Bad body day
Ok this week's just been bad. Between paranoia and crap, I just seem to be having an incredibly off week. I don't know what it is, a lot of stuff's been affecting me, and I don't know what it is, so I can't tackle it. There again, there's so much going on around me and I feel that it's about to crash in on me. Work, the society, the website. Then there's just other crap.
So, now, my parents have gone off for two weeks... and by the latest reckonings I'm not starting work until Wednesday. You know, it sounds stupid, but it's the first time I'll ever have started work and come home to an empty house, with nobody other than my dogs to tell the tale to - and let's face it, the dogs don't exactly care about much more than some food and to have a bit of company. There again, if the van driver is in any way nice, I'll probably get on with him. Thing is, he's a new guy to the company, so that means he's a totally unknown product to the company as well as me, so I dunno if he'll turn out to be a nutter. If not, at least the job will get me out of my own arse, which is always a good thing... and it's somewhere that I think I've been spending a lot of time in for the last while.
So this morning saw my parents pick up and off. Then I had a barbecue to go to. In a fit of vainess, I actually decided to try and look good for this. I mean, some people think I look good these days, and these days, why not make a bit of an effort. So, I actually did something (relatively) atypical of me... I tried on a number of different tops. To be honest, the only tops that I think really flatter me, and fit me... well there's one that I'm fond of, it's a girly OpenBSD top with a wireframe of the BSD daemon, but that needs a wash. The rest, well, being honest, I need to work on getting me some actual clothes that suit me. There was so much that I looked at myself in and just thought "Hell no! I can't go out looking like that." So what was planned to be a mental kick up the arse for some people turned out to be one for myself - that works (It's not pleasant but it works).
Still the BBQ was fun... I got to talk shite, and meet random people. This is good. Part of the reason this post is so negative is that I'm probably on a sugar crash right now, and all the caffeine and taurine's left my system. There again, there are some things that existed before that. Right now, I'm overly sensitive - this week's been full of paranoia and self-consciousness - and part of me is thinking that the words people choose to use reflect their thoughts. Asking people to change the words don't change the thoughts, and there is no point to that. It just shows how people think, and if that's how they think, I have to change how they think, not by the effect, but by affecting the cause.
This is all nice and vague, but it doesn't take much to figure out what I'm on about here.
Either way, I need to figure out what my plans are... because if I don't, I'm going to have issues flying past me left, right and centre.