty sure i don't have medicaid anymore (though i renewed my papers), so there's another reason i should work.
the potential jobs i think i could comfortably do are the same bullshit i've done since i was 17 and i don't wanna sell myself short when i know i could be working in a salon or something i'm more qualified for, but i can't help but think doing dishes or prepping in a resturaunt are far more fitting for where i'm at right now.
i guess im destined to make minimum wage forever, and that's fine, but if student loans are going to garnish my wages like they did with my tax return, i'd rather practice my trade while they do it.
if i could finally get the hell outa debt, i think the weight off my shoulders would put me in a better mood overall.
im not sad or bummed out or anything... just constantly agitated, and im running out of things that make me happy.
all i know is that i want my own place again. im sick of coming home only to find half my new clothes have been brought to the goodwill by my crazy grandmother, because they've been in a laundry basket for two days, and were apparently "covered in mildew".
im sick of feeling constantly uncomfortable in that house because people can't keep they're hands off my stuff.
i know this is all mainly my fault for putting myself in this situation, but it'd be nice to know i don't have to worry about my shit all the time.
oh well... tomorrow's another day.
oddly enough, whenever i bring up looking for a job to any of my relatives, they're more interested in me applying for disability.
im not sure i could let myself do that.
granted, i lose every job mainly due to OCD and anxiety, but i've been in much worse shape before than i'm in right now.
this is sort of a good time of year to start looking. i always get a little more comfortable in the warmer months... not quite sure why.
probably because the cold and dark months make my skin crawl.
the salt makes me itch.
the second the sun goes down, i get this trapped feeling, and i start to panic.
i'm pretty sure i don't have medicaid anymore (though i renewed my papers), so there's another reason i should work.
the potential jobs i think i could comfortably do are the same bullshit i've done since i was 17 and i don't wanna sell myself short when i know i could be working in a salon or something i'm more qualified for, but i can't help but think doing dishes or prepping in a resturaunt are far more fitting for where i'm at right now.
i guess im destined to make minimum wage forever, and that's fine, but if student loans are going to garnish my wages like they did with my tax return, i'd rather practice my trade while they do it.
if i could finally get the hell outa debt, i think the weight off my shoulders would put me in a better mood overall.
im not sad or bummed out or anything... just constantly agitated, and im running out of things that make me happy.
all i know is that i want my own place again. im sick of coming home only to find half my new clothes have been brought to the goodwill by my crazy grandmother, because they've been in a laundry basket for two days, and were apparently "covered in mildew".
im sick of feeling constantly uncomfortable in that house because people can't keep they're hands off my stuff.
i know this is all mainly my fault for putting myself in this situation, but it'd be nice to know i don't have to worry about my shit all the time.
oh well... tomorrow's another day.