Teary's [B/J] Assatomy - part 1
Today we’re going on a field trip/excursion to the MoMA. I’m not referring to the one in NY USA but the one in LJ Arsetralia known as the Museum of Modern Arse (known as MoMAss to others). Is everyone aboard the bus? Good.
This special study tour will try to incorporate
prof_plum’s three A’s of education: Attention, Appreciation, and Ass.
You’ll be viewing a non-defined, non-conventional art exhibition called The Mounds of Britin. Yes, there is a hilly place called BrianJustin. You may even learn something about the men behind the assholes. *scribbles note* [Dear QaF writers, you’ve forever infected me with your virulant puns and double entendres. Thank you.].
*voice whines, “Are we there yet?”*
Yes--we’re here, so you can shut the eff up. Now get yourselves off. *ahem* I mean the bus.
Here’s a quote by Kenneth Tyman to lube your minds *stares pointedly* before we enter: The buttocks are the most aesthetically pleasing part of the body because they are non-functional. Although they conceal an essential orifice, these pointless globes are as near as the human form can ever come to abstract art.
Interesting sculptures, aren’t they? *grins kinkily*
Before we go all the way in, let’s look at the conventional definition of “buttocks”: the fleshy part of the human body that you sit on. Well, I think all the female students here are glad that QaF came along to straighten screw that definition.
To further warm up those, um, brains, how many other synonyms for butt can you think of? Note: I’ve already plugged *cough* at least 6 so far.
How about: behind, buns, can, derriere, fanny, fundament, posterior, rear-end, rump, cheeks, globes, nates, keister, stern, tail, tail end, tooshie, tush, botty, booty, mounds, seat and an Aussie/Brit favorite, bum.
And here’s some interesting gay-slang oldies: biscuits; bonbons; English muffins; cupcakes; loaves; patties; poundcake; rolls; sugar cookies; rum; set of cakes; set of pears -- I hope no-one’s hungry yet [see, everyone eats ass] -- beautocks; bunghole; cushion; duff; flip side; hill-locks; jamblocks; kazoo; canister set; spare tire; south-end; Cashmerian togas; change machine; change register; prat; love buns; male tale; moon; money-maker; motor; nachas; naka-nake; ninan; okole-mas; pellin; piece of popo; puss; cunt; sitzbein; sizzlers; taquitos; tokus; tooky; twin-hills; paddies [ would Gio like to explain something to us?]
Well, that’s enough bun-uh-brain teasing. Let’s kick, or should I say, lick some butt. And I promise that you will *not* find Sam Auerbach with his pants down (or otherwise) here.
Hmm, can you identify whose butts they are? You will find clues hidden at the bottom of each painting.
[[MR HANLEY, 2003]
[KING OF BUTTYLON, 2001]
[ALL THE RAGE, 2005]
[A WOODY FRONT AND HIND, 2001]
[DIMPLES AND TRICKS, 2005]
[PRETTY IN PINK, 2004]
[NICE BUTT, SHAME ABOUT THE ASSHOLE (IN FRONT), 2001]
[BLACKMAIL RETURNED TO SENDER, 2001]
[HOT spoiler SHOWERS, 2005]
I hope you all passed. And licked some of the paintings on the way.
In this gallery you can peek behind some of the paintings to see what inspired them, if you’re not the artsy fartsy type to critique some of them them.
Ok, here we have the Coming or Going?-Coming, then Going?-Coming and Staying? series.
[SPECIAL K[id], 2000]
[COMING PART 1, 2000]
[DON’T COME YET, 2000]
[CUMIN AND STAYING, 2000]
[COMING PART 2, 2000]
[GOING WHILE WE COME, 2000]
Is it getting hot in here? *fans self*
OK, here's a Quick Quiz:
Poll
Now let's continue the tour.
[BATHTIME, 2001]
[BEDTIME, 2001]
[DREAMTIME, 2001]
[BAD BEDSIDE MANNER, 2001]
[HOT BESIDE MANNER, 2001]
[JUST FUCKING HOT, 2001]
[THE GRAND TOUR, 2001]
[THE GRAND EXIT, 2001]
[I NEED YOUR EXPERTISSSSE, 2001]
[I’M HORNY AS HELL, 2001]
[TAKE A SEAT, MR TAYLOR, 2001]
If anyone wants to rest for a bit, you can also take a seat *looks around* --DON’T LOOK kids, there’s a NAKED man over there.
*sigh* I guess some people have no sense of decorum in a butt gallery.
Ok, let’s move on to the works of the Blue period.
[ CAUGHT RED-COCKED, 2001]
[FRAGILE, 2002]
[FRAGMENT, 2002]
[LITTLE BOY BLEW, 2002]
[BIG BOY BLEW TOO, 2002]
[THE BLUE PILL, 2002]
[DID YOU MISS ME?, 2002]
[THE SUBSTITUTE, 2003]
[IMPOTENT, 2004]
[THE IMPOTENT COCKSOCK, 2004]
Oh, wow, look at that painting by the up-and-coming *cough* RAndy Warmhole.
[BUTT BUTTER: IT’S A FAG-EAT-FAG WORLD, 2005]
Oh, shi!--vers, look at the time and we haven’t finished! We still have a butt-load to see, including many wet bodies. We’ll have to come again. To the museum that is.
I hope this has stimulated your, um, senses. MoMAss has promised to put on a cocktail function in the living sculpture garden next time, so I hope everyone can attend.
Ok, back on the bus and don’t think I won’t be checking up on people up the very back. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop you doing anything *winks*.
I’ll leave you with some assoticons. Extra credit will be given to anyone who can come up with some more.
(_!_) just an ass (arse as we Aussies say)
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_#_) a sore ass
(_o_) an asshole
(_O_) a well fucked ass
(_?_) a dumb ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
{_!_} shake your booty/ass
(_@_)? What’s stuck up your ass?
>(_x_)< kiss my ass
>(_P_)< lick my ass
This special study tour will try to incorporate
prof_plum’s three A’s of education: Attention, Appreciation, and Ass.
You’ll be viewing a non-defined, non-conventional art exhibition called The Mounds of Britin. Yes, there is a hilly place called BrianJustin. You may even learn something about the men behind the assholes. *scribbles note* [Dear QaF writers, you’ve forever infected me with your virulant puns and double entendres. Thank you.].
*voice whines, “Are we there yet?”*
Yes--we’re here, so you can shut the eff up. Now get yourselves off. *ahem* I mean the bus.
Here’s a quote by Kenneth Tyman to lube your minds *stares pointedly* before we enter: The buttocks are the most aesthetically pleasing part of the body because they are non-functional. Although they conceal an essential orifice, these pointless globes are as near as the human form can ever come to abstract art.
Interesting sculptures, aren’t they? *grins kinkily*
Before we go all the way in, let’s look at the conventional definition of “buttocks”: the fleshy part of the human body that you sit on. Well, I think all the female students here are glad that QaF came along to straighten screw that definition.
To further warm up those, um, brains, how many other synonyms for butt can you think of? Note: I’ve already plugged *cough* at least 6 so far.
How about: behind, buns, can, derriere, fanny, fundament, posterior, rear-end, rump, cheeks, globes, nates, keister, stern, tail, tail end, tooshie, tush, botty, booty, mounds, seat and an Aussie/Brit favorite, bum.
And here’s some interesting gay-slang oldies: biscuits; bonbons; English muffins; cupcakes; loaves; patties; poundcake; rolls; sugar cookies; rum; set of cakes; set of pears -- I hope no-one’s hungry yet [see, everyone eats ass] -- beautocks; bunghole; cushion; duff; flip side; hill-locks; jamblocks; kazoo; canister set; spare tire; south-end; Cashmerian togas; change machine; change register; prat; love buns; male tale; moon; money-maker; motor; nachas; naka-nake; ninan; okole-mas; pellin; piece of popo; puss; cunt; sitzbein; sizzlers; taquitos; tokus; tooky; twin-hills; paddies [ would Gio like to explain something to us?]
Well, that’s enough bun-uh-brain teasing. Let’s kick, or should I say, lick some butt. And I promise that you will *not* find Sam Auerbach with his pants down (or otherwise) here.
Hmm, can you identify whose butts they are? You will find clues hidden at the bottom of each painting.
[[MR HANLEY, 2003]
[KING OF BUTTYLON, 2001]
[ALL THE RAGE, 2005]
[A WOODY FRONT AND HIND, 2001]
[DIMPLES AND TRICKS, 2005]
[PRETTY IN PINK, 2004]
[NICE BUTT, SHAME ABOUT THE ASSHOLE (IN FRONT), 2001]
[BLACKMAIL RETURNED TO SENDER, 2001]
[HOT spoiler SHOWERS, 2005]
I hope you all passed. And licked some of the paintings on the way.
In this gallery you can peek behind some of the paintings to see what inspired them, if you’re not the artsy fartsy type to critique some of them them.
Ok, here we have the Coming or Going?-Coming, then Going?-Coming and Staying? series.
[SPECIAL K[id], 2000]
[COMING PART 1, 2000]
[DON’T COME YET, 2000]
[CUMIN AND STAYING, 2000]
[COMING PART 2, 2000]
[GOING WHILE WE COME, 2000]
Is it getting hot in here? *fans self*
OK, here's a Quick Quiz:
Poll
Now let's continue the tour.
[BATHTIME, 2001]
[BEDTIME, 2001]
[DREAMTIME, 2001]
[BAD BEDSIDE MANNER, 2001]
[HOT BESIDE MANNER, 2001]
[JUST FUCKING HOT, 2001]
[THE GRAND TOUR, 2001]
[THE GRAND EXIT, 2001]
[I NEED YOUR EXPERTISSSSE, 2001]
[I’M HORNY AS HELL, 2001]
[TAKE A SEAT, MR TAYLOR, 2001]
If anyone wants to rest for a bit, you can also take a seat *looks around* --DON’T LOOK kids, there’s a NAKED man over there.
*sigh* I guess some people have no sense of decorum in a butt gallery.
Ok, let’s move on to the works of the Blue period.
[ CAUGHT RED-COCKED, 2001]
[FRAGILE, 2002]
[FRAGMENT, 2002]
[LITTLE BOY BLEW, 2002]
[BIG BOY BLEW TOO, 2002]
[THE BLUE PILL, 2002]
[DID YOU MISS ME?, 2002]
[THE SUBSTITUTE, 2003]
[IMPOTENT, 2004]
[THE IMPOTENT COCKSOCK, 2004]
Oh, wow, look at that painting by the up-and-coming *cough* RAndy Warmhole.
[BUTT BUTTER: IT’S A FAG-EAT-FAG WORLD, 2005]
Oh, shi!--vers, look at the time and we haven’t finished! We still have a butt-load to see, including many wet bodies. We’ll have to come again. To the museum that is.
I hope this has stimulated your, um, senses. MoMAss has promised to put on a cocktail function in the living sculpture garden next time, so I hope everyone can attend.
Ok, back on the bus and don’t think I won’t be checking up on people up the very back. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop you doing anything *winks*.
I’ll leave you with some assoticons. Extra credit will be given to anyone who can come up with some more.
(_!_) just an ass (arse as we Aussies say)
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_#_) a sore ass
(_o_) an asshole
(_O_) a well fucked ass
(_?_) a dumb ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
{_!_} shake your booty/ass
(_@_)? What’s stuck up your ass?
>(_x_)< kiss my ass
>(_P_)< lick my ass