Depressed

[tearswill_fall]

Wow. I feel like crap. And what better place to vent than here. I don't understand how I could look like this. Why? I can barely stand to look at myself. I'm too fat, too short, my hair is too frizzy, my skin is too fucked up, my eyes are dull, and my wrists now have scars. Great. Why couldn't I look like Gisele or Tyra Banks, or Kate Moss. ::

Comments

Hey, it's Alex

[anonymous]

Amanda Amanda, how it hurts me to hear you say such things about yourself! Not because it is bad to be either fat, (I was once) or short (I always will be VERY short) or to have bad skin (what can I say?). The problem is that you feel negatively about yourself, and these are the visible manifestations that are condemned in society, so regardless of how false they may be, you project those negative ideas onto yourself, because the problem is that, like Maya said, you have to learn to love who YOU are, and that is not what you see in the mirror. Models like those that you mentioned, and all sorts of other celebrities, from actors/actresses to singers, etc., many of them are such terrible people to know. Who cares how beautiful they may look physically if they're vile and rotten inside? When you can see beyond the exterior facade, and realize how beautiful you truly are as a person, only then will you be able to see and appreciate your physical beauty. And no matter how many people tell you how gorgeous you are, you will never be able to believe them until then.

Re: Hey, it's Alex

[tearswill_fall]

I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't even say what I said for attention, though I know some of the things I've done to hurt myself in the past have been cries for help. Pitiful I know. I just keep thinking that if I say what I'm feeling outloud, maybe some of the weight will be lifted. Still hasn't happened yet I keep trying. I try to feel good about myself, but I see nothing to like. I'm still shocked every time the phone rings because I honestly don't know why anyone would want to talk to me. Even the days I feel "happy", I don't, just somewhat less depressed. For christmas, I told my parents not to buy me anything but to give all the money they were going to spend on me to the Heifer Organization- an org. that gives animals to v. poor people in other countries which really turns their life around. It sounds nice, but I was being sort of selfish when I did it. I did it because not only did I want to help others, but I also wanted to feel better about myself. It didn't work. I felt no different. No better about me at all. Seems to me like it will never change. Now thats a depressing thought.

Re: Hey, it's Alex

[anonymous]

Hey, it's Mitch. People like you because of who you are as a person not because of what you look like. I hardly ever see you but i talk to you all the time which has made me fall totally in love with you. I don't just love you but am in love with you. Looks aren't going to take you anywhere in life. Theres a better way to get help then harming yourself, just ask for it. I love you sweetie. Night.