(no subject)
right now i'm not a happy camper i feel really sad well not so sad but i feel disgusted i look at myself i see nothing but this girl i dont know what the hell i see. i see nothing but confusion. who is this girl looking back at me? if i only knew how i could change her. its not so much that i dont like this girl i see it just i know that she can look better she can be a better person she can be so much fucking better then what i see!!! and that just makes me sick to my fucking stomach.i really really try not to put myself down but i cant help it. it just drives me crazy to see myself. sometims i think i look ok but other times i know it can look better. i was thinking and i just cant win out of all my friends i'm the most uglyest one and it fucking bothers me good lord!!!! i know that i can bitch about it all i want but nothing will happened until i do something about it. but no matter how hard i try i dont seem to be saticfied with myself. i was talking to my dad and he told me that i was fat and the only good thing about me was my face and that hurt. it was coming from my fucking dad i know its true but this is how i am. i try not to think about it but i cant stop. the tears just fall down as i see this girl. he also told me that i was a loser that is going no where in life that hurt to but in a way thats true to. i know he doesnt try to be mean but he just tells me the truth but is that true? i'am trying so hard to get my grades up and do well in school i been doing all me homework and everything but it doesnt seem to help.i dont know maybe i am a looser with nothing to live for but atleast i'm trying i'm trying to make something of myself even if some people cant see it i really am trying i'm not saying that i work hard all the time but when i know that i have to i will.i'm really trying not to have that fuck everyone feeling but i think this time i'm going to do something about it. i want to prove to everyone that i can do it and i'm a loser but i can do something with my life even if its not what they want.