Greener on the other side
I read a really good book last week called God's Debris. It's by the same guy who draws the Dilbert comics(which never really struck me as very amusing), but the book was surprisingly provoking. It wasn't humor though, it was really more of a deep and philosophical insight into the universe. But that's just my opinion of it. You might hate it. No one reads this much anyways, as it should be.
I've neglected this thing horribly, which also means I've neglected any sort of serious thought on any matter.
Work really starts to drain the life out of you after so much. I've created this fake work-persona that seems to work great for customer service issues, but not so much for my personal life. It just feels so wrong that I'm happily helping the elderly find a book on colon cancer when I should really be doing something more fulfulling.
Which leads me to fulfillment. As long as I'm here, at least in my mind, I will never be able to reach any sort of fulfillment. But I also can't allow myself to sit back and hope that one day things will change. My problem is that everything is always going to happen someday. I make up intricate plans on how I should go about making it reality, but never actually exert any effort towards any particular goal. Partly because I'm too worried about what my family would think or how doing something might negatively effect me, so I seem to never really do anything; at least not anything that furthers my search for mental and emotional zen.
There is so much that I would like to be, people (person?) I would like to live my life for, so many things I wish could take place, so many queued dreams that will never come to frution. In a way, I refuse to accept this futile existance as truth, and wish nothing more than to set out to destroy every spark of its existance. But in another way, I really just wish life would just play itself out in some way that I could become complacent in.
It's difficult really.
The grass is always the same putrid hue of yellowish-green, you just have to find the place that has the least weeds.
I've neglected this thing horribly, which also means I've neglected any sort of serious thought on any matter.
Work really starts to drain the life out of you after so much. I've created this fake work-persona that seems to work great for customer service issues, but not so much for my personal life. It just feels so wrong that I'm happily helping the elderly find a book on colon cancer when I should really be doing something more fulfulling.
Which leads me to fulfillment. As long as I'm here, at least in my mind, I will never be able to reach any sort of fulfillment. But I also can't allow myself to sit back and hope that one day things will change. My problem is that everything is always going to happen someday. I make up intricate plans on how I should go about making it reality, but never actually exert any effort towards any particular goal. Partly because I'm too worried about what my family would think or how doing something might negatively effect me, so I seem to never really do anything; at least not anything that furthers my search for mental and emotional zen.
There is so much that I would like to be, people (person?) I would like to live my life for, so many things I wish could take place, so many queued dreams that will never come to frution. In a way, I refuse to accept this futile existance as truth, and wish nothing more than to set out to destroy every spark of its existance. But in another way, I really just wish life would just play itself out in some way that I could become complacent in.
It's difficult really.
The grass is always the same putrid hue of yellowish-green, you just have to find the place that has the least weeds.