I'll be right by your side, say goodnight not goodbye...
It's worse than I thought... and it's getting worse. (Excuse the awkwardness of that sentence, but I really don't have the ambition to run to a thesauras and think up a better ending.)
I've got to get a handle on this stuff... I shouldn't be crying in front of a proessor over stupid crap like this.
A couple days ago someone asked me what I got on my SAT's... when I told him my score he said, "What the hell are you doing here?" I was kind of confused... why wouldn't I be here? This is a great school and I hardly believe myself to be good enough for here let alone anywhere more prestigous.
I know it just sounds like I'm whining and looking for attention... but I swear I'm not. So please don't feel obligated to leave me a comment denying all the horrible truths that I state about myself... cause I know you were going to emma.
I don't know... maybe I am cynical. Maybe liz is right... but I don't really think I am. I don't feel cynical. I feel lost really. Like I'm not doing the right think. I just feel like I'm not gonna make it.
And maybe 75% of it is perserverence... but 25% of it is skill... and if I don't have it, then I won't want to perservere.
I let this situation get a hold on me all the time... and it's really just a slippery slope. Once it starts, it will keep dragging me down. It's happened to me before and I'd just prefer that it wouldnt' happen again.
I don't think I'm cynical... I believe the best of a lot of people. I see the world as beautiful... not some disgusting polluted place. I do believe that we are hurting ourselves and in the end we'll be our own undoings... but that's not cynical. lol it's really not.
Maybe it's just stress... but everyone else has stress. Why do I have to let it pile on so hard that I feel like I can't breathe? I'm insufferable.
Later
I've got to get a handle on this stuff... I shouldn't be crying in front of a proessor over stupid crap like this.
A couple days ago someone asked me what I got on my SAT's... when I told him my score he said, "What the hell are you doing here?" I was kind of confused... why wouldn't I be here? This is a great school and I hardly believe myself to be good enough for here let alone anywhere more prestigous.
I know it just sounds like I'm whining and looking for attention... but I swear I'm not. So please don't feel obligated to leave me a comment denying all the horrible truths that I state about myself... cause I know you were going to emma.
I don't know... maybe I am cynical. Maybe liz is right... but I don't really think I am. I don't feel cynical. I feel lost really. Like I'm not doing the right think. I just feel like I'm not gonna make it.
And maybe 75% of it is perserverence... but 25% of it is skill... and if I don't have it, then I won't want to perservere.
I let this situation get a hold on me all the time... and it's really just a slippery slope. Once it starts, it will keep dragging me down. It's happened to me before and I'd just prefer that it wouldnt' happen again.
I don't think I'm cynical... I believe the best of a lot of people. I see the world as beautiful... not some disgusting polluted place. I do believe that we are hurting ourselves and in the end we'll be our own undoings... but that's not cynical. lol it's really not.
Maybe it's just stress... but everyone else has stress. Why do I have to let it pile on so hard that I feel like I can't breathe? I'm insufferable.
Later